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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

'oh, you'll have to keep trying until you have a boy then'

22 replies

Spottypineapple · 27/05/2023 19:59

Were my Dad's first words when I told him I'm having a second girl.

DM said 'oh are you disappointed it's not a boy?' in a patronising tone.

I had no preference either way and am delighted DD will be getting a sister. I'm hardly expecting a big song and dance, it's just a piece of information, but why can't people stick to a polite 'oh how great' or whatever. DPs family managed it when we told them. My families reactions have just left me feeling a little flat.

Not AIBU just a vent, sorry.

OP posts:

Hiddenvoice · 27/05/2023 20:11

That’s awful, I’m sorry they weren’t as excited as they should have been!

My family were very similar when I announced I was having a little girl. They told me my dh and I were more suited to be parents of a boy and we’re not sure how we’d handle it! I was just happy to be having a healthy pregnancy!

OnSusansFloor · 27/05/2023 20:11

Oh it goes both ways. I have a DD and a DS, and I've lost count of how many people have said "Oh, one of each! You must be done then!"
Must I? 🤔
I tend to just respond with faux confusion. When they have to explain their reasoning sometimes they realise how stupid they sound 🙄

tb4122 · 27/05/2023 20:34

I think this usually people projecting their own feelings and preferences. When I told my mum I was expecting a boy she said "Oh. Are you happy?" She has two girls and has previously said she thought I would have girls too. My own preference was for a boy, although it was a very weak preference and I wouldn't have minded either way.

She adores him now he's here and says she can't imagine him being any different but her initial response of "Oh" made me feel rather flat on the day we found out the sex, so I understand.

Curseofthenation · 27/05/2023 20:39

They are definitely projecting. It's a shame they couldn't hide it but if they're decent people then they'll love your baby all the same when she arrives.

x2boys · 27/05/2023 20:41

Happens both ways I had the same comment when I had my second boy ,oh will you be trying for a girl ,no I wanted two children which I have and I love them both immensely I'm sure I would have loved two girls or one of each just the same people say silly things

pennypingletonpenny · 27/05/2023 20:47

People are so weird sometimes and make some really weird comments. I have two girls as well, the only odd remark I had was from my colleague who looked at me strangely and said “oh…and how do you feel about that? You’re not disappointed?”

I was genuinely baffled and couldn’t work out what she meant!

I love having two girls and couldn’t be happier, although to be honest I’m not sure I would care either way. There are far more important things to worry about like the health of the baby etc!

weetabixwithbutterandjam · 27/05/2023 20:48

My family had a bit of reaction like that when I was having my second boy and even more so with my third boy! I was so excited but I could tell some seemed a bit disappointed. They all adore them now though. I still get comments from others about if we're going to 'try' for a girl though (we're not)

tigger2022 · 27/05/2023 20:50

My dad said something similar when I was pregnant with ds (first baby) he said “oh, you can stop at one then”

which stung a lot since my brother is the youngest after me and my sister 😬

x2boys · 27/05/2023 20:50

Tbh, though I my parents had me and my sister so they had two.girls they were quite surprised when their first grandchild was a boy but now they have four grandsons and are delighted with all of the! It's just initial perception,s .

OliveWah · 27/05/2023 21:13

YANBU - I got a bit of that from FIL, needless to say I'm not terribly invested in his opinions on the genders of my DC, so I just rolled my eyes.

My favourite response when I told people we were expecting a 2nd DD, came from my DSis, who said "Ahhhh, sisters! Sisters are the best!", which made me feel very loved!

openstop · 27/05/2023 21:15

tigger2022 · 27/05/2023 20:50

My dad said something similar when I was pregnant with ds (first baby) he said “oh, you can stop at one then”

which stung a lot since my brother is the youngest after me and my sister 😬

OUCH!

openstop · 27/05/2023 21:16

I don't have time for this attitude - shut it down and tell them if they are that disappointed not to worry as they don't ever have to see your children.

GettingStuffed · 27/05/2023 21:16

Have two DS1 and a DD , DD has 3sons, my mum has 2 girls, my grand had 3 girls and 3 boys. No-one cared what sex the children were as !omg as they were healthy

Blessedbethefruitz · 27/05/2023 21:22

I've had it all ways. With my first, a boy, one (female) friend said to me that I wasn't good with women and would be a much better mother of boys and she couldnt imagine me with a girl... My mum told me that boys are much better because they're loving and sweet to their mums... (my little brother lives halfway around the world and doesn't remember their birthdays).

When I had my second, a girl, I got the same comments about how I was obviously all done now I had one of each. I mean, I am, but only because of nursery and housing costs!

PracticallyFlooredZero · 27/05/2023 21:31

It’s the same when you have 2 boys too. I was very annoyed at several people being openly disappointed when ds2 was a boy. And again when the same people were overjoyed my third was a girl, telling me how amazing it would be to FINALLY!!! have my girl I’d have been just as happy with a third boy!

TheHandbag · 27/05/2023 21:35

My dh's aunt said this to me when dd was born so I said 8 didn't realise that she was a misogynist. She shut up and never said anything like that again, well not in front of me.

Original poster

Spottypineapple · 27/05/2023 21:36

I knew I wouldn't be the only one! I just find it so odd, saying something clumsy for the sake of saying something instead of just saying 'great news'

I know they'll adore her, but I'd rather not know what's actually in the back of their minds. Now chewing it over I'm probably a bit miffed because my younger brother has always been the golden child

OP posts:

TennisWithDeborah · 27/05/2023 21:41

My mate had two girls then a boy. She and her husband had always wanted four children (both were from small, slightly dysfunctional families and they wanted different for their kids) so she duly got pregnant a fourth time. Some people were astonished at this, given she’d achieved the holy grail of a boy.

PJRules · 27/05/2023 23:01

What a disappointing attitude. I'm sure it's just an old fashioned attitude not a lack of love.

Congratulations on dd2.

Theprincessisblanketed · 28/05/2023 00:59

I had medical problems which meant my second had to be my last so every time someone felt the need to tell me I 'didnt need' to have any more because I had one of each sex I wanted to cry and/or punch them in the face.

I'm not a demonstrative or violent person though, so I didn't.

Murdoch1949 · 28/05/2023 07:49

I've a friend with 8 boys, she's never given up hope! They're lovely lads.

surreygirl1987 · 28/05/2023 08:41

How rude. I had similar from my grandmother, who was openly disappointed that my first was a boy. Goodness knows what she thought when my second was too! People are weird.

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