To be fed up that ds was all but ignored during a family gathering?

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Will quickly outline - 2 grandbabies very close together and first grandbabies in family.

Very competitive family...

When SIL had GC2 massive scenes about how gc2 was not being given enough attention, to the point where even FIL made a point (not usual at all) that this was fictitious and untrue.

Had family gathering at w/end and gc1 (my dc) was barely spoken to by FIL while he dangled and looked after (to the point of babysitting, bathing and feeding) gc2. Oh and there was the film coverage of gc2, shot on our camera, without even one frame of any of our family.

DH rarely gets upset by his family, he's very accepting and forgiving and loyal to the point of madness at times, but even he was pissed off this w/end - but won't really say anything, unlike SIL when she feels anything but the centre of the sun.

Am starting to feel like being a bit sh*y about being so convenient with the contact they have and know I should really try not to be - SIL has restricted contact in the past, and now gc1 (my dc) seems to have become quite superfluous to requirements now restrictions have been lifted.

Part of me thinks I shouldn't be so pissy about this, but I know if boot was on the other foot then SIL and BIL would be loudly voicing their objections - starting to think maybe we should see different bits of the family separately to avoid problem repeating itself...

Thoughts or wisdom?

It's about your SIL and keeping her sweet - families are brilliant at falling into decades-long patterns of behaviour at least prompting - not anything to do with loving your dc less. Why not try to take him/her to see grandparents when your SIL isn't there. Restricing access is a very unpleasant thing to do and ultimately your dc will suffer because of it.

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Sounds really unfair/hurtful, but its really better not to get dragged into the pettiness. It will exhaust you all emotionally and probably isn't the best example for either of your dc

I don't think you are BU at all to be put out about this, but my thoughts are that perhaps your FIL is trying to desperately keep the peace with your SIL, hence not showing you or your DC much attention. He probably didn't dare to in case he upset your SIL and she decided to restrict access again. I'm sure your FIL thinks that you & your DH are reasonable people...that's the trouble when there's one 'awkward' person in the family -- that person gets pandered to, to the expense of everyone else's feelings.

Perhaps the next time you see them by yourselves, your DH can raise with your parents?

Good luck.

I know restricted access is wrong, just feel like it at the mo - we're generally always available at a moments notice, and I really like my in-laws, so won't go that route (plus DH would probably DIVORCE!)

Feel like making comments next time like - oh, don't get the cameras out, the movie star gc hasn't arrived yet...but possibly I need to take a breath and grow up.

Am quite hurt/upset as last time we were all together fil gave gc1 a bath and helped get gc ready for bed then when offered opportunity to help us said 'what does gc do in bath' I said 'sits and gets washed' and he said 'no, won't bother', as if other gc has some kind of godlike revelation while sitting in the bath.

Am thinking of maybe having a discreet word with FIL or SIL about competitive thing - at the end of the day it would be IMO nice if cousins could be allowed to get on with each other instead of having to fight it out for any attention or affection!

SIL also knows how to play the family.

Your SIl sounds like spoilt twat. Be the bigger person.

That sounds so annoying. Could you perhaps say to your PILs that you understand that they are trying to avoid a scene with you SIL, but that as your ds grows up he won't have the maturity to know that this is the case and may believe that his grandparents don't love him as much as their other grandchild. Therefore it might be best to keep whole family gatherings quite short and to mostly see PIL without your SIL present, perhaps at your house.

You could even change your behaviour without being explicit, turn down invitations when you know SIL will be there but invite your PILs to your house more frequently so that your ds sees his gps with the same frequency.

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I had a big 'to do' with my parents over the favouritism they showed my brother and his family. It went down like a lead balloon as you can imagine, with vehement denials of more attention given to them.

I see the situation now more as a reflection of my Brothers insatiable need to be 'top dog' in the family, and his wifes! It shows them up for the loons they are.

My parents have def. given my lot more of their time since I blew up about it, and realise my brother and family 'play' them, but my brother is still as demanding.

Restricting access might make you feel better short term, but it can turn into a stand off if you are not careful.

Yes am thinking along those lines and maybe gentle verbal reminders...it's a shame as SIL and I get on well when it's just the 4 (IYSWIM) of us and no PILs and PILS and I get on well, it's just when everyone is together - I suppose it really grates as SIL was so paranoid and made such a fuss when her DC was born, to the point of thrusting baby into peoples arms and making caustic comments at any attention given to gc1!

Grrr

DH also gets over these things much quicker than I do as I'm upset that his father hurt his feelings so much too at the w/end...

Off to do some retail therapy now!