To not want my brother's girlfriend sleeping over?

[fayefayee]

I'm 22 and my brother is 21 and we both still live with our parents. My brother has had lots of girlfriends, they tend to last around a month and then they break up. He has a new girlfriend he's been with for around a month, and he wants her to stay over. Previously his bedroom was on the third floor on the other side of the house, so he had a lot of privacy. However, he has now moved into the bedroom right next to mine.

My parents don't like him having girls to stay over. However, my parents will never say anything to him and instead they are just passive aggressive about it. They let him do what they want (he doesn't pay rent to them, whereas I do). I really don't want her to stay over as I can hear everything, and I find it really uncomfortable. I've told him that I can hear everything and he doesn't care.

I'm autistic and have never had a boyfriend, so that is probably affecting my perception of the situation. But AIBU to feel so uncomfortable about it?

I'd say that you should be treated fairly. Are they happy for you to have people sleep over? (Doesn't matter if you don't intend to)
And that either you both pay rent or neither of you do
(And buy earplugs..)

Can you move to his old quarters on the other side of the house?

its Ok for you to be uncomfortable - but it’s really up to your parents
can you move to his old room? Other side of the house?
can he move back to his old room?

I don’t think it is up to you though. Why do you pay rent and he doesn’t?

The obvious solution is for you to move to his old room.

If they're being ridiculously heard through the house/over headphones loud, then they should be making more of an effort to keep it down; but some noise is just part of living with party walls. In a flatshare would you prohibit your flatmates from having guests? If you lived in a terrace would you attempt to dictate the personal lives of your neighbours?

(Hopefully not!)

Sometimes family makes you think you have more entitlement to control somebody's life than you actually do. Maybe there's a practical compromise to be found - him moving back to his old room or putting some music to make it so his noise isn't so specific - but otherwise you need to get headphones or go hang out in the living room / stay with a friend on some of the nights she visits - take responsibility for your own comfort.

YANBU to find it awkward, but YABU to think he shouldn't have his girlfriend over just because you haven't learned how to deal with a shared living space.

Why doesn't he pay his way?

You're parents need to find thier backbones and speak up.

It'd disrespectful for him to shaggy his girlfriend loud enough for you to hear.

Why can't you move to his old room on the third floor?

Not your choice it’s your parents so unfortunately non of your business if it impacts that badly look into moving out?

YANBU to feel uncomfortable but it's not up to you to dictate this. If your parents don't want to say anything that's their issue.

You can move to his old bedroom or you can move out, those would be solid options. If you move into a flatshare your housemate(s) will certainly be bringing their partners back though.

You could also bring up the unequal rent situation - if there isn't a mitigating factor you haven't mentioned, that's not really fair.

Yabu, he's an adult and it's up to your parents anyway. Why don't you have the secluded room?

Bollocks. If she can hear it it's her business.

I'm not saying she's right but this "none of your business" stuff is busllshit

I'd never say he can't have her round as I know it's up to my parents, but they had both told me that they don't want him to have girls round, and said when he moved rooms that he wouldn't be allowed to have girls round, but they haven't said that to him. I've never met this girl who is staying round tonight, I guess I feel kind of weird about it as I don't have a lock on my bedroom door and we'll all be sharing a bathroom.

I can't move into his old room as it's been changed into my Dad's office. I just feel awkward about hearing my brother and his girlfriend. It's embarrassing. I wouldn't care if it was a random flatmate.

Maybe your Dad could have his office next to your brothers bedroom? Get Dad and Mum to come into your room and listen, if they hear what you are putting up with it might make them more likely to help you find a solution.

can you get some loud music to play at the wall, like that “je t’aime” Serge Gainsbourg song? Maybe his gf will have the decency to be too embarrassed to continue!

Bang on the door and shout at them to keep it down. Why should you be embarrassed if they’re not?!

Move out?

I've told him that I can hear everything and he doesn't care.

Try telling the GF, at breakfast, in front of your parents.

Why would you need a lock on your bedroom door? Sharing a bathroom is a normal thing to do, I assume the bathroom has a lock. Him being loud with a girlfriend when he knows you can hear is gross: your choices are tell your parents, wear earplugs, or find alternative accommodation. Can you swap bedrooms and have your dad set up his office next to your brother’s room?

Calm down! It’s true though if you are a ADULT living under your parents roof then NO you do not have a say in the RULES move out!!!! SIMPLE!

How’s any of this the girlfriend’s fault?

It’s not the girlfriends ‘fault’ maybe she doesn’t realise how far sound carries in that house - I don’t think really there are many people that want others to hear them making out