Mil stressing us out

[canyoudance]

When mil disagrees with your life choices.

We're making decisions re career that will improve life for everyone but mil disagrees. She's done nothing since we announced it but be rude, standoffish and judgemental.

It's really stressing me out. The change is stressful enough.

What should we do?

I agree with other posters in that there is not enough information about this situation so it’s impossible to tell you what to do . No one can possibly give you any rationale advise . Just baseless opinions.Maybe she has a point, maybe she doesn’t .

Surely there’s plenty - the second post says she’s leaving a stressful job situation. So OP is either taking a lower paid job or going to be a SAHM. MiL is perhaps concerned about their finances - but it is none of her business.

Why are you being so cagey @canyoudance? Going back to work/quitting work/moving jobs or whatever it is, is hardly going to out you. Maybe what you're seeing as nitpicking that is upsetting you are legitimate concerns? Maybe they aren't - but how would we know?

I assume you are quitting work to be a SAHM if you are leaving a job you hate. Is she worried about her son carrying all the financial load? I can't think why she thinks the children will suffer but regardless if it doesn't affect her and your husband is fine with the change of circumstances you don't need her to be supportive.

I could have written this. Dh and I are both in agreement the change is best and we have been clear it is happening regardless of what mil says. Sometimes you just have to be clear and then stop engaging.

Some older people, not all, seem to believe that people shouldn’t change jobs because it used to be a job for life. Both you’d never be sacked and you work for X company until you retire.

This might be your MIL’s view point. Just ignore, or change the subject every time she brings it up.

I'll never be good enough. I'm given a tiny slither of a chance. Compared to everyone else.

Not quitting to become sahm. Retraining, will be financially worse off for less than a year then we'll be better off.

I think they've found the pandemic quite difficult (like everyone 🙄) and are clutching.

Assume you work in the nhs and are quitting. That drives old people nuts.

And now you know never to share any details of your lives from now on.

Step back op. And REALLY put you first...

"
@Maebh9 "Assume you work in the nhs and are quitting. That drives old people nuts."

You know she's old because.....?

We're making decisions re career that will improve life for everyone but mil disagrees.

Well, so what, though? You don't need her approval. If she wants to be standoffish and judgemental, ignore her and let her get on with it.

Because she's the mother of an adult woman who herself is old enough to be fed up of her job?

Take no notice and do whats best for you OP. Easy peasy!

See as little as possible of her and going forward tell her absolutely nothing.

Tell your husband that you don't want her knowing any of your business.

I don't get the over sharing.

It's not always that easy to know. I have an adult child with a child of their own. Adult child is pushing 30 and already has one significant career switch under their belt. I'm 48 which puts my 'prime' in the 90s and 00s.

@Maebh9
"Because she's the mother of an adult woman who herself is old enough to be fed up of her job?"

So-anything from 45ish on......

Some people like the status quo and their first thought on anyone close changing something is "but what about me?!"

For example she may be planning to rely on your for financial or other help and now cant because you will be poorer than you were before. Or even just was happy know that when you earned more you were there as a safety net. Or that you changing careers will mean you need more from her, or she will the kids less.

Some people are just very self centred and dont care about whats best for others, just whats best for them.

Ignore her. If she brings it up just say "Oh not this again! I already told you that the decision is made and wont be changing. Anyone want another cup of tea?"

@PyongyangKipperbang I think you're right. She went straight for the jugular insinuating that I needed to think of my kids, that I needed to get over myself basically and questions why I was so unhappy with everything I had. She also told me not to have anymore children(!). I'm in my late 30s. The audacity.