Giving up breastfeeding at only 4 weeks - struggling, am I being weak?

[Essexgal2023]

Am I being selfish here or should I persevere? Has anyone gone through something similar. I feel like I am BU but I am stuck in 2 minds.

My 4 week old baby had feeding problems when born and due to hospital having to stretch his stomach to keep him alive basically due to falling sugar levels and infection in the early days our breastfeeding journey didn’t start until he was a week old and he’s now taking 6oz bottles of expressed breast milk (enough for a 2-3 month old baby if you go off of guidelines which are obviously just a guide)

My supply is low and I’ve tried increasing methods but he’s constantly wanting more and more, breastfeeding isn’t enough so I’m having to supplement with expressed milk and formula and it’s driving me insane and exhausting.

Did anyone go through this?

I know breast is best but I feel like right now fed is better as he needs it

I had low supply and latch issues with my first, and mix fed all my babies - I would mix feed with the goal of exclusive feeding if that's what you want. Good luck

(I fed mine for 18 months and 2 years respectively, FWIW)

You are absolutely not being weak. Sure, breast is best for baby (at least that's what they say) but it's definitely not always best for mum and baby. And if it's not good for mum, it's not good for baby.

I went to a lactation consultant at one point and her first question to me was: who wants you to breastfeed? Is it you, or is there someone else who's keen for you to do it? Partner, parent, someone else?

But this anonymous internet stranger is here to tell you that you're not being weak, selfish, or anything else if you choose to stop breastfeeding. Whatever the reason.

Fed is best 💮

Do whatever is right for you and your baby. You're not selfish, you've been through a trying time!
Fed is best and happy mum, happy baby.

Nothing about what you're doing or what you choose to do in future is "weak". You're putting your all into doing everything you can for your baby.

I've been in similar situations with both my babies. The problem is at the moment you are doing all the feeding methods! Directly breastfeeding, expressing around that and using formula too. It's so much extra work. My advice would be to keep on directly breastfeeding but don't put pressure on yourself to express as well. If you can, great, but if you need rest/sleep then you need rest/sleep too and that's as important as anything else. In fact, getting some decent rest can only help with milk production, imo. Use formula if you need to do additional feeds and you don't currently have any/enough expressed milk.

No you are not being weak. I planned to bf all through my pregnancy. I read the books, I went to groups, I was fully prepared to experience some difficulties but I was resolved to do it. I didn't even last two days. It honestly wasn't worth the stress for me. It prevented me bonding and enjoying my baby. It took me away from my other dc. As soon as I made the decision to stop I felt relieved immediately and my baby was happier too.

I did pump for a few more weeks but eventually that got too much too. Don't beat yourself up over this. Just do what makes you happy.

Combi fed due to low supply with formula and expressed milk. Still breastfeeding at 2.5 years.

Its tough. Very tough. But possible. I think when you get into a rhythm its not so bad. I found about 8 weeks in it settled and i got more used to it. There were days i'd struggle (there still is) but i'm a stubbon fool. So quitting was never an option to me. I never allowed it to be.

Breastmilk is superior to formula. You can't dispute that. However breast is not always best for mother and in turn then not always best for child. A happy healthy mummy is best for child. Only you can decide what's best for you.

I was in the same situation - thinking that my milk supply was not enough, thinking to give up. Then a friend who’d breastfed her babies said, this is totally normal. If your baby wants to feed almost constantly and seems unsatisfied, it is nature’s way of increasing your milk supply to match your growing baby’s demands. They will settle down to a less frequent feeding pattern if you keep going, and the milk supply will increase.

Whatever you end up doing to feed your baby, you’re doing fine, so please don’t be harsh on yourself.

They feed a lot to build up your supply, so it's not necessarily that you don't produce enough milk. Also expressing produces less milk than direct feeding as babies are very efficient. Having said that, I think babies should just be fed and it doesn't matter how. 😊

Gosh it sounds like it was an incredibly anxious time just after your little one was born. What matters is that he is here and he is healthy 💛

You need to do what's best for you and your baby. Don't put more pressure on yourself than there already is with having a newborn baby. As long as the baby is fed, that's all that matters.

If I were in your shoes, I'd try to continue with breastfeeding and would do top-up feeds with formula. Especially if he's latching on ok and this isn't hurting you. Forget about expressing for now as this can be so time consuming, especially if supply is low.

If after a few more feeds you still feel breast feeding isn't for you and your baby, then formula it is 👏🏼 and that is absolutely fine too. As long as he is fed!

I thought I'd love it - I hated it. He wouldn't latch on, it was so painful when he did. He had to have an operation at 5 weeks which took the decision out of my hands - was in hospital for 5 days nil to mouth - and I didn't go back to it. Happiest moment of early days was feeding him the first bottle, him looking up at me and thinking, fuck everyone else - this works for us

Do whatever allows you to relax and bond with your baby.

As long as little one is fed, that's all that matters.

Honestly, a happy mum is the most important thing for your baby right now. Take the pressure off yourself. You are not being weak.

I gave up after 5 days. 98th centile baby is now a 98th centile 8 year old and you'd never know how he'd been fed. Don't feel guilty, enjoy your baby.

