Unresolved parent issues

Chickenkeev · 2023-05-28T00:20:24+00:00

My dad was awful, an alcoholic who terrorised us. My mam eventually left him, i was an adult by then and had just had my own baby. I went NC with dad when mum left, solidarity with her etc. Then he died, never even having met his first grandchild. It all makes 'sense', i don't think i did anything wrong but i have this awful niggling feeling. Please help me shift the nasty feeling ☹️

Chispazo · 28/05/2023 01:28

You wish thongs could have been better.p but did he ever take any accountability for you having stopped contact? Did he ever reach out? Ever try to make it up? Any evidence he had changed?

Sorry. I know how hard it is. My own parents have been a United force against me, so I never had to choose sides, but omg you can't change who people are no matter how badly they disappoint you.

fearfulexchange · 28/05/2023 01:37

You did the right thing 💐

Kitkatcatflap · 28/05/2023 02:05

You protected your child. You didn't want your baby to go through what you or your mother did.

Original poster

Chickenkeev · 28/05/2023 02:23

Chispazo · 28/05/2023 01:28

You wish thongs could have been better.p but did he ever take any accountability for you having stopped contact? Did he ever reach out? Ever try to make it up? Any evidence he had changed?

Sorry. I know how hard it is. My own parents have been a United force against me, so I never had to choose sides, but omg you can't change who people are no matter how badly they disappoint you.

He never accepted that anything he did was wrong. He was never able to do that. He had a dreadful upbringing tbf but i can"t forgive him for what he did to us.

OP posts:

NotMeSecretFormular · 28/05/2023 02:39

You did the right thing. There are 3 of us siblings who went NC with our "DF" due to physical and mental child abuse. He had contact with my DD until she was 2 because I had to move back into my parents house after my abusive relationship with DD's "DF" ended. All contact stopped when he physically assaulted me one night while little DD was asleep upstairs. DM divorced him soon after. DD is 11 now and has no memories of him.
The man now has 3 more grandkids he's never met. He always said he was a family man, funny how he went about it. I hope the loss of us and his grandkids cuts him deep every day for the rest of his sad lonely life.

JMSA · 28/05/2023 02:46

It goes without saying you've done nothing wrong, but his death is bound to have unsettled you a bit

Original poster

Chickenkeev · 28/05/2023 03:14

NotMeSecretFormular · 28/05/2023 02:39

You did the right thing. There are 3 of us siblings who went NC with our "DF" due to physical and mental child abuse. He had contact with my DD until she was 2 because I had to move back into my parents house after my abusive relationship with DD's "DF" ended. All contact stopped when he physically assaulted me one night while little DD was asleep upstairs. DM divorced him soon after. DD is 11 now and has no memories of him.
The man now has 3 more grandkids he's never met. He always said he was a family man, funny how he went about it. I hope the loss of us and his grandkids cuts him deep every day for the rest of his sad lonely life.

That's hard. He's getting what he deserves but it's hard x

OP posts:

Wildspace · 28/05/2023 08:10

You prioritised yourself and your boundaries. That’s a real show of strength. Sounds like you’re doing a great job. Spend your mental energy on building your future for your family.