Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Just ignore?

8 replies

NotAMug · 29/05/2023 20:55

This feels really pathetic but I am back dating after marriage ending. Been chatting to someone I have known quite a few years. It would only ever be a bit of fun with him, he's a bit younger than me and I have known he's liked me for some time, even when I was married but he always knew I wasn't interested.

He has messaged me lots, always nice stuff, he suggested we meet on Saturday. I was out with friends for evening so we were meeting for a late drink, I messaged to say what time we were finishing (basically confirming the same time we'd roughly said) he messaged back when I was on my way home quite a bit after I messaged in the end to say he'd got really pissed so couldn't meet. Fine, it was about 11pm anyway and I knew he was also out first. Lots of messaging that night, about midnight he said was it too late to meet up, I said yes, I was home and not going out, i also felt like it would have been a 'booty call' as he was home also by then. Arranged to meet tomorrow day time.

I message today to confirm time, he said shit sorry I have to work now. Apparently manager off sick and they have to cover. I just said OK. No response from him to that. A bit irritated as doesn't appear he was going to tell me.

I need to leave it don't I? I'm not a mug and certainly not chasing for something that's casual or did I sound shitty just saying OK so perhaps should message with something more polite?

I am in my 40s so not young, I feel like a total dickhead even questioning myself but haven't dated since I was 20 as been engaged/married all that time. He obviously doesn't owe me anything, as I said it would only be casual anyway but I'm thinking even casual is not worth it if someone plays games, but on the other hand it could actually be genuine reasons? Perhaps the chase was more exciting to him?

OP posts:
treesareyellow · 29/05/2023 20:56

Yeah, leave it. He’s being non-committal. Might be that he really does have to cover at work but now the ball is in his court to reconvene with you. Plenty of fish in the sea x

NotAMug · 29/05/2023 20:58

treesareyellow · 29/05/2023 20:56

Yeah, leave it. He’s being non-committal. Might be that he really does have to cover at work but now the ball is in his court to reconvene with you. Plenty of fish in the sea x

Thanks, that was my gut feeling. I usually see him a couple of times a week at a mutual hobby but typically I'm away till a week Saturday from it so won't see him.

OP posts:
Divorcedalongtime · 29/05/2023 20:58

Leave. He wants something too easy

NotAMug · 29/05/2023 21:01

@Divorcedalongtime I fear that this is how dating will be mostly now to be honest. Lots of sifting through blokes who say they are single but aren't, who have loads of baggage (as do I really) and those who want sex when convenient to them. I have no real interest in serious relationships but don't want game playing either. Just someone who is good company and we can have a laugh. Younger men probably aren't ideal I guess!

OP posts:
PuffinsRocks · 29/05/2023 21:05

My first thought was that he'd hooked up with someone and was suddenly "working" the next day because he didn't want you turning up at his place and seeing her before she left. He also sounds really immature in the way he's conducting himself towards you like he thinks you're a sure thing and you'll still be there later.

NotAMug · 29/05/2023 21:15

PuffinsRocks · 29/05/2023 21:05

My first thought was that he'd hooked up with someone and was suddenly "working" the next day because he didn't want you turning up at his place and seeing her before she left. He also sounds really immature in the way he's conducting himself towards you like he thinks you're a sure thing and you'll still be there later.

Sorry first cancellation was Saturday night but then he asked me to go round that night, we were chatting constantly from when he left his night out (I know other people who were there so I know when he left as they all locked up the venue together). The next meet up was tomorrow as in Tues. I know who he was with Sat as all mutual friends so don't think it's another girl but definitely immature.

Feels like he thinks it seems a good idea at the time but then changes his mind/bottles it and also you're right, it makes me feel like he thinks I'm there on tap!

OP posts:
Divorcedalongtime · 29/05/2023 21:26

NotAMug · 29/05/2023 21:01

@Divorcedalongtime I fear that this is how dating will be mostly now to be honest. Lots of sifting through blokes who say they are single but aren't, who have loads of baggage (as do I really) and those who want sex when convenient to them. I have no real interest in serious relationships but don't want game playing either. Just someone who is good company and we can have a laugh. Younger men probably aren't ideal I guess!

Been there done that myself for 10 years, glad to have reached menopause and not fancy it anymore.
trad that book “he’s just not that into you” very eye opening. Lots of chances out there for sure.

NotAMug · 29/05/2023 21:30

Divorcedalongtime · 29/05/2023 21:26

Been there done that myself for 10 years, glad to have reached menopause and not fancy it anymore.
trad that book “he’s just not that into you” very eye opening. Lots of chances out there for sure.

Thanks, I suspect this is a common scenario isn't it. The thing is I know there are lots of opportunities for casual sex out there but I just want to be able to have a chat, drink, chill with someone also. He seemed to be more like that than some of the others I have chatted to.

I suspect its a bad idea being involved with him as I have known him so long. It's all a bit complicated.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread