To give up actively TTC this month?!

[miniworry]

We've been trying to conceive our second child for the last 3 months with no luck. Our first child was a total surprise so I've never had to do the actively TTC.

But for the last 3 months I've driven myself neurotic with OPK kits, sperm meets egg plan and BBT temping. The heartbreak this morning when my temperature dropped meaning period will be here today has broken me and I know this isn't healthy. I'm convinced because we are doing all this the only reason I'm not falling pregnant is because there's something wrong with me

So should I just forget all these 'extra' bits for this month and just DTD every other day for the whole cycle? I'm worried doing this will mean I miss the opportunity but I don't it's not doing my mental health anymore testing 24/7.

Any advice would be great.

I definitely think taking a break sounds healthy - particularly as the weather gets nicer and you can enjoy a nice glass of wine in the sunshine here and there!

I know how easy it is to get caught up in the TTC process and just wanting it to happen but unless you're massively pressured by age or anything I certainly think a short break won't do any harm and could even help.

Given what you’d describe I think giving a break on the tests, tracking etc might be a good idea. We’re TTC first time, and I’m giving it 6 months without any tests or tracking. For me, knowing that would be the next step is much more reassuring than jumping straight in with tests etc

You will not miss the correct period if you have sex every second day.

Is there any particular reason you’re doing it this way and not just trying to see what happens for the first few months?

Yes l would take a break. I was trying for 4 months and it took over everything to the point that sex became a chore and l felt miserable all the time.

I got pregnant cycle 5 while on holiday, l was busy all the time so much brain was overwhelmed with baby stuff.

Why are you doing all the kits, temping etc? When you start trying to conceive, particularly if you have no reason to think you have fertility issues, you should just be having sex on a regular basis. Honestly, anything up to a year to conceive is to be expected.

I flipping hate ‘just relax’ as a philosophy (not that anyone has said it here!) But it took 11 months for me with DD and then fell pregnant with DS entirely by surprise (ovulated on something mad like day 9) when she was 11 months old. Honestly sometimes there really is no rhyme or reason to it. So yes - I’d be inclined to go old school: step away from the tracking and temping, have sex every other day and only take a test if you’re 2 days late.

None of the things you're doing will actually change the process of sufficient sperm reaching the egg, breaking down the surface and fertilising.

Sex every other day throughout is fine. It's like the lottery, you have to be in it to win it, and joining a syndicate doesn't really substantially up the odds.

My 18 week bump came about from a month where we were both ill, and had sex once at the "wrong" time. I have no idea what my temperature was. I usually symptom-spotted in the run up to my period, but I was super stressed so didn't notice until I was almost a week late.

There is some utility in tests for various reasons (establishing if you even do have an ovulation peak, for example), but if all you're using them for is to fine tune your attempts, then they're really not doing much for you, except creating a mound of single use plastic that will outlive the baby you're trying to conceive.

Realistically 3 months is not that long at all.
it took me 16 and then 13 months, and around a year is considered “normal”.

I know the whole “relax and it will happen” advice is really annoying - it used to drive me up the wall - but honestly if you keep on hyper analysing everything you will make yourself miserable if it does take a bit longer.

good luck.

I think the only real reason that I have been doing all the tests is that I thought I'd be able to catch that golden window between my LH surge and my BBT rise and then it would mean I would be pregnant just like that because that's all there was to it.

But it isn't just like (obviously know that now) that despite having DTD for the 5 days in a row the sperm meets egg plan suggests and I'm now spending my entire month either counting down to ovulation or counting up the TWW.

I'm dying for a glass of wine or gin (after giving this and caffeine up as I heard that may help)!

Try it “normally” for a few months. Have that wine/gin and coffee. Do what you would normally do before pregnancy and stop tracking everything.

There’s no point in stressing yourself out when you don’t need to

Do you know what EWCM looks like? Just wait til you see that and then have sex every day for 3-4 days or whenever it stops. Worked for me 7 times first month trying (sadly I had recurrent miscarriage but also have 2 healthy kids).

Yes I do get that every month! Although it appears to be a good 2 days before my 'LH surge'

DD1 was also a surprise, tried for a year for DD2. Conceived the month we stopped trying, outside what should have been my fertile window!

The moment I stopped tracking temps/ using the fertility kits etc was the month I gell
pregnant.

just don’t think about it, drop the products and give it a good 12 months. It’ll happen

I was like this with DC2 after falling pregnant first month with DC1. It took 11 months and I almost drove myself mad!

DC3 was conceived accidentally after only having sex once that month at a time I thought was nowhere near ovulation.

So from my experience it’s more luck than method!

Right I think you've convinced me, when AF arrives today/tomorrow I'm going to have large glass of vino and hide the LH sticks and thermometer!

Would you still recommend trying to DTD every other day?

I understand the frustration but obsessing over it only makes it worse.

I conceived DS the first month. Didn’t get the chance to obsess 😂

DD took 12 months. I remember being distraught every month, staring at and editing photos of clearly negative pregnancy tests. I couldn’t understand because we had done everything ‘right‘, used OPKs etc.

Made an appointment with gynaecologist to investigate. Started yet another period. It was lighter than normal. Went to my appointment and I was actually 5 weeks pregnant.

You have a long way to go before you need to worry or use methods to help you conceive. Enjoy a glass of wine, enjoy your DH and make a plan to revisit the OPKs if nothing happens in the next 6 months.

For me the EOD thing depends on your stamina and how regular your cycles are. If you have a regular cycle and ovulate around day 14 there’s not much point having sex until day 7. But if you go 9/11/13/15 that should be enough. And no need to have sex after that as you’ll have missed the fertile window.

But if you aren’t sure when you ovulate then it’s worth keeping it up just in case - a friend ovulated on day 20 so was missing her FW for months. The EWCM is a really good guide though.

Sounds to me like you'd benefit from a 'fuck it and see' (😁) approach instead of this 'hyper aware multi data point monitoring' approach which doesn't sound any fun at all anyway!!

I don't see the point in all that complication unless conceiving is a struggle and you're trying to tilt your odds any way you can.

My first was a one and done conception.
Second took 7 months, I just jumped his bones when ewcm came along.
Three months is nothing, even up to a year is completely normal.

3 months isn't very long to try to conceive. I think yes try to ease the pressure off it and hopefully it'll happen. With my first it took us 5 months, and the month we conceived I'd written it off as we'd both felt so poorly we only DTD once.
For my 2nd I had been using natural cycles as contraception for a while so i was in the habit of tracking temp and opk already and then we decided to switch to not worrying about it as we wouldn't mind a second and it happened on second month.

Quick point - why do you WANT to skip the fun part!

Trust me, it's the good bit before the yakky, sticky bit. All the friends I know who fell pregnant very quickly were distraught, not happy. They had mentally counted on it taking time, and we're a bit shell-shocked to be pregnant immediately.

That happened to me so I stopped Ttc as such and we dtd every 2-3 days of the next cycle and I got my bfp!!
my cycle was long and unpredictable at the time though

Ah, we always want what we can’t have. I agonised about not falling pregnant for nearly a year. Then 20 months later I was agonising about an unexpected pregnancy that I really wasn’t ready for. I imagine agonising would have been part of the agenda of both had arrived precisely 84 days after deciding to start trying! I would say if you’ve got this personality type then it’s to be expected; the decision to have a child is huge and any huge decision comes with a certain amount of stress - just look at housebuying or marriage - but we just have to do our best to minimise it, because ultimately it’s a colossal waste of mental energy and changes nothing.

Thanks ladies! I needed this reality check!