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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is DH? Feeling so unhappy.

14 replies

CreateMistake · 29/05/2023 18:33

DH and I are really struggling with the behaviour of our two children at the moment. Both very defiant, both argumentative, youngest lashing out. It’s been a really challenging time.

DH is a good man, but sometimes can be very unreasonable, particularly when stressed. In my opinion, his behaviour is exacerbating our other issues.

For instance, today we are returning from a weekend away. DH was driving and I was chatting to him. I am quite giggly by nature. Anyway, I then started writing a message to a friend about something funny that happened over the weekend. I laughed a little out loud, remembering what had happened.

DH turned and looked at me, clearly annoyed at me, and said “do you have any idea how ignorant you’re being?” I asked if he was joking and he said “no that’s so ignorant!!” Our kids are sitting in the car listening to him saying this. I’m having trouble with them talking badly to me and in my opinion it’s not okay for DH to say that to me, especially not in-front of them when I’m trying so hard to set them a good example.

Also, if I sat with my head in my phone, ignoring DH, texting and laughing repeatedly, I agree that would be rude. But I picked my phone up to send one message. It’s just so disproportionate.

This isn’t a one off for DH. He does do this to me from time to time. Taking issue with me for tiny things and having a go at me in-front of the kids. It’s just really getting me down. 😢

OP posts:
HoIIy · 29/05/2023 18:35

Hes an absolute prick. It's nothing to do with "in front of the kids", its red flag behaviour all day long.

BurbageBrook · 29/05/2023 18:36

Sounds just like my abusive ex.

Bargellobitch · 29/05/2023 18:38

I'd get rid of him for the massive ick of misunderstanding how to use the word ignorant. So cringe.

He sounds like a bully op. Is he like this in other ways?

piedbeauty · 29/05/2023 18:40

Bargellobitch · 29/05/2023 18:38

I'd get rid of him for the massive ick of misunderstanding how to use the word ignorant. So cringe.

He sounds like a bully op. Is he like this in other ways?

This.

He's the one who's ignorant. He sounds like a critical, bullying bellend.

CantFindTheBeat · 29/05/2023 18:40

What did he say after, OP?

How dare he speak to you like that.

Hidinginplainsightnow · 29/05/2023 18:42

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s obviously stressful for your DH too but you’re right, if he treats you with disrespect, so will they. Why wouldn’t they? Children follow our example. I think he needs to look at his behaviour in this and for you both to agree what’s acceptable in front of the children. If he wants to challenge your behaviour when you’re in private that’s another matter (not sure I like his attitude, tbh). For what it’s worth I think his view was well OTT.

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 29/05/2023 18:45

The only possible thing that might excuse this is if he was distracted when driving and felt unsafe, otherwise YANBU

honeylulu · 29/05/2023 18:51

Ignorant means lacking in knowledge. He needs to buy himself a dictionary as well as pull himself together.

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 29/05/2023 18:53

And now you know why your dc are so disrespectful towards you.. Picked up off df...

Polkadotties · 29/05/2023 18:56

Sounds like he doesn’t know what ignorant means, which is ironic

FictionalCharacter · 29/05/2023 18:56

DH is a good man, but sometimes can be very unreasonable, particularly when stressed. In my opinion, his behaviour is exacerbating our other issues"

A good man doesn't behave like this. No wonder your kids play up.

Crimblecrumble1990 · 29/05/2023 19:01

Confused why he called your ignorant? Odd choice of word.

I think it is highly likely that the problems your two children are having are directly related to the problem that is your partner.

TeaParty4Me · 29/05/2023 19:14

Were you supposed to be giving him directions or anything?

It seems like a massive overreaction.

This is not an acceptable way to speak to your partner, especially not in front of the kids.

Tell him that you will not be putting up with it again.
If he has something to say he can speak to you away from the DCs and talk like adults instead of insulting you.

Grumpy67i8 · 29/05/2023 19:44

Unacceptable (and strange use of the word ignorant). He's a bully.

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