To panic about new job - not term time

[Passwordsarestressful]

Not new here, the username gives a clue to why this is my 'first' post.

I have had a horrible work situation for a year, stupidly took a promotion, knowing the team was in chaos, lots of people leaving/sick with stress, therefore gaps all over the place, including the management team. As a result I was never given any training, support was sporadic and unhelpful and I had a direct line manager for a total of 8 weeks, but as she was new, the left, I might as well say none at all for a year.

I was signed off with work related stress (severe physical symptoms) which is unheard of for me, 5 weeks ago. In the midst of feeling awful, I have applied for and got, a new job. Very different, much more positive environment (currently I deal with attendance issues in school for the LA, including prosecuting parents). I am bricking it a bit, but I can do the new job. Slightly worried that they will rescind the offer on the basis of my sick absence due to stress, but trying not to panic about that.

Old job was 37 hours per week, but term time only. New job is 30 hours per week, all year round, standard holiday. I have only ever done term time since having DC, but they are 11 and 13 now.

I will be doing 9-3.30 but can condense my hours a bit on the holidays. I have some leave, but obvs need it throughout the year. I will also have to do evenings and weekends occasionally as it's a Comms role. DH works from home 2-3 days a week but is in meetings most of the timez so not available.

I am stressing out hugely that save for the week holiday we have booked, that they are going to spend all summer festering on screens. I broached the idea of summer camp for a week this morning, DH is on board, DC are luke warm. They have both only recently started hanging out with mates more.

I am normally more chilled, but the last year has destroyed my confidence and general rationality.

Any words of wisdom much appreciated.

It will be completely fine. The 13 year old will be too old for summer camp and the 11 year old will follow shortly.

Your hours are great and even in the holidays you can be around for the dc.

They'll be too old for summer camp. Most kids that I know stopped going but then when they leave primary.

I found The years between 11 and 13 a bit tricky childcare wise, but DD soon found a groove that suited her.

She slept in, had some screen time. Did some chores, caught up with friends and then I came in from work around 3pm and we went up pics, dentist, did a hobby together, etc

She's now 15 and she'd be horrified if I tried to give her a schedule over the hols.

This new role sounds a great opportunity for you. Grab it with both hands.

Thank you. It's the unknown I think. I was already beginning to think that it was going to be a struggle day in day out, other than going somewhere to walk the dog, it isn't like when they are small and there are loads of activities.
DD13 would actually like summer camp and the posh ones her go up to 14. But she is quite happy pootling, crafting, baking etc.
DS11 is a total screen addict, but is fine if given structure. It's him I'm worrying about most I suppose.

I moved a year ago from a full term time job to full time all year job. My DS is just about turning 13. I felt I did it a year too soon but we have muddled through.
I work from home one week of the holidays and take leave for the second (we have 4 terms in NZ).

You will probably find that other parents have the same issues - working from home is now right normal.

We are not allowed to leave children at home alone here until they are 14, so that's a juggle
It is doable. You just need to adjust. The kids will be fine.

@Gazelda thank you. Yes, I think that's what I expect. It is reassuring to hear.
I'm trying to remind myself that he new role is much less likely to totally zap me like the current job does. Despite working fewer weeks, I'm usually on my knees on the approach to every holiday anyway.

Dc will be fine. They will soon adjust to choosing activities or making arrangements with friends. Is there any scope to work extra hours in term-time and less in holidays so average 30 pw annually.

No, I did ask. It's 30 hours weekly, as it's important for consistency of social media presence etc. But, it will be some evenings and weekends, which is good, because that time can be taken back in the week.

They do need to be allowed more independence, and I guess now is as good a time as any, DS is leaving primary school. It's the fear of the unknown I guess.
I'm trying to tell myself that we will make the most of the time we have, appreciate it more I guess.
I'm in the lucky position that they still like me and being with me apparently I'm actually quite fun (don't feel it, but there you go), but that makes it a bit harder.

