Children's parties!

[LookingforMaryPoppins]

DD wrote a list of who she would like to invite, included "friends" who I know have recently had reasonable sized parties and not invited DD (and didn't invite her last year either). Whilst my head tells me it's her party, she should invite who she wants and not to get involved, one child in particular apparantly told my DD that she wanted to invite her but couldn't as there were not enough places - I know she had a party at home so no limit on numbers. My heart is saying that she shouldn't waste her invites on "friends" that clearly are not friends.

AIBU to encourage her to exclude those that exclude her?

I think the reality is that often friendships change at primary and when it’s one child’s birthday, they could be really close but not half a year later when it’s the next child’s birthday.

I also think it can sting more and for longer for the parents than the child who has missed out on an invite. I would let her invite who she wanted. I hope she has a fun party.

Let your child invite who she wants.

I do find it useful to write out the initial list and then review it a week later - then you catch the "fell out with best friend that day so they didn't make the list, but were reconciled very quickly" type scenarios.

Please don't prioritise people just because they invited DD to their party. That discriminates against the ones who couldn't/didn't have a party for whatever reason. And why should a child whose parents could afford the big party get more invites as a result?

Having a party at home doesn't mean there no limits on numbers

They way I have worked it is that if there is no limit on attendees the kids can invite who they like regardless of whether they have been invited to their parties or not. However if there are limits for a particular party I will strongly suggest to the child that they do prioritise children who they are good friends with and have been or will be invited to their parties on the grounds that it is only fair to invite those children that have invited you to their parties otherwise they may feel left out.

It has not yet started party wars or caused any ill feeling.

I don't think it's immature to be conflicted over this. I feel the same about it because I don't want to see my kids overinvested in friendships that aren't reciprocated. That's just being a loving parent 🤷‍♀️

However, each year I come to the conclusion that the kids should just invite who they want (pretty much - I really do try and discourage the ones I know are unkind to them on a regular basis). There's no way of knowing why your child wasn't invited to another child's party. It's possible that the decision was taken out of their hands. Or that they weren't playing with your child so much at the time their party came around. Friendships change so much at primary school.

I also make sure that invites are reciprocated

So, by applying this logic, the folk with September birthdays get to dictate who gets invited to parties ?
You are saying that if my September born dc has invited your to their party, you will make sure they get an invitation to your dc's party, possibly to the exclusion of a friend who might have a July / August birthday because you are keeping count of where your dc has been ?

Of course YABU.
It is your dc's birthday. You let them know how many they can invite, and they choose who those people are.