Trying to escape abuse, could do with some advice- posting here for traffic

[smileandwavexx]

I'm broken
This is outing but I'm desperate for advice
Straight to the point, I want out

Been with husband over 10 years, im mid 20s, he's 40s, we have 4 kids, 2 are terminally Ill....
mortgage is in his name.
I get benefits as I care for the kids and he "works" self employed.
With my money I pay everything apart from gas and electric so I'm left with nothing and he has his money once paid gas and electric and his phone and his hair cut pretty much!
He abuses me physically, mentally and now financially! He opens my mail, he hits me, he goes mad if I go out etc I can't handle it
I do everything with the kids, appointments, deal with professionals involved in their care, their medications etc it's all me he does nothing what so ever appart from take our 3rd son out as he's an angel and doesn't have any complex needs that are demanding basically.

Why have kids with him your asking ? He was amazing towards me, we got on well we just clicked an we worked. Since we got married an mid pregnancy with my last he turned, he went horrible broke my nose 6month pregnant over me sleeping with someone before I met him? an got worse an worse an he keeps mentioning I had sex with people before him, im a fat slag and a smack head (i don't drink or smoke let alone take any drugs !)) an he's going to tell people etc, he asked questions on my past at the beginning, I told him. This really doesn't bother me not been Virgin Mary, hard to find one these days anyway and I have a past like everyone else and I don't regret it!
He will tell my 3yo il only do something (say clean up) if I can suck a strangers duck at the end, how I shag about etc? I don't leave the house unless I have appointments with the kids. Iv never been without the kids ever this is nothing to what he does, he's a narcissist. It's taken me so long to realise but wow he's the worst, he punched the tele in, Iv had to buy a new one as I made him HAHA, he punched my kitchen cubords off so snapped my fridge door inside, Iv had to replace it as I made him again? No I never I don't even speak to him, im up till gine 11-12 at night cleaning the house when the kids go to bed an my oldest sleeps around 6 hours so once he's in bed, I get to bed at 12, he's up not long after me so im going on about 4 hours maximum lately with no break or help.
Today I was making a home made curry, he threw it in the bin an said kdis won't eat it, they really like it ? So I made them chicken an chips as it was quick (they was sat at the table waiting for tea when he binned it) then said am I ever going to feed them properly? It was home made curry they love, I threw chicken in for quickness. He's constantly telling me I'm a bad mum and the kids are better with him then me. I don't raise my voice or ignore them. It's me who takes all 4 kids out struggling on my own when he won't even take 1 the shop in the car !

Now I'm about to break with everything
Dealing with 2 terminally I'll kids and everything this entails aswel as 2 other kids then him doing this to me daily I can't take it

Iv tried to get a social worker, I had 12 referrals and they eventually came out and told me their isn't anything they can do an shut the case. But said I can have 5 hours a week to find someone help care for the kids ?

Iv rang local housing and they've said they won't do anything to help me as we are married I have a right to be here an he can leave, it isn't so black and white

Today I spoke with a solicitor about an occupational order, he said a judge probably wouldn't accept it as they wouldn't make someone homeless

WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO TO GET OUT!?
I have no we're to go, I have no family to stay with or money to do fuck all! I can't go private as I need adaptations doing on the house to be able to manage the kids as their fully physically reliant on me an their getting so big and heavy!

Please anyone if your still reading can anyone give me any advice. I can't cope anymore. Alls that keeps going through my head is just ending my life as their is no other way out of this but then I think I can't leave the kids with him cos then I would be a shit mum ?
Im just broke.

Oh my god!! You need to contact women's aid right now!!

@Terrribletwos womens aid have said I can go into a refuge but it can be anywhere and I can't go anywhere as the kids have special treatment an only 3 hospitals in the UK provide it, also I can't tell anyone where I am so I'd be stuck on the kids hospitsl days as I couldn't manage with 2 and 2 baby's ? If this makes any sence. And they have tons of appointments locally for their needs it isn't as easy to just go.

And contact the police

I think you should go to your local police station when you get the chance, and explain everything to them. If he is violent or aggressive again at any point then phone 999, have him removed and don’t let him back in.

I really think you have to take the chance of "going anywhere". I was in a similar situation and got to the point where anywhere was good enough. You might find it's not so bad and it surely must be better than the horrendous situation you are now.

Next time he raises a hand you ring 999. Your dc need you alive op.

Op, I realise you mentioned special treatment for your kids but you can definitely still move out and be close to hospital.

Really, contact womens aid, do you know them? Look them up in your area.

You need to get out of this awful situation.