I would never say that someone is being weak by not breastfeeding anymore.

A few points though. Supply issues as side you are so close to the age where breastfeeding gets easier, when baby’s mouth gets bigger and your body generally gets much more used to it all.

It’s also completely normal for a breastfed baby of that age to want to feed pretty much all the time.

It might be worth trying for another 2 weeks and seeing if there is any improvement.

Equally, combi feeding for just being done with breastfeeding all together is also completely valid

I nearly gave up on many occasions in the first weeks, but ultimately did some combi feeding for a bit and then exclusively breastfed until he was 2.5yo.
Currently breastfeeding 9mo.

Nutrition aside, after the first horrible weeks breastfeeding becomes very easy and convenient. I can’t imagine not having breastfeeding as a tool to get baby to sleep quickly or comfort them when they are in pain (teething etc), or being ill and refusing any food or water (but bf-ing a lot).

It’s awful for a little bit, but it pays off later on.

Sounds like cluster feeding if baby is always wanting more. It's a normal phase but my word it is TOUGH. Nearly broke me. You are not weak, you are not selfish. Do what's best for you, baby is fed either way (& honestly, if you looked around at all the adults you know, could you tell who was breastfed & who was formula fed? Nope). I'd probably do a mix of breastfeeding with top ups of formula, but if you decide just formula is best for you 100% do it. There's so much more to being a good mum than breastfeeding, and if using formula leaves you less tired and gives you more energy you're going to enjoy it more and be a better mum for your baby.

Not weak! I BF my 1st child for 8 months. He never had a bottle l, (with advice from my HV he went straight on ful fat cows milk - this was 23 years ago!)But my 2nd I only managed about 3 weeks. I just couldn't continue due to various reasons. I felt awful at the time, but baby being fed and contented is the most important thing, regardless of how you do it..

Have you tried feeding lying down? I gave up after 2 weeks with dc1 then the gp suggested this, and - thank goodness - I found it much easier and went on to bf all my dc. Lansinoh cream helps with the soreness too.

Do exactly what you feel like. I bottle fed. My kids are perfect.

The best thing for your baby is that they are fed. That’s the only thing!
Fed in any possible way with a mummy who is able to look after them and love them and be there for them.
It matters not if that feed comes from the breast or from formula.
You do what is best for you- and only you know what that is- do not be bothered by what anyone else says!
it’s your personal opinion (other people’s don’t matter) so chose the thing that makes you the best mother.
if some people feel they are the best mother by breast feeding, expressing, formula feeding or a whole mixture, it doesn’t matter.

All that matters is that you are happy and content and your child is fed, happy and content.

I had too many people trying to tell me what to do when I had a premie and was trying to breast feed, express and formula feed and it drove me mad. I couldn’t cope with the contrasting advice from grandparents, midwife’s, nurses (who both disagreed with each other! Doctors and my husband)

Do what you want to- fuck everyone else- if your baby is fed- they are happy and cared for. End of!

And when they are above the age of 2- no one gives a shit anymore! And no one asks!

Similar here - dd1 had sepsis so was tube fed in hospital and even when out of NICU kept losing weight. I struggled on with a combination of bf and ff but found that she'd cry on the breast but toon the bottle much more happily and I also liked knowing how much she'd taken. I kept my supply up by expressing but bloody hell it was exhausting. There was never a break.

Dd went back into hospital at a month old and whilst in with her my supply dwindled aa I couldn't express as easily. I struggled on for a few weeks after that but when her dad suggested I stopped I actually listened to him. It was such a relief tbh but I still felt like I had to justify why I was ff whenever someone asked me, such a load of guilt piled on mothers over this

Please make the best decision for you and bsby and no one else. Sounds like you've been through a stressful enough time as it is. All he cares about is getting fed at the end of the day, not how it happens.

Nothing even slightly selfish about formula feeding. Breast is most definitely not always best.

Definitely not weak! I never managed to get my supply up enough despite nearly going loopy constantly feeding and pumping - I wasn’t sleeping and the drs had to tell me to combi feed. I wasn’t helping my baby by hanging on to a desperate notion I had that breast feeding is the only thing good for them - fed is best!
Second baby I combi fed from the beginning and we were all much happier. My kids are now super healthy school kids, there is no way anyone would guess which kids were exclusively breast fed now and it’s not something anyone talks about.

Fed is best, forget all the breast is best stuff. I was doing exactly the same as you are with DS1 as he lost too much birth weight and my supply was low so I was breast feeding, expressing and topping up with formula, it was exhausting. I then got an infection when he was about 3 weeks and I just felt awful physically so gave up breastfeeding after a month. I really struggled with giving up but felt such relief once I’d made the decision. DS1 is a strapping toddler now.

DS2 is currently three weeks and we’re in the exact same position. Too much birth weight lost again and low supply so I’m breast feeding, expressing and topping up once more. It is relentless. My supply is picking up a bit but I’m taking it day by day and I know that if I’m really struggling there’s nothing wrong with stopping breastfeeding. FF is totally fine. You need to look after yourself before you can look after anyone else so be kind to yourself.