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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To call bluff on bankruptcy even if I get less

14 replies

puttyinboots · 27/05/2023 21:39

I've been in a very complex situation with my 'DH' that started after he told the whole family to fuck ourselves and double-birded us all over Christmas dinner then told me he'd never been in love with me after frequently disappearing to America, running up high debts, surveilling me and hiding serious money trouble (failing company).

I had a big AIBU thread which was very helpful as I was getting serious abuse from him because I wouldn't remove my matrimonial rights marker on the house (he tried to trick me) and allow a remortgage that again he lied saying it was for renovation when he then later revealed huge debts (60k in January alone probably spent on an OW).

My AIBU is, he has been selling things to get by with no income but is running out of things to sell. the remortgage offer expires end of June and still stands, but to allow that I would have to sign a permanent retraction of my matrimonial rights. he says he will have to file for bankruptcy by the end of June if I do not accept an agreement for him to buy me out, after which he will rent the main house to pay the mortgage.

The bank was valued at 850k in January by the bank so I estimated about 350k equity but he now says valuation last week was 795k and so he can only afford to do a settlement of 150k but it has to be in the next few weeks. he says this would be a separation agreement using 80k of remortgage and rest borrowed, held by solicitor before I sign forms.

I'm worried he's trying to trick me as if what he says is true (had to borrow £40 off me to sell stuff the other week) not paid mortgage or secured loan, can't get a job, company basically finished etc, then it doesn't make sense to me how he can afford to keep the house, as renting would only make 4-5k which is more than (2+k a month mortgage, 1k a month car, 1k a month just to repay 60k amex) plus the house would need fixing up a bit to rent plus other costs.

Another big factor here is that I found out he did similar to his ex wife. he's a conman that has used me and other woman for free childcare and financially, he only got this big house because of me (dad's money) and I feel like why should he keep it after the way he treated me. he's a monster and should be stopped. I feel like calling his bluff as even if I get less money at least he wouldn't have tricked me and a settlement would be done based on facts!

Also aware however that him going bankrupt right before divorce could be horrendous as would affect a financial order, and it may be a ploy for him to stop me getting equity and to keep the house. But It doesn't make sense that he'd want to go bankrupt as he has a company here (owes huge pay bill plus vat penalties) and a company in America that got 3m last year, he has no intention of working a normal job and wants to be the next Elon musk making billions from that company. going bankrupt would be a big problem surely. so I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Mummapenguin20 · 27/05/2023 21:45

I think I’d calm his bluff

Qwerty111 · 27/05/2023 21:46

I think you need legal advice putty, few people will have been through anything like this.

But if you want unqualified advice, in my experience when a con artist is trying to con you then the offer always has an artificially short time period to accept. Like this one does. You’d want to get your own valuations done.

ScatsThat · 27/05/2023 21:48

Speak to a solicitor

puttyinboots · 27/05/2023 21:50

Yes I'm booking my own valuations as he's not shown me proof of that one.

He's saying that if I don't do it the house has to be sold but because of falling house prices and fees debts etc that would mean we only get 50k each or something.

My solicitor charges £165 per email! I'm trying to get a free consultation elsewhere but just wondered if anyone had any opinions as it doesn't make sense. Today he left to go away for a week but apparently doesn't have money and there is genuinely debt letters piling (he lives in separate building)

OP posts:
ScatsThat · 27/05/2023 21:50

And yes, get a couple more valuations on the property to verify what he is saying regarding the value decreasing.

ScatsThat · 27/05/2023 21:53

You might get more insight if you post in the Legal matters section (https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/legal_matters)

puttyinboots · 27/05/2023 21:56

People were very helpful on the last thread by the way I feel like I owe an update a little bit so for anyone who remembers about the surveillance and threats/fraud etc and abandoning his children then I did speak to police in the end they were extremely helpful and warned him about the cameras so I was able to hide them (he threatened to guard them 24/7 when he came back)

I spoke to them about the possible fraud so cleared my conscience there. He gave a no comment interview and they've left the file open. He is now responsible for his kids again and only leaving when it's school holidays as he has no childcare. He's still being abusive but less frequently as lives in the other building.

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 27/05/2023 21:56

See a solicitor and start the divorce with a financial order. Tell your DH he can tell the judge his woes instead of you as you want it settled via the courts. He will freak out. He's manipulating you so don't fall for it.

RedHelenB · 27/05/2023 21:57

If he goes bankrupt your half of the house won't he affected. However, there will be no money for you other than your half of the equity. Up to you to decide if you can live with that, if you can then I'd call his bluff and see what happens.

Qwerty111 · 27/05/2023 21:58

Also don’t lend him any more £40s

puttyinboots · 27/05/2023 21:58

I'm only interested in the house equity really, he's been selling all the other assets anyway..
I don't think his company is worth anything as although it got millions last year he burned through it all and there's no product or revenue..

I'm not sure if my half of equity would be protected in bankruptcy as I'm not on the mortgage or deeds other than that matrimonial rights marker

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 28/05/2023 12:42

puttyinboots · 27/05/2023 21:58

I'm only interested in the house equity really, he's been selling all the other assets anyway..
I don't think his company is worth anything as although it got millions last year he burned through it all and there's no product or revenue..

I'm not sure if my half of equity would be protected in bankruptcy as I'm not on the mortgage or deeds other than that matrimonial rights marker

In that case I'd push on with divorce ASAP.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 28/05/2023 12:49

Fuck it. Call his bluff.

Worst case is that you end up with nothing and so does he. However, he's intentionally depriving capital and by the sounds of it, a shitload of financial abuse to boot.

Haffiana · 28/05/2023 12:59

You are at risk of losing £10,000s because you won't spend a few £100s on getting proper legal advice. This is a decision that is at least as bad as anything your partner has done.

You cannot blame that on anyone except yourself.

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