To feel so jealous

[JealousJoey]

I hate myself for feeling like this, but I can't help it. Can someone please shake some sense into me?!
My brother and I are quite close and got on very well as children. We are both married with children and lead similar lives money wise. We don't have many luxuries but own our own homes (with big mortgages), similar size modest houses, no fancy holidays.

My brothers wife is due a huge inheritance, probably half a million at least, possibly far more. It is life changing money. I know inheritance comes due to death in the family which is very sad, but I just feel that our lives are going to be so different now.

It doesn't help that my SIL is always complaining that my brother doesn't earn enough money, and has been quite vocal about all her friends successful husbands and has always been openly jealous of their homes and lives. She has always felt hard done by that her house is smaller than all her friends, and is very materialistic and judgemental. So I'm not her biggest fan, and I feel sick that she is going to be lauding it over everyone now she has so much money. My brother isn't materialistic at all, I really want to be happy for him but I don't feel that way inside.

Has anyone else dealt with these feelings and had success? I don't want to feel this way, I want to be happy for them, but I'm not, I feel desperately sad about it. I feel like an awful person too for even thinking about it. How do you get over this disparity and not feel jealous?!
I feel like it's going to be so close to home, that there will be no escaping it.

Kindly but firmly you’ve just got to get over it. Life is going to be full of ups and downs, you never know what is around the corner for anyone. You know that you’ve got a great, happy life that so many people would dream of. My sister’s income/house/kids schools etc is far better than we could ever afford but it does mean they have a great place for us to visit! It will just eat you up if you let it, count your blessings, enjoy what you have and try to be happy for your brother. You’re not an awful person, it’s human.

If you can’t beat them join them!

go do a masters in accounting and it won’t take that many years to earn 500k!!

You do just need to get over it.
She sounds like a difficult person, with her "materialistic and judgemental" attitude and criticizing your brother on his earnings, so even with a large inheritance she probably won't ever be happy with it.

Also, have some compassion she'll probably appreciate some sympathy during her grieving period so don't make the mistake of allowing your envy to take over. Be the better person.

Thank you for this. I know you are right and I know I need to make peace with it. I think I need to gradually work through these feelings.
I think its the huge overnight change that's hard to handle, knowing our children's upbringings are going to now be very different. I need to focus on the positives, thank you.

There will always be someone better off than you and others worse off. We just have to learn to live our own lives and not let other’s circumstances cloud ours.

She doesn’t sound like the most pleasant personality with all her complaining and jealousy so this inheritance might not actually ‘buy’ her the happiness she thinks she will have through material items.

Yes this is true too. I do feel sorry for her, it is a huge loss. I will definitely try to be there for her during the grieving period, and have already been supportive. My parents would be so ashamed if they saw this thread. I feel so utterly ashamed of these feelings which is why I posted here rather than sharing in real life. I can't even admit this to my DH as he would be flabbergasted that this is bothering me and think I was an awful person.

This is true and could actually be the nudge I need to retrain to plan our future better. Accounting is something I've always considered (I'm already in a numbers heavy job) but didn't feel I could make it work now I have the kids.

Sil will go through that money like a dose of salts there’s inheritance tax which will take loads away don’t be jealous enjoy the stable happy life you’ve got.