To cancel our family holiday

[CancelHoliday]

I am tired and in pain everyday and have to use a wheelchair at all times outside the house. My husband has recently been diagnosed with a permanent disability too.

I have returned back to full time work after being at home with the kids for a number of years. Due to the COL costs and our health needs. My return to work has meant no improvements to our financial situation (though I shudder at where we would now be without my job)

I have been saving for months with the hope of taking our family on a four night UK holiday to a cheap (I really hope it isn't a scam) converted caravan I found on Facebook. It is a bit small for our family and I will be sleeping on the sofa but as I rarely sleep past 4am, I don't mind that.

I have booked and paid a deposit but I really think I should cancel it now.

As it is a waste of money for something we haven't had for the last 3/4 years anyway. Though I am sad that the youngest kid can not ever remember having been on holiday with us.

Because older kid wants to stay home and not come at 17yo and younger kid only wants to go swimming. Something I can't do with them. So I would be watching from the side and smiling hard (as I use to love swimming)

We'll be watching our money on holiday and will have to do cheap/free things there, but we are use to that.

I am also worried as I can only take my folding travel wheelchair which is painful and comfortable at the best of times and I really can't stand the thought of it for four days.

My oldest was joyfully explaining to DH how they really didn't think our family was bonded at all, as an aside to discussing other things. Which has really upset me, I tried my best and clearly failed. 100% my fault, the pain, lack of sleep on top of a full time job has really reduced my capacity to be a good parent. But it still hurt to hear it.

I am now dreading this holiday, what is the point of struggling to do this. I really enjoyed our holidays in the past, but I guess this is something else, I should understand won't work well with my wheelchair.

I need to speak to my DH. Maybe he would find it easier to go with the kids without me. I only make things harder, there are so many places I can't go/get into.

Or maybe I need to woman up, grit my teeth and get on with things. After all, I will be tired and in pain wherever I am. That was the plan all along, I just have got disheartened at going though this for an experiences the kids don't want anyway.

Please think before you post, I am a real person and I feel so low at the moment.

I’m sorry things are so hard.

Would it be better doing day trips. I’m not sure where you’re located but trips to the coast, theme parks? We use the Kellogg’s and Cadbury vouchers for merlin attractions. Your 17 yo and younger one could do the rides while you and your DH could find a nice spot to enjoy the day with the children coming back and forth. Take your own food, hot dogs in a flask, thermos with tea or coffee.

Look for Aqua parks you could easily travel too, your DCs can have an experience on them while you watch from the side lines.

At 17 I would absolutely expect you older DS to be able to take their younger sibling swimming in the holidays and meet up with you and DH afterwards to do something free and nice, picnic in the park, find a place to fly kites, even bring a board game, pack of cards..

put a thread up asking for parks and free attractions in an area that’s easy to travel to for you. I’m sure you will get lots of feedback.

We didn’t think we could do anything this year but I said screw it and just booked 4 nights in a haven site during term time, saving £800 from summer holiday prices. The kids will get lots of swimming sessions included and eat cheap food like hot dogs, nuggets and chips for the week. I will stock up on ice lollies and ice cream so they can have lots of treats, just not at caravan park prices. I will not get a fine as they will be going into school the day we leave so they won’t be off for 10 consecutive sessions.

We've been in this situation before and I decided that I’d rather spend money on making home fun for our DCs than the stress of paying for a week away and hardly anything to show for it. We got a decent sized pool, already had an old slide so they could slide into the pool. We got a basketball hoop and just stuff in general so being at home wasn’t that bad.

Having holidays isn’t the be all and end all as long as the children are having fun. I know we are lucky as we are only a short drive from the coast and there are plenty of big parks for us to take our DCs to, they fly kites, take scooters, skateboard, all free activities. You’d only need to make sure you have decent wheel chair access.

As long as you’re together that’s bonding even if you can’t always participate. I have chronic health issues so don’t interact with my DCs with a lot of their activities, but I know I’m lucky as you obviously are in a more difficult situation being wheel chair bound.

Good luck op x

If you are getting a regular car and not a WAV then you don't need to pay an advance payment.
However di apply for the grant as it's not true that you have to be unemployed you just have to be low income.

If you are getting a regular car and not a WAV then you don't need to pay an advance payment.

That very much depends on the size of car you need. If you need a larger car/boot then all the cars do have an AP. Although OP should ask about a grant again.

First if all a big hug - sounds tough.
Teenagers say horrible things - i remover that I told my mum on Easter Sunday in a Catholic Church that I don’t believe in god.

You don’t have to do much or go for day trips on holiday to have a good time. We came away recently whe the weather was bad . My children like it best when we are together , not working and relaxed. We do jigsaws , play cards, they have more freedom than at home.

I would say go for it. If the 17 year old doesn’t want to come let them stay at home.

I’m going to go with the minority here and say perhaps you should cancel and just do day trips over the summer x my friend is in a wheelchair and I honestly can’t imagine her sitting through a drive like that or sleeping in a caravan for that matter and then with the money, plus you just don’t sound in the right headspace. Huge hugs op on whatever you decide

I am sure your husband wouldn't find it easier to go without you.

We sometimes do "holiday at home" - basically stay at home but take the budget we'd have spent on accommodation, and blow it on day trips and meals out at home. Try to give everyone a break from the cooking, phones off, play games, spend time together etc as you would on holiday. I wonder if this would make sense with your "energy budget" too - take the energy, time and money it would take to travel to your holiday place and instead invest it on fun together at home.

I have a friend who holidays about 20 mins from home. It's still a break and change of scene, without using all her spoons to get there. Your holiday doesn't have to look like everyone else's.

Don't take the teen's comments to heart.

If the car has done less miles than your allowed over the 3 years they will let you extended the lease on it they did for my mum because her car didn’t get used during the lockdown and then for a year because she had cataracts in both her eyes and couldn’t drive she’s only be able to drive her again since March so they let her keep it for another 2 years phone them up and ask them about it they should let you extend the lease on it which will give you a bit longer to get the money together for your next car.

The car definitely has low miles on it, so it is looking hopeful that we might be able to extend our lease!

I will ask about the grant again.

Whatever happens this year, next year will be day trips or a very short and local holiday

This 100% OP.

Also less expense whilst you are there.

Don't pay too much heed to what your 17 year old says re the family- at that age my youngest son gleefully told me that his G/F parents had money because they'd always been careful with it.
At the time I'd been a single parent for 13 years as hod dad ran off with my wealthy friend and left me in financial dire straits their whole lives.

Oh the joys.

He's 32 now and understands the World a lot better!

Go with your youngest, leave the 17yo at home, and remember you are doing a fabulous job!!

Lovely post! Yes mine were the same, and know better now!