Can I opt DC out of school certificates?

[CertificatesNoMore]

Because they get so many

DC is 8, Y4. Has a physical disability as well as SN.

Things their classmates find easy they struggle with. They literally do not like school, so they’ll get a certificate for staying focused, working hard or sitting still.

But I hate it and feel bad for the others in the class who are probably just as lovely and trying just as hard.

This week alone we’ve had 2 certificates which is 2 mentions in the newsletter (one from the teacher for writing 3 lines on a story and one from the deputy head for trying hard in PE), last week we had 1 for using cutlery at lunchtime instead of fingers, week before that it was for reading a full page of a book without adult support (it had like 6 words on though).

DC’s been Star of the Week 3 times this year as well, they’re in a class of 22 so more chance of getting it plus the headteacher doesn’t mind if more than one child gets it in a class in a specific week (there’s 3 classes per year).

I get that DC needs the motivation, they are reward motivated but surely there’s a better way. I know they struggle with every aspect of school, say they’re not good at it and haven’t found what they’re good at. And I am sympathetic to them and I love them with all my heart and am very proud but also aware that to outsiders it seems unfair that they're constantly in the school newsletter getting rewards and recognition when the others don't?

They’re also too tired due to their physical disability to do clubs outside of school, so school is literally it for them. But is there a better way.

And AIBU?

They either won’t care (my son) who gets what certificate because certificates meant bugger all to him

Or at 8 they are old enough to understand that a child with disabilities has to make more effort than them.

but if you are bothered - no need for a dramatic “opt out”

why not just a chat with his teacher, who’s intentions are good and will listen and no doubt very much take on board what you say

Nobody will begrudge your child getting extra rewards.
There's a boy in dd's class who comes out with stickers and rewards most days, dd says his behaviour is terrible...it's none of my business.
Honestly you sound mean, wanting your own dc to not be recognised for their achievements.

but also aware that to outsiders it seems unfair that they're constantly in the school newsletter getting rewards and recognition when the others don't?

to “outsiders” it will seem a heck of a lot more unfair that your son has physical disabilities and special needs

You have missed out one very key point

does your son like these awards and do they help me and give him confidence?

Maybe ask if they could tone it down a bit? extend the reward time so get a stamp for whatever good thing they do then get a certificate rather than BOOM certificate everytime

If your son gets satisfaction and confidence from the awards - then leave it. Why would you interfere?

if he’s not bothered, but it bothers you, then yes - have a chat with the teacher 🤷‍♀️

@yepgoingforarun Yes and no, they don't like having to stand up in Assembly all the time but they like the certificates themselves.

@Iwrotethissong I am incredibly proud of DC and all they have achieved, but I just feel for the other children who don't get the same recognition. I'd suggest another system that was fairer to everyone if I could think of one.

Why are you so keen to hide your child’s sex? It’s hardly outing to say he or she. Makes it harder to follow your meaning. When you said they get too many certificates I thought you meant the whole class because they is plural.

I really wouldn't worry about what other people think, life is far too short.
If they are good for your dc then don't say anything, if they aren't then do.

So he likes the award

but doesn’t like standing up in assembly (presumably in part because of his physical disability?). That is why I’d be having a very casual chat with the teacher not because i “feel” for the other children.

I would “feel” for my son because pretty soon your son, with a physical disability and SN is going to realise the world isn’t full of awards from adults. And he is going to have a much more trickier time in life than most of those children you feel for.

So FGS let him have this now, because it’s very very short lived

As a sen parent as well, I think is very important to recognise the achievements they do get, especially if they are not meeting the expected standard for their age. It can be very disheartening to see X get a certificate for neat handwriting, Y to get 'maths whizz of the month', Z to get sportsperson of the term when A's handwriting looks like a spider crawled across the page, they don't understand the mathematical concepts without a lot of support and they're so clumsy that they are picked last for PE/regularly drop the ball/fall over, for some examples!

So if it feels like the awards are a bit trite, speak with the class teacher about extending the time between rewards so it becomes an expectation to sit nicely in their seat, to use cutlery appropriately.

These awards are generally used to encourage positive classroom and social behaviour as much as highlight academic success. A 'catch them being good' approach to encouraging pro social behaviour.

If your child also has physical disabilities, the school are teaching their children that some things might be difficult, near impossible for them to achieve. So enjoy the things they can do rather than focusing on what they cannot. All too soon your child is going to become hyper aware of his differences because other people will point out what they cannot do, what they cannot achieve. At least they stand the chance of having some confidence in what they can.

I dont think its your job to worry about the other children on this issue. Its for the teacher who is balancing the whole class needs and their own parents to advocate for them if they are indeed upset by it.

I’d discuss rewards with school to see if they can do something more suited to him, and it may motivate him even further if he has his own rewards scheme. But it’d be wrong and cruel to opt him out of all certificates, other people’s kids aren’t your issue, it’s your job to advocate for your own child not worry about what random other parents thing. Who cares what they think! It’s about getting the best for your child as I’m sure you no. Hopefully school will be receptive to discussing something that matches up more to DCs needs without taking away from
other kids though.

I never get why posters do that either. It really distracts from the actual content.

But I wouldn't worry about what any other parents are thinking, doubt they will mind. If your child is unhappy about it maybe speak to the teacher but otherwise I'd just go with it

It really isn't difficult.

It isn't relevant to the thread so it makes no difference if OP refers to DC, DD or DS.

Indeed. But it reads really awkwardly when the OP insists on writing they instead of he or she. That unnecessary awkwardness just distracts from the actual question. It's silly to do.

I get what you're saying, OP and I'd feel the same way too. I too have dc with disabilities and I like things to be fair whether they're benefitting my dc or not.

I think if yours doesn't like the attention or the standing up to receive but likes the certificates, they can still give certs to your dc in class without making a public spectacle of it. That way, your dc still gets the certificate but most children wouldn't even know unless your dc tells them. Win win.

Not getting certs can be de-motivating to other kids especially if they too are trying hard in other ways but not recognised, and I've never liked the public award system.