9 Year Old Moaning

[AllSheDoesIsMoan]

All she does it whinge. About every single thing. She will find a negative in everything.

Bit of background. Lots of friends at school. No special needs. She's thriving at school. She has a lovely home. I am a single Mother, her dad isn't around and hasn't been since a few weeks old. This hasn't affected her as she has friends who don't have a Dad and she's had a very happy upbringing by me and my family. I have a lot of support. She's a very happy child normally.

Is this normal to be so moany? I have noticed some changes in her so think she's definitely starting puberty and getting hormonal.

Does anyone have any strategies please? Thank you.

It can be about anything. Like everything. Always a negative. About what we do, where we are, how we are getting somewhere, where we go to eat, even if she chose it herself.

OP I literally just started typing an almost identical post about my 12 year old. Non stop whinging about everything. Always seeing the negative.
I am bringing him to an optician appointment today and this morning was constant complaints about the time it was on at, what he was missing in school, the fact he would have to sit in the car for 30 mins afterwards as I have an important work meeting, etc. I got so cross with him that I let him walk to school himself as I couldnt bear to be around him any longer - and of course now I feel terrible.

I do think with him it may be the start of puberty. He is tiny for his age and looks like an 8 year old but I have definitely noticed a more defiant streak in him lately.

I have no advice but will watch the replies with interest.

I have a 13 and 15 year old and they were not like this.

I know this is going to sound strange but does she feel listened to? Kids complain more when they don’t feel heard. Maybe next time she moans about something you could just say sympathetically “oh, you really don’t like X,” (school lunch etc etc whatever it is) and nothing else.

If I moaned to DH that, for example, I didn’t like lunch and his answer was “stop complaining about everything! Lunch is fine!” I’d probably double down. But if he said, “yeah you didn’t like that lunch”, then I’d probably stop. And I’d like him better!

If nothing else, it might improve her relationship with you because she’ll know you’re listening!

But yeah - I think they do get a hormone surge around age 9.

I think it can become a habit. I have tried explaining to my DC that it is very hard for me to constantly listen to whinging and part of life is learning to accept some discomfort and being aware of those around you and how they feel. And I encourage him to stop complaining and start looking for solutions, or I ask him what he can do instead of complaining.

It's exhausting to listen to though. But maybe try and explain how it is hard for you to always hear complaints, and you can talk about solutions but then it has to stop.

Just remembered another trick I use which is to ask him what he would like - and then we talk about that for a bit and imagine it and sometimes that shifts him a little out of whinge mode.

Thank you so much for all your replies, I have read all of them and have taken everything on board. I will definitely try the suggestions, it's half term end of today for a week so I'll get back to you how it goes!