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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend points out all my insecurities!

30 replies

chychyete · 26/05/2023 22:05

Hi ladies , my partner points out all things that's wrong with me more than he says i'm beautiful etc

I don't know if he's being kind and honest about it or if it's bad I know it's good to be with someone that will rather tell you the truth than to pretend

But I told him about it and he still does it I just feel ugly

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 26/05/2023 22:06

Dump him

DuchessOfSausage · 26/05/2023 22:07

Dump him and get your post moved to Relationshis

RaisinsAreTheWorkOfTheDevil · 26/05/2023 22:08

Get rid.
It will only get worse and you will end up with no self-esteem in time.

GoalShooter · 26/05/2023 22:09

Well he sounds like a prince Confused

WhatADrabCarpet · 26/05/2023 22:09

No. That's not what a partner does in a loving relationship.

It's what a partner does in the beginnings of a coercive relationship.

He doesn't like aspects of you because they annoy him so he mentions them to change you to his liking.

You know which way the hills are...

GabriellaMontez · 26/05/2023 22:10

He's a twat. Dump him. Find someone better.

DuchessOfSausage · 26/05/2023 22:11

It depends on what he says and how he says it, but if you are asking then it's probably not good or kind.

Are you prompting any of the comments?

PS I can spell Relationships and I still think you should dump him

Isitthathardtobekind · 26/05/2023 22:11

WhatADrabCarpet · 26/05/2023 22:09

No. That's not what a partner does in a loving relationship.

It's what a partner does in the beginnings of a coercive relationship.

He doesn't like aspects of you because they annoy him so he mentions them to change you to his liking.

You know which way the hills are...

This!! Get out now.

TheSandgroper · 26/05/2023 22:19

Making you feel bad makes him feel good and he likes that bit.

Owlglasses · 26/05/2023 22:31

Firstly, there's nothing 'wrong' with you. You're you with all the traits and features that make you the person you are. Someone who loves you will love you for what you are and not find things to nit pick away at.

He sounds like a manipulative arse who is trying to make you small to make himself look big. People who deliberately put you on the back foot do so for a reason and no good can come of it for you. If you stay with this nob it will only get worse and worse.

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 26/05/2023 22:35

No no no. Don't let some wanker ruin your life OP. What would your advice be to a friend who told you this about their boyfriend?

AgathaX · 26/05/2023 22:38

This is so wrong. He should be admiring you, giving you confidence. Not destroying your self esteem.
You do better.

Densol57 · 26/05/2023 22:43

Just get rid ! Life is too short to put yourself through this nonsense and he wont change. We all never change - we are who we are and you are who you are. LTB

Justyouwait · 26/05/2023 22:49

Dump him , upgrade to a better model.

takealettermsjones · 26/05/2023 22:54
beyonce sorry mv GIF

.

LadyH846 · 26/05/2023 22:55

This is exactly how abusive relationships start. I know because I've been in a couple of them.

PlantDoctor · 26/05/2023 22:56

You deserve someone who makes you feel good. Kick him to the curb!

FinallyHere · 27/05/2023 08:24

Not kind. Not honest.

Get rid and set your bar higher in future. Look out for someone with whom you are really compatible.

If he really loves you for being you, he will love your very imperfections even more that your perfect parts.

That's the crazy that we call love.

Someone who criticises you is just trying to make themselves better at your expense. Not a great friend, never mind life partner.

Enjoy. Your life will get so much better when you tip this one overboard.

Babsexxx · 27/05/2023 08:28

He is a narcissistic bastard I’m afraid he’s trying to destroy your confidence I would get out now.

Shoxfordian · 27/05/2023 08:32

Dump him op; you’ll find someone else who loves you as you are

Thelnebriati · 27/05/2023 09:18

Dump him and start listening to The Female Dating Strategy podcast!

jeaux90 · 27/05/2023 09:23

It's a strategy with abusers. They start by doing things like running your confidence down or isolating you.

Move on. Finish it.

There is a saying....when people show you who they are, believe them.

WhatADrabCarpet · 03/06/2023 17:24

Get rid.

Life's too short for constant criticism.

WateryDoom · 03/06/2023 17:28

Fortunately you aren't stuck with him.

Tell him you don't want to see him anymore. And next time, find someone who is kind. You don't need this idiot.

ThatFraggle · 03/06/2023 17:30

This is called negging.

It is a deliberate strategy to bring down your self-esteem so that you feel lucky to be with him.