Aibu, Husband keeping this a secret ?

[Dontwakeme]

For the last 18 mths DH has been vaping when I go to bed in secret.
I have suspected it for a long time tbh , as soon as I go upstairs I hear him go into the hall and make noise at the coats hanging up and then close door back into living room, every single night!
On days out or weekends away he’s always looking for time to himself, nipping back to car, go a quick drive 5 mins for himself etc. To be clear i am not someone who has any big negative feelings about vaping or smoking- have done both in past but not for many years. Thought he was the same.I’m disappointed that he’s been doing this in secret and just by chance I caught him this weekend, it’s not the vaping as such that’s bothering me but that he intentionally did this behind my back. A few weeks ago I asked him directly if he was smoking again and he again no, but you’d smell it on me etc.. but he failed to mention the vaping.
aibu to be annoyed/upset about this?

I don't think it's unreasonable to be annoyed/ upset about that. Why would he keep it secret? Strange

Very strange that a grown man would sneak around rather than just say that it’s what he’s going to do, especially as you’ve done it before. It shows a level of addiction and/or shame.

Did he have reason to believe that you would be upset/angry/negative about him vaping if you found out about it? If so, then it feels understandable that he would do it in secret. It isn't brilliant that there should be this secret, but I wouldn't feel that he had behaved wrongly. I would feel more that there was something wrong int he relationship between us, and that we needed to clear the air a bit (I don't mean clear the air of weird strawberry steam )

Voted yanbu because it's not about the actual vaping , it's the lying about it that's wrong and deceitful .

For me it’s more the fact a grown man in his own home has to sneak around and lie to do something he wants to

is he frightened if you
and honestly what would of your response of been if he would of been upfront about it in the first place

Yanbu the fact he’s consciously hidden it and been sneaking around would make me wonder what else he’s capable of doing it for. It would defo raise trust issues for me and once that trust is gone I’m not the type of person who is good at getting past and building again.

This.

I'd be really disappointed that he had been sneaking around.

If there is no trust in a marriage, what is the point? And what else has he been sneaking around doing?

I would wonder what else he is hiding....has he got another mobile phone?