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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want my FIL in my social networks

12 replies

Carrotcake93 · 28/05/2023 08:38

Hi everyone, sorry if this seems silly but I'm 36 weeks pregnant and taking everything very seriously in general, but here goes.

A month ago I received a friend request on Instagram from a woman I don't know, with whon I only had a friend in common, my FIL. I asked my dp about her and he said she was a friend of her father, from his village (we are both foreigners, so his father lives in his home country, I see him only when we go on holidays) I declined the request as I usually do with anyone I don't know personally and I didn't give it more importance. A couple of weeks ago, I get the same friend request from this woman again, along with a message from my FIL, saying (not even asking) that I should accept this woman, that she was his girlfriend (followed by stupid love smileys and complicity) I mentioned it to my dp, who seemed quite surprised, both by his father's strange insistence and by the fact that he had a girlfriend and that this was the way to announce it. Dp limited himself to saying that he would also be uncomfortable, and that I explained to my FIL that I don't feel comfortable and I did so. I expressed my congratulations, but that I was very sorry, that I do not accept requests from people I do not know personally, however, we would all know each other when we go to his country(September) to introduce him to his granddaughter. His response was a cold 'okay'. The next day I find another friend request again, this time from himself who apparently had deleted me from the networks and later regretted it. Again, I told my dp and also added that I was not going to accept his father anymore in the networks. He just accepted (very surprised again by his father's behavior) but we haven't talked about it again. Now I find myself in the situation that my FIL is dedicated to sending me his friend requests several times a week, which I find annoying and makes me want to block directly. I have to say that he and my dp are not very close, although my dp tries a lot, even when isn't a good father. My SIL hasn't spoken to him for years and doesn't want to hear from him, in fact I don't like him very much either. He doesn't seem like a bad man to me, but I definitely don't like the way he is. He pretends that he is a close and loving father there in his hometown, and he dedicates himself to downloading the photos that I myself publish (mine and my dp's) to post them on his networks and pretend with his friends. It also bothers me to have him as a friend because he can see when I post with my MIL and my SIL, with whom I do have a close and affectionate relationship (they live 2km from us). I don't know what to do, it bothers me to have him so aware of that aspect, he is giving too much importance to having me as a friend and I don't understand how he can add me and unaggregate me to get attention. Should I block it? I don't want to have him among my friends again.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 28/05/2023 08:41

Just block him and move on. If he asks why just say that you don’t tolerate harassment.

bestbefore · 28/05/2023 08:46

Just don't decline the request. He won't be able to do it again then will he? Just leave it on unresponsive to

Carrotcake93 · 28/05/2023 08:51

@bestbefore That's exactly what I do, but he seems to cancel and add back, almost every night. This is starting to get scary. He has a problem with alcohol, so I think he does it while he's drinking.

OP posts:
GrumpyPanda · 28/05/2023 09:10

Don't know about Insta but on FB you can mute rather than un-friend people and also set custom audiences (i.e. excluding your fil) for your posts. Bit of a faff but a less than nuclear option that would cut down on most of the hassle.

bestbefore · 28/05/2023 09:12

Oh gawd; that's not good!

EverythingsCominUpMilhouse · 28/05/2023 09:19

Block him - you shouldn't have to put up with his harassing behaviour just because he is your FIL. If he asks you when you see him, you can explain why you blocked him.

Do not tolerate his shitty behaviour.

So yeah, block and don't give him a second thought. You have far more important, exciting things going on!!

frazzledasarock · 28/05/2023 09:23

Block him and when you post pictures in social media post them only do your social network can see. So he can’t steal and upload your pictures on his social media.

Midlander01 · 28/05/2023 09:27

Block him on Insta and set any posts you make on Facebook so he can't see them.

wizbit93 · 28/05/2023 09:53

Alternatively, to shut him up you could add her. Then create a list and add everyone else to it. When you post you can choose your audience and just choose the list. She won't be able to see anything you post and you can just say you rarely use it Grin This is what I do!

justasking111 · 28/05/2023 09:58

I'd block on everything and set my accounts to private. I wouldn't dream of sharing my grandchildren pictures like this. It's just not done

Carrotcake93 · 28/05/2023 14:04

Thanks for the responses, I didn't know anymore if it was me alone who found this behavior a bit disturbing. I'm definitely going to block him and if he says anything then I'll explain that I feel harassed. I wouldn't allow it even to my own family😅

OP posts:
kravecaleksand · 30/06/2023 20:40

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