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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I'm not being a taxi anymore?

29 replies

MizzyDoesit · 30/05/2023 16:42

My husband's car gave up the ghost about two weeks ago and he hasn't gotten around to sorting a new one yet. We have always had two separate cars and rarely used each others. Since he has been walking to work and doesn't know yet when he will be getting a new car, weighing up cost, can't decide what he likes etc..

My issue is that I am now being asked all the time to do all of the things he'd be able to do if he had a car, namely pick up his other DC when it's their time at our house. I already work about 40 mins from home in the car and their mum's is an additional 20 on top (plus extra for the waiting around for them to be ready), I am also having to collect our child too on my way back adding even more time and I'm just done with it now.

WIBU to say I'm not collecting DSC anymore and he and their mum will have to sort something out between them until he has transport like her dropping them off or whatever. I've already had enough after a long day at work (stressful job) and want to get home and also want to get our child home too who's already had a long day. This is 50:50 so not an insignificant amount of time.

OP posts:
Blahblahblaaah · 30/05/2023 16:51

Yanbu, he can't just opt out of driving. Tell him to lease a car for a few weeks or something whilst he decides.

neslop · 30/05/2023 17:02

He needs to sort out transporting his DC to and from yours himself. If he's insured to drive your car and you don't mind, could he use that to pick them up after you've got back from work?

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 17:06

Is he insured on your car? Can he share his part of the driving whenever you aren’t using the car - i.e. after work, weekends, etc. - as a short term solution? It can be a right PITA sharing a car sometimes so might also give him a bit of a prod to get a replacement car sorted.

Original poster
MizzyDoesit · 30/05/2023 17:22

He's not actually insured on my car anymore (new) as it was a bit too expensive with him on it and he's never had a need to use it really before

OP posts:
GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 17:29

MizzyDoesit · 30/05/2023 17:22

He's not actually insured on my car anymore (new) as it was a bit too expensive with him on it and he's never had a need to use it really before

Darn, there goes my solution then. I think then you will just have to ask him to put some alternative arrangements in place - such as sharing transport with DSC’s mum - he may not like it, but also not reasonable to expect you to do the lion’s share.

LookItsMeAgain · 30/05/2023 17:32

The DSC are his kids with a former wife? He does the ferrying around then. If he doesn't have a car, they get a taxi or get the bus/tube/train instead.

HeddaGarbled · 30/05/2023 17:34

Maybe give him notice e.g. “I’m only going to do it for one more week”. That gives him time to sort alternative arrangements.

Createausername1970 · 30/05/2023 17:36

First, I would deliberately plan something else for when I knew I would be needed next time. Once this was sorted, I would then have a conversation with DH about how much longer this was going to be going on for and point out its not ideal for me and whilst I am obviously happy to help out on a temporary basis, its unreasonable to expect me to do it indefinitely, and by the way, I can't do it next time so he will need to sort something out anyway for next time, so can he think about a long term solution other than me.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 30/05/2023 17:38

I think you risk hurting your step kids if you refuse to pick them up.
I get it from your pov but I worry if you put your foot down so firmly, they'll be the ones to suffer if they can't get to their dad.

MostlyHuman · 30/05/2023 17:42

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 30/05/2023 17:38

I think you risk hurting your step kids if you refuse to pick them up.
I get it from your pov but I worry if you put your foot down so firmly, they'll be the ones to suffer if they can't get to their dad.

Then maybe the kids actual parents should sort something out as after all they are the parents🙄

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 17:42

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 30/05/2023 17:38

I think you risk hurting your step kids if you refuse to pick them up.
I get it from your pov but I worry if you put your foot down so firmly, they'll be the ones to suffer if they can't get to their dad.

I don’t think anyone said refuse? I think the consensus was to have a conversation and ask him to make alternative arrangements?

frazzledasarock · 30/05/2023 17:46

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 30/05/2023 17:38

I think you risk hurting your step kids if you refuse to pick them up.
I get it from your pov but I worry if you put your foot down so firmly, they'll be the ones to suffer if they can't get to their dad.

Yeah I think their dad risks hurting his kids by not sorting out transport for his children during his contact to me with them.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all OP.

