To help me not lose it with disorganised teen

[Seagullsbythesea]

I feel really bad but I just totally lost it with my year 10 teen. He’s got mock GCSE’s in a couple of weeks but seems to have absolutely no idea what he’s meant to be doing. He’s lost his maths login and is absolutely clueless about some Geography revision he has.

I lost it and really shouted at him. He just wants to do as little as possible, is lazy and disinterested. It’s meant to be practise for real GCSE’s next year.

HELP! What advice do you have? I find it SO frustrating and want to be useful but today just made me angry as he’s SO disorganised. He also won’t listen to anything we say 🫣🥴

Found with DS that he needed a bit of support to get going at this age- making a timetable and then a bit of direction about how to revise (making notes, past papers etc). I know some kids get it naturally but some need a steer and it can feel a bit overwhelming, especially as they have so many subjects.

I agree with Rose. I also applied no pressure whatsoever for any subject my son wasn’t going to pick for his GCSE electives.

All the subjects he’s revising, he’ll do at GCSE now

I really do feel your pain.

My year 10 has mocks too and if he was any more laid back he'd be unconscious.

Tried to get him to login to the revision website and all I get is "I dunnoooo the password", eventually turns out that he did know.

Every time I approach the subject of revision he bites my head off. He is doing a bit each day but it's bloomin hard work.

Been there. it’s enraging that they can be so shite isn’t it?

But on my good days, such as there are, I see this as being great prep- they’re fucking up when it really doesn’t matter. No harm done.

What I would add is: when things have calmed down a wee bit and you feel you can talk to them without (probably well justified) shouting, try to work out if they actually know what they’re supposed to be doing.

Do they have study skills, a timetable, know what they need to know, know when they need to know it by? This isn’t automatic and ime boys can be particularly shit at it. I know it won’t help if it genuinely is laziness, but it can all feel really overwhelming for them if they haven’t broken it down into smaller pieces with winnable moments.

@Timeforthesummer its really painful! He’s crying now as I shouted at him so I now feel awful 😞 Going to help him do a revision timetable later (once I have taken him out for an icecream to say sorry and calm the situation down!!)

I teach this age. If it's any help at all, I have seen dozens and dozens of (mostly boys it must be said) be like this in y10 and even y11 mocks but then suddenly start to care around March of Y11. It really helps once they have a clear idea of what the next step will be and what they need to achieve that. I also have kids approaching this age and find it v v hard to help them study or organise themselves on a way that doesn't end in tears for all concerned so I would make sure they have space, quiet, any resources needed and leave them to it. If they screw up, the teachers will address it and intervene as needed.

@BibbleandSqwauk thankyou! That’s reassuring!

My DC’s school has the syllabus online on the webpage with all topics listed and they use a combination of Seneca, Quizlet, own notes to revise and even use online resources like Dr Frost Maths or BBC bite size if they don’t understand something. Usually the teachers steer them in the right direction regarding what to focus on. If he hasn’t done this, then he needs to text a friend in his sets to check.

Judging by one of my DD’s, the girls have self created revision groups and help each other out if stuck. Same girls also revised for Year 9 exams and got the hang of it then including what revision techniques work best for them. Has he got any friends he could ask for help? Ideally some well organised girls?

Firstly, help him to create an environment where he can work with minimum distraction. Bedrooms often contain too many distractions so he might be better off in the dining room or study (if you have them). Then ensure that the area is fully equipped with all the resources he may need. Going off to find books etc in the middle of a revision session will just waste time. Include a clock and drink again to prevent going off task to get a drink etc.

Suggest he prints out the syllabus for each subject if he doesn't have them already.
Then for each syllabus, using three different coloured highlighters, get him to highlight all the parts he's confident with in green, unsure about in yellow and the parts he's least confident about in pink.

Then use this information to help him to create a revision timetable that focuses on the bits he's least confident on. Teens are excellent at revising the bits they already know. Make the revision timetable as specific as possible. Science 9-10 on Monday morning is too vague. Instead try Monday maybe morning session 1 homeostasis. You can be even more specific than that if necessary. Also base revision session on Content not time so instead of doing 30 mins of revision specify a point on a syllabus.

Allow plenty of breaks and if possible make use of the whole day. One session at 9am one at 1400 and one at 1800 is likely to be more beneficial than a whole afternoon of work.

Remind them that there are no bonus point for bubble writing of colouring in, they may make work look pretty but it's content that gets marks.

At GCSE age they have to take on the responsibility for themselves to a certain extent. With mine, they have 1 hour a night no computer time, on weekends a couple of hours no computer time each day but they can decide when that is around their hobbies or what they want to do with friends. For subjects i can help with, like science, i pull up quick fire quizzes on the bitesize website. But what they do in the time is up to them. They understand the consequences of not revising, i make sure there is quiet space and time, but what they revise and when, is on them. If they chose to sit and daydream for that hour not work, its their decision, ive explained the consequences.

Op welcome to the hell that is GCSE and boys.

They do get it eventually. Let him feel the pain of turning over a mock paper and not knowing any answers.

They click in around February in Year 11.

Two weeks to go here. Wine helps.

“Op welcome to the hell that is GCSE and boys.”

That is funny.

Still, it is better to have a laid back boy than a completely stressed out, burnt out girl, no?

Judging by some of my DD’s friends who got themselves in a tizzy over GCSEs for all of Year 10 and all of Year 11, I would take a laid back boy any day. As long as they do some work, keep on top of it somewhat etc, it won’t impact too much long term. Or will it?

Looking at all the males in my wider family, most peaked at uni and beyond and the danger is more with girls burning out too early.

Aiming for solid passes at GCSEs in most subjects and higher grades in what they are actually interested in and want to do at A level is fine for GCSEs? Does anyone actually care about GCSE grades once they have further qualifications?

I ended up going through quite a lot of the work with my DS. Such as reading the science text books with him and asking him lots of quiz questions, getting him to tell me about subjects he was learning, kind of teaching it to me.
This was quite a lot of work for me but DS found it easier to learn with help so it was worth it.
We did this for A levels too. I know more about coastal erosion than I ever wanted to.