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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be struggling this much back at work after baby?

8 replies

morebubblesss · 25/05/2023 12:40

I’m a FTM and before I had my baby I was very confident in my stressful job. It’s very demanding and takes a lot of juggling day to day and lots of thought/problem solving.

Ive been back at work a few weeks and I’m just not enjoying it at all and finding it much harder than I thought I would.

I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing, and struggling to actually do the job, I feel new, and the person who used to work there feels like my former self now. I feel annoying asking so many questions, and just want to cry. I feel overwhelmed.

I’m really missing my baby and wish I didn’t have to work full time. My DH and I have no choice but to work full time.

I just don’t want to do it. I want something easy but can’t afford the pay drop now to do something else. I also feel like I can’t leave because they’re good with flexible working and other benefits so feel trapped there because I don’t think I’d have the same benefits elsewhere and I’m having a low confidence feeling in general. Just feeling really down since I’ve gone back.

is it just me or is this a normal feeling of going back to work after a year off?

OP posts:
Original poster
morebubblesss · 25/05/2023 21:59

Anyone? :(

OP posts:
bluejelly · 25/05/2023 22:03

So sorry to hear. It is hard, especially full time. Can you take annual leave every Friday for a month or two so you are at least doing a four day week?

PrimrosesandPears · 25/05/2023 22:07

I think it’s pretty normal yes. Certainly I found the adjustment very hard (both times, as I now have two children). In all honestly I still don’t think I’m as good at my job as I was pre-children, partly because I can’t stay to get the last few bits done if it means being late for nursery pick up. But it does get a lot easier over time, you get caught up with work and when children are more settled in childcare that helps a lot too.

WarriorN · 25/05/2023 22:08

I think it is really hard indeed. The areas of our brains storing all that work info have taken on a load of new info (being a mum) which is a full time job in itself. I also think age 1 / 1.5 is when it gets busier at home too. Weaning, babies on the move etc.

You may be getting a little separation anxiety too.

Go easy on yourself and keep everything as easy and predictable as you can at home. Two week rolling meal plan etc.

Get an MOT from the Gp - just incase you're a bit low on iron or vit d or thyroid etc. when my thyroid is low I struggle with executive function.

It does start to gone back, like muscle memory. I found It as hard being part time to be honest. Found it harder to remember some things when I wasn't there for 4 days.

Flowers
Bigcheesey · 25/05/2023 22:10

I think I’d be more surprised if you didn’t feel this way!

Having been in the same situation as you (even down to the problem solving element) I totally get you. But just believe me when I say you will eventually settle back into a routine and it won’t feel so horrible. It just takes time. Don’t be hard on yourself - the fact that you are working and keeping everything going deserves a pat on the back!

I know it sucks and can at times just feel like you are just constantly on an ever speed increasing hamster wheel. But when I was you I just focused on turning up, doing my job and going home and trying to leave these worries at work. I have now moved into flexi hours which has allowed me to compress my week and has made such a difference to me.

You’ve got this! 💪

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/05/2023 22:12

Yep it’s so hard to leave your baby- you will find a new normal but it’s hard. Have you explored all options re: part time working, condensed hours?

Gamechanger2019 · 25/05/2023 22:13

I’ve gone back myself recently after a year off and I feel similar. I’d love not to work but sadly have to. Could you do compressed hours and take a day off in the week? I have a Friday off and it really makes difference for me to have that Friday off. I’ve been back nearly 7 weeks and it does keep getting easier.

usermumnurse · 25/05/2023 22:38

morebubblesss · 25/05/2023 12:40

I’m a FTM and before I had my baby I was very confident in my stressful job. It’s very demanding and takes a lot of juggling day to day and lots of thought/problem solving.

Ive been back at work a few weeks and I’m just not enjoying it at all and finding it much harder than I thought I would.

I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing, and struggling to actually do the job, I feel new, and the person who used to work there feels like my former self now. I feel annoying asking so many questions, and just want to cry. I feel overwhelmed.

I’m really missing my baby and wish I didn’t have to work full time. My DH and I have no choice but to work full time.

I just don’t want to do it. I want something easy but can’t afford the pay drop now to do something else. I also feel like I can’t leave because they’re good with flexible working and other benefits so feel trapped there because I don’t think I’d have the same benefits elsewhere and I’m having a low confidence feeling in general. Just feeling really down since I’ve gone back.

is it just me or is this a normal feeling of going back to work after a year off?

I felt this way too - went back in January of this year - 4 months in - of course it's still tough and I hate leaving my baby but for me it was finding a new routine and really making the most of precious time with baby when I'm not working

Do you get any time to yourself at all - I find having some me time works wonders too - you can't do it all - speak to your partner as well and work out a plan

Good luck xx

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