Eleganz · 30/05/2023 17:46

MizzyDoesit · 30/05/2023 17:22

He's not actually insured on my car anymore (new) as it was a bit too expensive with him on it and he's never had a need to use it really before

I think you might be able to get a temporary addition on your insurance, probably cheaper than a hire car. Seems the obvious thing to do if you don't both need the car at the same time.

Cars are really expensive at the moment. It may be a pain in the arse but not necessarily a decision that should be rushed. Perhaps you can live with one car if you can both drive it and he is happy walking to work.

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 30/05/2023 17:46

Tell him to pull his finger out.
He can rent a car or take a cab until he buys a new car.

Linkstolondon · 30/05/2023 17:48

Doesn’t sound very team like to tell him to sort it out himself.

GoalShooter · 30/05/2023 17:50

I agree about getting him temporarily added to your insurance.

frazzledasarock · 30/05/2023 17:54

@Linkstolondon but it’s very teamlike for OP to do all the taxi duty for the foreseeable till her H gets his act together.

know your place OP 🙄

towriteyoumustlive · 30/05/2023 17:59

Just add him to your insurance and tell him to use your car to pick them up. Sorted!

Verystressedsenmum · 30/05/2023 18:39

so if it was the other way round you’d be happy if he suddenly went no not helping?.
yes he needs to sort out a car as clearly you both need a car each so sit him down and tell he’s got 1 week to sort this out .
options are
lease car
buy car
he’s on your insurance and he pays until he sorts a car .
1 week is enough time to sort the situation but after tell him you need advance notice for any lifts or you can’t / won’t do it .

Bloopsie · 30/05/2023 18:55

The joys of blended families..

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 30/05/2023 19:34

frazzledasarock · 30/05/2023 17:46

Yeah I think their dad risks hurting his kids by not sorting out transport for his children during his contact to me with them.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all OP.

Show quote history

Of course it is their dads responsibility but he doesn't have a car. I would also think the kids would be hurt if their step mum refused to collect them. Presumably she is involved in their lives and loves them and vice versa.
I'd be hurt if my step mum suddenly stopped picking me up as a kid as it would feel like a rejection.

frazzledasarock · 30/05/2023 20:45

And how long is op meant to run herself ragged doing everything for everyone and holding down a job?

My dc have a step parent. They’re sensible enough to understand anything their DSP does for them is a favour and they’re not entitled to their help.

above all I would not dream of demanding my husband race around after my dc when he is also working and looking after our shared dc.

id be a shit parent and a shit partner if I dumped all parenting on my husband

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 30/05/2023 21:29

frazzledasarock · 30/05/2023 20:45

And how long is op meant to run herself ragged doing everything for everyone and holding down a job?

My dc have a step parent. They’re sensible enough to understand anything their DSP does for them is a favour and they’re not entitled to their help.

above all I would not dream of demanding my husband race around after my dc when he is also working and looking after our shared dc.

id be a shit parent and a shit partner if I dumped all parenting on my husband

I never said she had to continue to run herself ragged. I just flagged that the children are often the ones who suffer with these sort of stalemates and they may feel rejected by OP if she refuses to collect them anymore. Rightly or wrongly, they may feel like they've done something wrong or OPs gone off them or something. Depends how old they are and the nature of their relationship.

Also it doesn't sound like he's dumping all the parenting on her. He's asking her to help until he gets himself sorted. I agree he needs to sort it sooner rather than later and give OP a realistic timeline and stick to it.

Pencilsaremylife · 30/05/2023 21:39

For goodness sake it’s only been two weeks is it really so hard to do your DH some favours for a short amount of time. What if you had an accident and couldn’t drive for a while wouldn’t you expect him to help you out or would you be happy for him just to say it wasn’t convenient for him. God knows why people get married if they don’t see it as a partnership.

TeaKitten · 30/05/2023 21:42

I no it may be unpopular on here but I’d still pick up his kids unless the public transport option was realistic. You are a partnership at the end of the day and the kids are a part of your family. I would kick up a huge fuss about him taking his time sorting a car of his own though! But it keep
it between you and him and avoid letting the kids suffer.

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