First time ever properly losing it - WIBU?

[Calmondeck]

Is there any way back from here?

Prior to last night, I have always been the calm, collected type, even if I’m eye rolling or wondering WTAF inside. Not sure what came over me last night but I lost it at a friend…

Friend has a history of fallouts with most people (own parents, husband, friends, parents of children we know..). I am the last man standing unscathed from a friendship fallout, mostly because my child adores hers and I can tolerate the small talk.

However, this week she expressed very strong feelings that I was being unsupportive because I wouldn’t engage in demonising a wonderful woman we both know, because the woman dared to send her child to the park with a runny nose.

Friend has extreme, extreme health/illness anxiety, to the point I suggested she seek help this week…

All came to a head last night, in person, where I explained that not joining in bitching about someone is not being “unsupportive”. It went on, where she declared I have been empathetic to her health fears “until now”.

I was really simmering, after years of being outwardly understanding. I looked her cold and blank in the face, and declared “I’m done”, and left her standing in the street while I stormed off.

DH thinks it’s hilariously awkward but says for the sake of the children, it should try to amend things.

AiBU - yes, you should speak candidly in the moment instead of letting this build up to a point you abandon someone in the street

I don’t really see how what you did was losing it. To me losing it would be irrationally screaming at someone and make a scene. It sounds like you have fundamental differences and ultimately you don’t value her friendship anymore.

‘It went on, where she declared I have been empathetic to her health fears “until now”.’
She’s the only unreasonable one with this comment. No one deserve unlimited empathy particularly if it’s irrational anxiety fuelled.
Kids have runny noses all the time for all sorts of reasons. It’s not realistic or normal to keep them at home. My DD had a constant runny nose at the minute because she has hay fever. I’m not going to keep her away from public places because there’s a high pollen count and someone with health anxiety at the park.

My mother has health anxiety she refuses to seek treatment for so you have my sympathy. Its exhausting.

Last week I was having an asthma attack (I have the variant of asthma where you cough rather than wheeze) and she was panicing so much that I was coughing and she might catch a cold that I had to expend my energy to calm her down whilst having an asthma attack. Then when she realised it was 'just asthma' aka not contagious she lost interest and wandered out of the room. Leaving me behind to struggling with an asthma attack without checking I was alright. My asthma could technically kill me. A cold wont kill her

I came very close to an I'm done moment and I totally understand how you ended up there. The reality is the world wont stop because she's scared of a runny nose and she needs to get her health anxiety treated. Of course its ironic that she is the person ignoring the health problem whilst moaning about other people for the exact same thing.