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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don’t think I believe him

18 replies

95s · 27/05/2023 16:56

Life has been super stressful and hard the past year or so (pretty much the same as everyone else)

things with my husband have been strained, by the end of the day I’m so exhausted that i really don’t have the energy to do anything, if you catch my drift.
I have always had a pretty low sex drive anyway, and I’m a super prude!!
thats not saying if my husband asks I don’t just get on with it because I know he has needs too.

well I was on my husbands phone the other day just looking at the kids photos not snooping, my phone is always open to him and vice versa, or so I thought.
there was a looked folder (deleted) so I unlocked it and there was a picture of his downstairs, that he had did not send to me!

I asked him about it straight away and it started off as I’m sorry, then turned into I wanted to send it to you but didn’t think you’d like it, to I make life so difficult and he is sex deprived. But still stands on that it was meant for me.

so I decided to make more of an effort in the bedroom and he more or less rejected me.

but here’s my thing I just really really don’t believe him.

our social media accounts were linked (he created them) so that whatever was done on them we could view. I’ve never been bothered about it. Don’t think I’ve ever looked on his, well he’s now made a new one that isn’t connected to mine.

YABU - believe him and get over it
YANBU - sounds like he’s lying

OP posts:
Bb234 · 27/05/2023 17:01

He’s lying

DustyLee123 · 27/05/2023 17:02

You don’t trust him. End of .

FunnyFox · 27/05/2023 17:03

Doesn't sound good

Irritateandunreasonable · 27/05/2023 17:14

Your social media accounts are linked. I would think that’s because he’s worried you are doing the same to him that he is doing to you.

We know when our men are lying and now he’s gas lighting you and trying to convince you the pic was for when it clearly wasn’t.

I would have way more of an issue with the fact he was lying to my face and manipulating me then the fact he made a mistake. If he just manned up and admitted it there would be a chance (for me) that we could resolve things and build trust again but I couldn’t be with a lying manipulator who respected me so little.

woofrood · 27/05/2023 17:27

Does he have the app Reddit on his phone?
Otherwise, could you open it on his browser?

Original poster
95s · 27/05/2023 17:29

100% that’s how I feel!

if he just told the truth or was even a bit more convincing I don’t think I’d be as cut up about it.

but every time I look at him now I just want to scream

OP posts:
Original poster
95s · 27/05/2023 17:30

woofrood · 27/05/2023 17:27

Does he have the app Reddit on his phone?
Otherwise, could you open it on his browser?

I don’t even know what Reddit is to be honest

OP posts:
something2say · 27/05/2023 17:34

What did you think he would do for sex tho?

philautia · 27/05/2023 17:38

Well, it seems like he's lying but also, you describe sex as though it's an annual visit to the dentist. It's probably too late for you to feign interest as he will know you're only doing it to get his interest back. I couldn't be in a marriage like this, it must be bad for both of you.

woofrood · 27/05/2023 17:39

95s · 27/05/2023 17:30

I don’t even know what Reddit is to be honest

Show quote history

It's an online forum. But some men join in to chat with random women on sex threads, sext, send nudes, etc...

Freefall212 · 27/05/2023 17:40

It doesn't really seem fair to either of you to stay in this marriage. Someone having duty sex or fine, use my body to meet your needs sex is not a healthy marriage for either party. He should be with someone who is attracted to him and desires him and wants him sexually and you should be with someone who is also fine with no sex so that neither of you need to put out without wanting to.

JMSA · 27/05/2023 17:41

He's lying, but you're incompatible and should probably break up.

Original poster
95s · 27/05/2023 17:43

I have a low sex drive not zero sex drive. I do want it too, but not 5-6 times a week. Or middle of the day when we have small kids running around the house.

there is also never any lead up to sex. It’s just sex always for him never for me. He can’t just have a cuddle on the sofa watching a movie. He can’t just give me a kiss it always in his mind has to lead to sex or there is no point

OP posts:
Original poster
95s · 27/05/2023 17:46

Also we have been married for ten years

OP posts:
woofrood · 27/05/2023 17:47

95s · 27/05/2023 17:43

I have a low sex drive not zero sex drive. I do want it too, but not 5-6 times a week. Or middle of the day when we have small kids running around the house.

there is also never any lead up to sex. It’s just sex always for him never for me. He can’t just have a cuddle on the sofa watching a movie. He can’t just give me a kiss it always in his mind has to lead to sex or there is no point

That would put me right off.
No wonder you don't enjoy sex if he doesn't take time to pleasure you too.
He sounds selfish

Lostinplaces · 27/05/2023 17:54

He’s using you as an object to stick his dick in. He’s disgusting. Divorce him.

MsDogLady · 27/05/2023 18:36

@95s, he’s lying.

He said his explicit photo was meant for you and that he wants a more active sex life, yet when you made the effort he rejected you, and then created a new FB account.

He’s up to something illicit. The photo was meant for another woman/women and he is taking you for a fool.

I see from your update that he is a sex pest and a selfish lover. As he is also a lying manipulator who is hiding penis pics to be sent elsewhere, I’d be planning an exit strategy.

CaroleSinger · 27/05/2023 18:50

I'm sat here wondering why he's sending people pictures of his living room. His downstairs you say?

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