Take the chance of going anywhere.everything will be done to help your children
Just get safe ASAP, that's priority at the moment

This is one of the worst posts that I have ever read on Mumsnet.

Op you will get some brilliant advice on this thread. I hope that it gives you the strength and knowledge to leave.

If you go out of area surely dc would qualify for a taxi or ambulance to get to appointments?

Call the police. Report historical domestic abuse.
He will be arrested and he will have bail conditions imposed. There will be a referral to social services; tell them everything. You will likely to be heard at MARAC, and should be contacted by specific domestic abuse services. An IDVA will be able to support you with a non-molestation order and an occupation order.

Please contact women's aid. They can get you and your children to safety. They'll work with you to get all the referrals and appointments sorted.
If you want to stay in your home, they can help you with a safety plan. I can understand why you would want to do this, with the children's appointments etc.
You need to phone the police next time he hits you. Actually contact them asap and get a marker put on the address so they'll prioritise your address when you call them. If you ask for their domestic violence team they will be able to give you advice too.

Iv rang police in the past and I am on high alert, 3 cars came about 2 months ago when I rang, it didn't even connect to a person as he hung up as it was ringing after I asked for police but my number flagged it straight away. nothing ever came of it he's home after a few hours and I did press charges once.
I will ring womens aid but it really isn't as simple as getting up and going with 4 kids and 2 that are terminally ill, safety is important yes but safety is also the equipment they have that's all made for them etc, their beds, the safety measures in place around the house to keep them safe etc, it really isn't as straight forward as some of you saying just go". The hospital thing, they go every 2 weeks for a full day of treatment, I can drive but I can't do this on my own with 4 of them. I physically can't ?

Ideally him going until I find somewhere is easiest for me an the kids but he won't go. Iv asked....

Just if anyone has any other options for me to explore. Woman's aid will be a first call tomorrow

Try to find a DV advisor/officer who will support your need to stay out and get an Occupation Order.

Police, local authority, local DV charity are all worth a try.

It might be best to email and set out the circumstances clearly.

Try a different solicitor?

Have you family who can help you ?

Contact family fund. In case of fire, flood or domestic violence they can help with practical equipment and furniture etc if you have a child with a disability. This is different to the normal application route if you just want one or two items. Give them a ring and explain the situation and see what they say. I am so sorry your in this situation it sounds really hard x

My parents help and my siblings but they don't have room for us to stay and they don't know about this.

You have to tell them

Please please tell your family. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you have nothing to be embarrassed about, you have done nothing wrong.

Please confide in those that love you.

Please tell your family. If you were my daughter or sister I'd move heaven & earth to keep you safe.

Jesus. His reign of terror has to stop. I would suggest you go to one of the professionals that are involved in your children's care and disclose what you have said here. Let them read this post and ask them for help. Or go to a school teacher. Any professional. Tell them and say you are worried for your safety and need help. Don't let your kids edure this.

Citizens advice have free family lawyers. You can get a half hour appt by phone. It’s rcjadvice.org.uk.
Have you tried the occupation order on line through CourtNav? Linked on the gov.uk site. You fill in the forms then a lawyer checks it and rings you/ emails you to discuss. They can also refer you to rcj as above.

Not sure if anyone is still on.
I contacted the council housing last night sn pretty much said it as blunt as it is that I mentally cannot take no more an the fact I'm getting no help and they wonder why people end up dead in DV cases when they ask for help an cannot get it

They've rang me straight away today ( well my dad!) he said I should of told him this but hey! an said they was worried. Iv spoken to them since and they've agreed a hostel isn't the best place for me an the kids due to their needs an their safety as for me yes it would be safer at a hostel/refuge but not for them and they need to come first as I can't keep them all safe on my own in a new environment plus their anxiety is bad on a normal day let alone things changing and it been super scary for them so I need to do what's best for them even if I suffer for abit longer (if this makes sence)
Like I said Iv been going through it for long enough a few more weeks won't hurt if we have an end goal of actually getting out to keep me going !!

So I am now a priority to get housing and then when I have been allocated a house their going to get me a police escort to collect absolutely all my belongings from the property and that will be that, I'm always going to remain high alert to the police due to the history and she has safe guarded me again to Ss as I don't have a SW. even after begging so hopefully Iv done everything right and il soon be free with my babies !

So now I need to keep my double chin held high, knowme an my babies are going to be okay, I will fight until my last breath to give them the best life and make us happy.
I have this ❤️
We will soon be free to be wild again and happy ! Xx

I'm still here. I'm glad the services realised how desperate your situation is and that hopefully they're going to get something in place for you. Fingers crossed that it doesn't take too long.