Boyfriends ex

[Ariel890s]

Aibu? My boyfriends ex whom he has a daughter with constantly dumps his daughter on anyone! We work full time and arrangements have gone out of the window, I’m upset because we can’t arrange anything at all he doesn’t see a problem because she’s dictated for eleven years and never has any of her three kids the other two are constantly with their grandparents! We live together have done since last year but I’m feeling the strain a bit I know I’m sounding petty but my feelings are we work she doesn’t she’s never there and leaves the daughter unattended most days before and after school to bunk up she says she’s working but she not she’s not a good liar at all always complaining of being skint too I feel for the kids but how is she going to learn if nothings said 😏

This is a your boyfriend problem. She gets away with what he tolerates.

How old is his daughter? If they’ve been apart for 11 years she’s in secondary school and old enough to be on her own for a bit after school.

It was a bit naive to move in with him and expect things to change if that’s what happened. He’s happy with their dynamic, if he thinks she’s neglectful he should have become the resident parent and given his child a more stable upbringing.

You’re not wrong to be annoyed but there’s a lot of this that’s irrelevant eg whether or not she’s working, it’s nothing to do with you. Be annoyed at your boyfriend for choosing to put you out instead of his ex. While he gets away with that he’ll keep doing it.

It sounds like both parents are happy with the arrangement so nothing needs to be said. Find someone without DC.

Your problem is with your partner. Not her. It's his fault your plans get cancelled.

So your bf doesn’t parent his own child and yet it’s all the mother’s fault?

As standard!

Despite the fact the mother is apparently absent/ uncaring/ not working unfortunately your partner chose to have a baby and parent that child with her. If he’s cancelling your plans that’s on him as he could simply say that it’s not in the agreed times if he wanted to stick to the plans with you. I feel for the kid to be honest who probably just wants a bit of stability.

From your perspective it’s frustrating that your partner is choosing apparently to drop you/ your plans but I guess that you knew he had a child going into the relationship and maybe you need to reassess whether that responsibility is something you want to be impacted by? For example, if you had a child together would you then feel he’s prioritising his ex’s demands over your “new” family together? You’ll only end up resenting him for his choices unless you hash it out and share how you feel, chances are he just wants an easy life and would rather keep the peace with the ex for the sake of his daughter stuck in the middle.

Troll post?

He does indeed we have her regular it’s not that he has a daughter that bothers me obviously he’s 50/50 with the parenting it’s just she keeps changing weekends constantly we don’t go out often so when we do I look forward to it so it’s the disappointment then if we don’t, it doesn’t always happen of course

Thank you 😊

Constantly dumps his daughter on anyone? Or asks her dad to look after her and he agrees?

The impact on your life is your boyfriends fault, not hers, it sounds like she has other babysitters if she needs them.

As frustrating as she is, if your partner keeps allowing the agreed weekends/dates to be changed then there is nothing that can be done.