to my baby’s father for not letting him know the name before I picked it?

[NewMom0923]

So I’m currently 24wk pregnant with my first baby. I’m not in a relationship with the father but we have been good friends for 6 years.

when I told him I was pregnant he had said he doesn’t want to be involved with the baby, it broke mg heart and I’ve not been speaking to him much.

I had met with him after he said he wanted to talk about stuff. He sounded interested and concerned on how baby is doing. I then told him I had a name for her and he looked really upset. He asked why I didn’t speak to him first because he would have wanted to know.

An I in the wrong for not asking him even though he said he didn’t want to be involved?

Yeah... whatever else you do get CMS onto him. He doesn't get away with not financially supporting his child.

That's not his decision, get on to CMS as soon as baby arrives to ensure he is contributing as much as he should.

Agree with pp don't put him on the birth certificate but do get onto child maintenance as soon as the baby is here.
You didn't make the baby alone he should financially support his child.

No, you're not wrong AT ALL. And please, dear God/all that is hoy, do NOT give your child the dad's surname. It will cause a ream of legal issues/general life difficulties later on in life, the baby is YOURS.

*all that is holy, lol

He’s not a good friend.

despite knowing how his dick worked and already having children - he chose to have sex and doesn’t want to pay or support but do what he wants when he wants

csa for maintenance on the day you register the birth

you name her he doesn’t get a choice

you make all the decisions

if you want to relocate so it now

tell him to jog on

He had said he can’t be involved because he has other children (all older) and he won’t bdd we able to financially support.

Is he putting pressure on you not to pursue him for child support? He seems to think that if he's "not involved" (although he still wants to choose the name!!!) then that allows him to CHOOSE not to financially support his child, but that's not how it works. He's the father, so he HAS to financially support them. Ignore any sob stories about how it will reduce the money available for his other children (he doesn't care about not providing any money for your child, does he?). He should have had a vasectomy if he didn't want more children.

This man is not your friend.

He wants nothing to do with the baby so the name is none of his concern. Do not put his name on the birth cert.

He's a total prize. I'm reiterating my point that no, you don't have to discuss the name with him.

Personally, I'd tell him to get lost. He doesn't get to choose if he financially supports or not but it's up to you whether you're going to force it via CMS. Either way, I'd be very very careful about this man and his involvement because I see no way in which he's not going to be a constant disappointment to you and your DC.

No, I think it's actually really important that you chose the name yourself. You're renegotiating your relationship (with a small "r") and this is part of that. He's not going to agree with everything you decide and perhaps you both need to get used to that.

People think 0-4 is the expensive phase because of childcare costs, but everything is expensive with teenagers. Their clothes and shoes probably cost 3 times what mine do, they break phones more often. Music lessons, hobbies, lifts add up every week. Do consider going via CMS.

Firstly huge congratulations on your pregnancy!
I had my son last year. When I first told his dad I was pregnant he told me he wasn’t happy about it and then disappeared for almost 3 months. He showed no interest in the pregnancy and didn’t help prepare for baby but then had the gall to try and dictate my son’s name even refused to sign birth certificate if I insisted on using both our surnames. Needless to say my son has a name chosen by me with my surname and a blank space on his birth certificate where his dad’s name should be. I was upset at first, pregnancy hormones can play havoc with your emotions but now almost 11 months on me and my son are thriving and his dad is completely absent (he has been since my son was 5 days old). Honestly if he’s told you he wants no involvement don’t let him flip flop in and out of yours and bubba’s lives. You’re the one who will be using your baby’s name day in and day out, her name should be your choice. Her surname should be yours also… if her dad isn’t involved then she’ll want a name she can relate to which is the same as her mummy’s. Having your surname will also make holidays, passports etc far easier.

Did 'not wanting to be involved' mean not paying, by any chance? But still wants to call the shots on the name etc?

If he doesn't want to support or be "involved" he doesn't get a say. Your baby, your rules. It sounds like it will make life a lot easier than dealing with someone who has no sense of responsibility or even friendship.

This...
And also the last line THIS!!

Well he has to pay up - make sure you get onto that now.

As for the name, you know you aren't being unreasonable. The man is a twat.

Good luck with everything.

YANBU, he said he didn't want to be involved. So he wasn't

I don't know what else you could do. He said he didn't want to be involved so you sorted things out yourself. Has he changed his mind? I would still insist on giving your baby your surname.

Just read your update. He will have to financially provide for your baby. How disgusting he thinks so little of his own child he does want to provide for her. Report to CSM. Your dd will be deserving of every penny he has to pay for her.

What a CF. He was a role in deciding the name but doesn't want to support the child?

As PPs have said, claim through CMS and do not give your child his surname.

I can tell from this he will 100% flit in and out of babys life which is no good for them or you.

I'd go no contact until baby is born and give him the choice when, 100% in or 100% out. In means paying and a regular schedule to see baby with a 3 strikes in 6 months and you're out policy - whether that's missing payments or visiting, without an unavoidable reason. Out means out and a court order to start access.

I wonder what CSA will think of his plan not to financially support? They’ve probably never heard his argument before and will agree with him right away!

He will have no choice when CSA make him pay towards her, and if he wants contact you should be arranging it. She has a right to know her father.

He's a knobhead. I'd let him exist in his fairytale land until after baby is born, register baby with the name you like, your surname and then go to CMS.

He may suddenly 'have a change of heart' when he realises he can't get out of paying and the only way to reduce it is to have contact. If he starts insisiting shit while you're pregnant it's just going to stress you out. You can sort out contact afterwards and if he steps up, you can always add him to the certificate later.