to be overwhelmed by mil

[anon397]

Sorry for the long post a bit of background my mil normally visits once a week sometime twice and spends the entire day (she lives about 45 min from me). This week my bils are away they live at home with her & fil. Fil is taking a few days of work while bils are away She is insisting on coming down Friday & Saturday with my nephew. Saturday we have a christening ive told her this but she refuses to believe nobody will be home. Friday im working ( I child mind from home so ill have a 6 week old, toddler and my own 10 month old) plus 2 school runs for my older kids. Ive told her shes welcome to call after but she says this is to late (around 4.30/5). I would let her call during the day but shes the type to sit there expect to waited on and offer no help. Dh wont stand up for me and wont be here as he works weekends. She will end up just calling anyway as she has in the past. Im really just debating locking the doors or going to my mums with the children. How do I nip this in the bud?

You get your 'D'H to tell her no, you tell her no, if she still persists then do exactly what you said - lock the doors and go to your mums or just ignore the door. Make you tell anyone who was coming with her that you aren't available too

Tell her - directly - "MIL you can't come this weekend as I am working Friday and we are out Sunday". If you think she'l show up do as you say and go out. YOu've got to stand firm or she will never leave you alone.

‘We won’t be here’ then lock the doors and ignore. Some people have to learn the hard way.

Go out. She will stop when there is consistently no one there.

Lock the door and shut the blinds... Amd don't answer the phone..

Surely anyone that is spending the day while you are childminding needs to be DBS checked? different if someone is popping in for 30 min but if she is there the whole day you wont be able to ensure she is never on her own with somebodys child????

Saturday - make sure you are already left for the christening before she arrives - she will have wasted her own time and petrol

Were in a different country. The law here is the childminder has to be checked but not family members unless they are acctualy caring for the child/children.

Don’t say things like she’s welcome later, because she isn’t really, and it opens the door to her debating with you. Just say no, we won’t be home. Then take the kids you’re minding out somewhere. Or lock the door and take them to the back of the house/garden. Ignore even the most determined of doorbell ringing: it’s MIL’s lookout if she shows up when you’ve said no.

Go out or ignore her. It sounds like she’s trying to use you to help care for/entertain DN.

Oh and your DH sounds hopeless. How would he feel if she turned up at his work like this?

Can you say that the families you are childminding for are very fussy and will not like a stranger in the house. It doesn't matter what the regulations say but matters what the families want and what you are comfortable with.
A six week old takes a lot of care and surely she can see that.

Dear Mil.
Sorry but this is not a convenient weekend to visit.
I will be working as a childminder on Friday doing school drop-offs and pick ups.
I will not have time to entertain or cook for you and DN.
We will be out most of the day on Sunday so that is also not convenient.

Dear DH. I am sending this message to MIL and I expect you to back me up.

And let them both kick off if they have to but stick to your guns. Don't argue. Just repeat. I am working on Friday and we are out on Sunday so the visit does not work for me and I am asking you not to.