Sister self harming - trigger wanting

bidenfor · 2023-05-29T23:48:17+00:00

Sorry I don't know where else to put this. My sister who I've been estranged from for a number of years has been self harming. I don't know what to do. She was also bulimic as a teenager (now 30) and has lost a lot of weight. I've spoke to our other sister about the weight loss (before I knew about the self harm) and she shrugged it of. My family also ignored my self harming 25 years ago. I don't know what to do. We aren't close but I don't think it's something to ignore. When my sister got very obese I asked my dad if he said anything to her - he said no as it's better than her being bulimic. Parents..... so much distinction!

MayBeeJuneSoon · 30/05/2023 00:50

What would have helped with your self harming all those years ago?

What is she doing to harm herself?

Original poster

bidenfor · 30/05/2023 00:51

MayBeeJuneSoon · 30/05/2023 00:50

What would have helped with your self harming all those years ago?

What is she doing to harm herself?

Therapy. Emotionally support from my family. Interest shown by my family. Not feeling like I'm invisible.

I don't think it's required to describe how she's self harming. She could be vomiting but she's also harming her body.

OP posts:

Ilovetea42 · 30/05/2023 01:14

There are different types of self harming and some are more risky in terms of accidental death than others, the treatment plan for different types of self harm can differ as well. So I would say the type of self harm does matter purely from that aspect?

How do you think she would respond if you reached out to her after being estranged for so long? Can I ask why you became estranged in the first instance? Was it to protect your own mental wellbeing or did you not get on?

If she's 30 then there's very little anyone can really do other than suggest she goes to the gp and gets some support and counselling depending on the type of self harm. It needs to be her choice unless she's an immediate risk to herself because of it.

If you feel you can reach out without it affecting you negatively then I say its worth trying, but I also would be prepared for her to feel you're trying to insert yourself if you aren't close and it's something she's (likely) feeling very private about. Could you focus on rebuilding the relationship initially and try to take it gently from there? Let her bring it up, or wait until you feel you're in a good enough place to ask her honestly what's going on. Self harm is usually the outworking of a deeper feeling/ need/ pain so you don't really need to ask her about the self harm itself, you just need to find out what's going on behind it and take it from there. I think it's ok to be careful with yourself here too. It's okay if you feel like this might bring up difficult feelings for you and if you feel you aren't the best placed person to address this with her. You have a right to protect your own headspace. Its important that you don't confuse or over identify her feelings and her experience with your own in the past because she might be processing it very differently to how you have. Is there anyone else she's close to who is likely to be supporting her or is she alone in that respect?

Original poster

bidenfor · 30/05/2023 01:26

Ilovetea42 · 30/05/2023 01:14

There are different types of self harming and some are more risky in terms of accidental death than others, the treatment plan for different types of self harm can differ as well. So I would say the type of self harm does matter purely from that aspect?

How do you think she would respond if you reached out to her after being estranged for so long? Can I ask why you became estranged in the first instance? Was it to protect your own mental wellbeing or did you not get on?

If she's 30 then there's very little anyone can really do other than suggest she goes to the gp and gets some support and counselling depending on the type of self harm. It needs to be her choice unless she's an immediate risk to herself because of it.

If you feel you can reach out without it affecting you negatively then I say its worth trying, but I also would be prepared for her to feel you're trying to insert yourself if you aren't close and it's something she's (likely) feeling very private about. Could you focus on rebuilding the relationship initially and try to take it gently from there? Let her bring it up, or wait until you feel you're in a good enough place to ask her honestly what's going on. Self harm is usually the outworking of a deeper feeling/ need/ pain so you don't really need to ask her about the self harm itself, you just need to find out what's going on behind it and take it from there. I think it's ok to be careful with yourself here too. It's okay if you feel like this might bring up difficult feelings for you and if you feel you aren't the best placed person to address this with her. You have a right to protect your own headspace. Its important that you don't confuse or over identify her feelings and her experience with your own in the past because she might be processing it very differently to how you have. Is there anyone else she's close to who is likely to be supporting her or is she alone in that respect?

Thanks. The gp said she wasn't light enough (bmi) for bulimic treatment and she felt dismissed that she didn't have an ED.

She's seeing someone for her autism/adhd but I don't know the full details.

Our parents I don't think did a good job at providing emotional stability/support, which is why it's becoming apparent in our own mental health struggles.

We didn't speak because it was best for everyone and with it being covid etc it just happened that we never saw each other/work commitments etc.

OP posts:

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 30/05/2023 02:12

People with ASD can self harm more than NT, Maybe it’s related to that?

Original poster

bidenfor · 30/05/2023 11:03

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 30/05/2023 02:12

People with ASD can self harm more than NT, Maybe it’s related to that?

I'll keep my personal thoughts about her diagnosis to myself

OP posts: