To find it slightly weird when small talk is taken too seriously?

[ShadowPuppets]

Firstly I am almost certainly being unreasonable, I’m also acutely aware of MH issues having had them myself at various points and I’m not looking to bash anything that helps people.

My friend at work (definitely more a colleague friend than a friend colleague but she’s lovely) has recently become a MH first aider in our office and as such has attended MH training. Since then I’ve noticed her deploying her training in chats we have in the office. For example, today she asked if I had any nice plans for the BH and I mentioned we are having MIL (who I love!) to stay and so it would be a lovely weekend but DH & I had a lot of shopping and cleaning to do before lunch tomorrow. I’m 99% sure before the training her response would have been ‘oh god that doesn’t sound fun, make sure (DH) gives you a nice bath with a glass of wine on Monday when she’s gone, ILs right!?’ and that would have been that.

Today her response in v soothing tones was ‘oh gosh that sounds really stressful. Make sure you take some time for you. At the end of the day it’s OK if the house isn’t tidy for MIL, please make sure you’re not too strung out by it all. If you need to chat on Tuesday just let me know’

I know (because she’s lovely!) that it comes from a lovely place but I’m going to be honest, I wasn’t seeking out any MH support! I was just making conversation!

I also went to a drinks event the other week and I was talking to someone else with a toddler and had a bit of an ‘oh these toddlers don’t they drive you mad 😂’ conversation - again this was a networking thing so very small talky- and I then got chapter and verse on how important maternal mental health is and I should really reach out if I’m struggling etc. I probably looked a bit blank because I wasn’t asking for help, I was just making a bit of conversation about how it can be annoying juggling a job and a 3yo who won’t put on shoes!

I’m almost certainly in the wrong and it’s so important that we’re having conversations about MH and signposting and I wouldn’t want to stop that. But I’m literally just passing time of day with people and in their earnestness I feel like I’m being reframed as someone who’s struggling, when I really don’t feel I am! AIBU?

YANBU I feel exactly the same. Mental health is so prevalent at the moment that you can't say anything without it being associated to needing help! Sometimes a little chit chat rant is all it is.

If she's only just had the training, she's still learning where to pitch things. We can all overshoot our target when trying something new, she'll probably end up with a more middle-ground approach eventually.

It's like someone who's just attended management training and comes back full of ideas and over-exuberance but without the experience yet to quite get the balance or delivery right.

If you've had the same sort of thing from two different people though, is it possible your tone is making you sound more serious than you mean to be? Maybe try giving your small talk in the "shit sandwich" way so that people don't get an overall negative vibe from it?

E.g.

"MIL is coming round, she's great! Lots to do to clean the house up first but it'll be so nice to see her."

"Mine is three as well! Such a cute age! She takes a million years to put her shoes on like, but she makes me laugh so much."

Etc etc.

YANBU at all and I say that as a therapist. Problem is too much "awareness" and not enough actual knowledge. A lot of people seem to have forgotten that negative emotions are normal and healthy (in proper context) and that having a quick lighthearted whinge is one of lifes joys. I'm obviously glad people are more aware but there's a line.

@takealettermsjones thats absolutely fair feedback - I’m generally quite an optimistic person these days (I’m a CBT therapy poster girl!) but maybe I should try and reframe my comments a bit. I just feel that so much is being considered as mental health when in fact it’s just day to day life.

I think this is really interesting. I suppose there’s a point about resilience which I know is being levelled at Gen Z - often unfairly - but there’s an element of ‘life isn’t always fun and that’s ok’?

It's like someone who's just attended management training and comes back full of ideas and over-exuberance but without the experience yet to quite get the balance or delivery right.

Ooh gosh this is so true! I was probably the same when I first started managing tbh.