At 11 my DC didn’t want to go to local summer clubs and by 12 they point blank refused to go anyway. I did book them both into a couple of residential holidays around that age, which they really enjoyed and broke up the school holiday a bit. Your DH is around a fair bit during the week, even if he’s busy with zoom meetings he’ll be there in case of problems. Maybe he can do a few extra days at home during the summer or adjust his hours temporarily and between you you can take days off here and there. Don’t not worry about it, you’ll be fine.

Lot, ‘don’t not worry’ about it is a typo and double negative means the opposite of that I meant to say!

My DH and I used to book some annual leave separately, and also sometimes just book a couple of days a week off.
It meant that the DC didn’t languish endlessly on screens, and could look forward to a few trips to places like theme park/ city/ beach etc.

They will be fine. They were very fortunate to have you with them all holidays previously- most kids won’t have had that experience! They are certainly old enough to understand you having to work, and they have their own part to play to enable that; which is being reasonably responsible. And with your DH being around and you finishing at 3:30, the 11yo will hardly have the time to fester on screens anyway! Not as if you both work 8-5:30 with a great long commute.

Any chance you could work 8-2 30 in the holidays? That would give you most of an afternoon with the kids.
Also, if you and DH each take a wednesdsy off in the holidays, that is 6 days leave each, but breaks up the 5 days solid of being home on screens.
Or even just a wed afternoon - apparently teens sleep til lunchtime, but I'm still waiting (at 14 and 12, they choose to get up and have breakfast at 7am with me if I'm working and they aren't at school).

It will be fine - but is one of the reasons I'm in a TTO job.

YABU This is such a non problem. Some of us have had to work full time from when mat leave ended and haven’t had the luxury of ‘term time’ working. You manage. Your kids are 11 and 13 FFS

It will be fine and by the time summer time comes, you may be able to compress your hours for a few weeks, but the age they are at means they are naturally heading towards not needing a parent around all the time anyway.

Standard holiday clubs would probably be a bit much at their ages but we have an outdoor pursuits centre near us that run holiday clubs up to age 15. If either of your kids are sporty it would be worth looking to see if you have anything similar for the odd day here and there just to break up the big holidays.

Here they spend the day kayaking, air rifles, archery, abseiling, high ropes. They can do short courses with certificates and it's all run by qualified instructors.

@MrsApplepants helpful 🙄

YABU, this is the reality for most working parents. They are too old for clubs. If OH WFH he can encourage screen breaks etc, use annual leave here and there for some days out the house and make the best of it

Don’t forget you can take 2 weeks parental leave as well.

Can you take annual leave in the middle of the long holiday to break it up?

It will be fine, they will learn so much being given the responsibility. You are doing the a favour.

I used to set my dc about 3 tasks to do each day I was working during the holidays. The tasks weren't difficult or would take long but they had to be done - then on days off they got to go and do cool stuff. if the tasks didn't get done then the cool stuff didn't happen. Really the tasks meant that I knew they weren't just staying in bed or glued to the tv

The kids will be fine. Don't worry.

When I was their age my DM couldn't work, I was an only child and we were very poor. We couldn't do things every day during the school holidays. Most of the time we just stayed home, other than an occasional trip to my grandparents and the weekly supermarket trip.

Do your DC get on? Do they have friends nearby? I had neither - no sibling to play with or friends within walking distance, so I had no choice but to stay at home. DM couldn't entertain me all day, every day, so I just had to get on with it.

Yes, I probably watched too much TV or played on my computer too much but there was literally no alternative.

When the weather was nice, Mum and me would play games in the garden like Badminton or Swing Ball - your kids could do the same if they got fed up or bored.

We used to take a weekly outing to the library to get some books to read (showing my age - pre internet!).

There seems to be an issue sometimes with children being "bored" nowadays, but there's no harm in it! Makes them get creative to entertain themselves!

Can you start work earlier in the holidays and have a shorter lunch break, so 8-2? Do your children sleep in - if so, this means you'll get to spend most of the day with them.

Or could you swap your hours around? M, W, F 8-4 (with 30 mins lunch), T & Th 8-11:45.