to think that it's stupid my husband got knocky cos I wouldn't tell him my weight?

[Chequers]

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chequers - his behaviour seems to be of someone who is hurt. potentially? maybe he hoped that even with your history - you trust him enough to share this with you.

Then when you refused, you made it into something that made him think that he needed to know precisely because of your history?

I dont think he meant it in a horrible way - not at all.

He clearly knows you have issues about your weight, so why push you unecessarily about it when he could see you were getting stressed?

I've never told my DH because firstly, it's my business- just because we're married doesn't mean we don't have the right for some things to be personal. Secondly, he would be likely to blurt it out to ILs when talking about pregnancy weight gain, and it's REALLY none of their business.

If he's worried about a history of eating disorders does he really think getting arsey and getting out of bed to find her notes is going to help ?

I think you need to have a chat about things for sure, but I think he handled it really badly.

Actually, I'm with you chequers. I never tell anyone my weight, never have. I'm only small and I weigh exactly what I should so it's got nothing to do with being embarrassed about it or anything. I just don't tell people.

Reading that back it does seem odd that I don't tell people but YKWIM.

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I would never tell anyone my weight not friends, ex H, parents, brother or any new partner I may meet.

My kids often ask me but I don't tell them either as they will tell their classmates.

I am overweight but even when I wasn't wouldn't have done then either.

So I am with the original poster.

I am not pg but my DH keeps trying to get me on scales. I had anorexia as a youngester and find eating well and exercise and judging my body by the fit of my jeans is the best way. I get on the scales every three months not every three minutes like I used to. I know I am healthy (size 10 so bang on I would say!) but he is obsessesed. He has started to put kids on too so I have hidden scales in cupboard as dont want them to become bothered about what the scales say. I want them to consider good health as important. By the way, DH is on his first EVER diet and has become 'like a woman'!!!. Knows the calorie content of everything except beer 'which doesnt count'.

PS Often IME people dress up noseyness/paternalistic/patronising behavour s as concern.

eg my family would like to know my financial situation out of concern but I know they being nosey so they could mull it over and ooh and aah.

But maybe I am just a cynical, weird old bag

Or hurt? As dal21 suggested?

My DH is overweight and very self conscious about it. But I would be hurt if he would not tell me how much he weighed because though it is just a number I would feel somehow excluded. I would feel the same if he refused to tell me where he was born or how much he earned!

Your DH's behaviour was far from exemplary. But maybe understandable.

it sounds to me like he was being an arse looking at your prg notes?? WTF???
there's no obligation to tell anyone that sort of private detail, married or no.
I think he has boundary ishooooooos

You could start to tell him in graphic detail about all the physical aspects of pregnancy and childbirth - I'd focus on the piles + mucus plug especially. Promise to keep informed of every development so he doesn't feel you're keeping things from him.

(I really like the word knocky, btw, never heard it before, is it regional?)

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