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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I out of order to kick off?!

11 replies

BomDiaTudo · 27/05/2023 00:21

Partner and I, 15 years and counting. Know minimal parts about his past including ex wife’s etc. the last wedding was in an India isle, questionable about the legality. He’s always told her and me it wasn’t legal when she looked at divorce as all they did was exchange feathers and leaves, no paperwork to prove otherwise. Him and I move to Spain recently and the laws here are very explicit that everything goes to the marital partner. We are considering the future as we own the house half and half, his savings, my savings and his pension etc. It’s not been a problem until I mentioned it a few weeks ago and he did a snivelling nose look and said ‘oh actually it might be legal’ after 15 years of 100% saying the wedding was not legal. And now I mention it to discuss as will have a huge impact on me and he gets angry, defensive and I get told I didn’t say that, you are imagining it and that I’ve had too much to I drink and am looking for a fight (2.5 glasses of wine)

I don’t know what to do. He’s a dick, he’s always been a dick but the goodness in him makes up for it. This just seems too important when I may be left alone in a foreign country alone with no money or housing to let this issue lie? Him being married to her is huge!

This isn’t so much an AIBU but more a please help me. I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 27/05/2023 00:25

Please seek legal advice, prenup and make sure it’s all fair and square and legal. Don’t let him have all of anything of yours.

StarGazerOriental · 27/05/2023 00:38

I don’t know what to do. He’s a dick, he’s always been a dick but the goodness in him makes up for it

He’s lied to you, gaslights you and you see good in this sad specimen? Why do you set your bar so low? You’re worth SO much more OP. Also ex wife’s? Not one but many? He’s really pulled the wool over your eyes hasn’t he? I think you need a bloody good lawyer.

StarGazerOriental · 27/05/2023 00:40

Apologies I just re-read and it’s one ex wife. My above advice still stands, he’s gaslighting you.

NewPinkJacket · 27/05/2023 00:43

There's a lot to unpick here but can you just clarify what this legally means?

Him and I move to Spain recently and the laws here are very explicit that everything goes to the marital partner.

What do you mean by 'everything'?

NewPinkJacket · 27/05/2023 00:44

Do you mean your inlaws want his ex to inherit from them?

JeandeServiette · 27/05/2023 00:48

NewPinkJacket · 27/05/2023 00:44

Do you mean your inlaws want his ex to inherit from them?

Spanish "laws" not in-laws.

JeandeServiette · 27/05/2023 00:50

You realise OP that he probably isn't really married to her? He's just reverse ferreting to avoid marrying you. If they were legally married, I'm sure she would have established that and divorced him by now. He sounds like a contemptible little weasel.

NewPinkJacket · 27/05/2023 00:56

JeandeServiette · 27/05/2023 00:48

Spanish "laws" not in-laws.

Oh bugger! Sorry I need to not post when drinking wine 😂😳

JeandeServiette · 27/05/2023 01:04

@NewPinkJacket Grin

Equalitea · 27/05/2023 05:26

I’d make contact with her. Or request that he did. Or contact the embassy of the country for advice.

There is absolutely no chance that I would become financially entangled with someone who was married to someone else.

He may have just exchanged feathers but she may have collected the license etc!

I am sure if you asked my DH about our wedding (long ago) he’d say he just turned up. He’d forget all the prior and post admin.

I do agree with a previous poster, possibly he just doesn’t want to marry you, was marriage discussed? I think if you’re not married and he’s not married then his share if anything happened would go to his parent or child.

Take out a life insurance policy that more than covers his half and even if something does happen you could buy the person who inherits out?

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 27/05/2023 06:31

Leave him. What a mess.

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