To be so utterly exhausted

[Pathologicalpeoplepleaser]

Just this really. The past 10 years of my life have been extremelly tough my parents lost their whole family business, my best friend died from cancer, I lost relatives during Covid and was made redundant at a job that I really loved.

Despite all that I have somehow managed to not give up and carried on and have even built a lovely family of my own with 3 beautiful kids. However, I feel like it is all catching up with me now. I feel such a profound lack of support in my life and feel like I carry everything on my shoulders. Whenever I try to talk about that with any of my family members they always remind me how their problems or struggles are a lot worser. I feel unheard and like my feelings don't matter. I feel like if I crashed tomorrow completely nobody would even offer a helping hand.

DH is a wonderful person but he works long hours and often prepares for projects during weekends and therefore I get zero breaks during weekends this has been going on for about 8 years now. I believe he is addicted to his work and thats the main reason for our arguments . I have never had a whole day to myself as I always need to do things for others first. My family would not help as they always have got some worries of their own. I feel like I have a severe burnout and exhaustion for example today I simply struggled to even cook as I just wanted someone else to do it at least once for me so I don't have to carry this mental load.

I am not a selfish person but I crave support and help from those closest to me but eventually just accept that if I don't do things they simply won't get done at all. I have considered taking anti depressants but the thing is I don't believe I am depressed as I am mostly drained by the ammount of things that always needs doing and how I have no one else to turn to.

Please be gentle in your replies as I am in a fragile state atm after a tough day with the kids and just need to get it out really.

Hi OP sorry to hear of your losses, sounds very tough. Are you in a position to seek out some private talk therapy?

I'm sorry to hear things have been so tough for you.

Your DH is using his work as an excuse. The fact that you never get a single day to yourself if frankly shocking. A wonderful man would not watch his wife do everything unaided.

He needs to buck his ideas up. It's not your job to keep every single plate spinning in the air!

You absolutely need to prioritise your own well being. If your username gives away the reality, you need to stop people pleasing. Your husband is not a wonderful man if he’s letting this continue.

sorry to hear this OP. As hard as it you may find it, you have to take some time for yourself. Don’t ask, tell your husband. If your husband is wonderful as you say he will understand. You’ve had years of putting others first, no wonder you feel like this. You are burning out and it’s so important for your own wellbeing that you look after yourself too! Book a spa day, or whatever makes you feel happy and relaxed. 💐you’re important too.

Plan a day out for yourself or even a night away. Don't ask just tell your dh you are going. Also exercise helps so tell him you are going to pilates/ walk etc. Make looking after yourself number one as then you have strength for others. Don't cook food before you go just walk out and let him handle it. If on a day like today you don't want to cook just make sandwiches or beans on toast. No one will die of the hunger.
If you can afford it have some counselling as they will help you process all that has happened and give you space to unwind.
So take the time. Don't ask your dh just tell him. No big speeches just go!!