To be suspicious that my niece has been tricked by her friend?

[Suspicious101]

My niece is 17, her friend 'Molly' is 16. They have been friends for a number of years, very close to one another, but also quite different in lots of ways.

My sister phoned me today to tell me that my niece is very upset over a boy she'd been chatting to online for approximately three months. The two had been introduced by Molly. I say introduced, Molly just passed my niece's phone number onto the boy. My niece and the boy have only ever communicated via WhatsApp, no other social media as the boy claimed he did not have social media. They've never had a phone call or video call. In the three months they were chatting, my niece never met him, despite her making numerous suggestions to meet.

On the weekend just gone, the boy finally agreed to meet my niece and Molly in town, however he didn't show up and didn't communicate with either of them the whole time they were there. As soon as Molly and my niece said their goodbyes and went their separate ways, the boy then started texting my niece again making all sorts of excuses.

Then today, completely out the the blue, he has said he no longer wants anything to do with my niece and has blocked her. My niece is very upset as it's her first real experience of a boy and relationships.

Immediately I had a strange feeling about this entire scenario and asked my sister if she was sure that the boy even existed, if there was any possibility that Molly could somehow be involved. She immediately jumped on the defensive and said I was accusing Molly with no foundation and basis, and told me I was unsupportive.

AIBU to be very suspicious of this scenario though? To me, there seems to be red flags all over the place... I also work in a secondary school and this sort of duplicitous behaviour between teenagers is surprisingly very common. I am not saying that this is definitely the case, but I do think it should be explored as a possibility, I don't want my niece to be potentially vulnerable again.

If you are close to her it’s a good opportunity to empathise about heartbreak and new relationships. In future maybe she should check out people she doesn’t know, be suspicious of someone who’s reluctant to meet up, remember not everyone is telling the truth.

I wouldn’t suggest her friend was lying, you have no evidence but being generally more savvy is a useful tool.

Poor her.

Yeah it sounds like Molly was the boy.
Unfortunately nothing you can do about it. The life lesson for DNiece is not to get too attached to someone you haven't met in person, that teen boy could be a 50 year old bloke for all you know.

There was a case very similar to this in Australia I think, where the girl who was duped ended up committing suicide over it.

Let me see if I could find it.

I would have the exact same response as you to this. It all sounds v suspicious. Your poor niece.

Molly or not, it's a good time to talk to you niece about online safety and that people aren't always who the say.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/australia-news/2020/may/20/coroner-condemns-catfisher-over-sydney-woman-renae-marsdens-suicide

Pretty much exactly what happened to your niece.

@BeADinosaur I thought of that case too, having recently listened to a podcast about it. The girl who ended up killing herself was called Renae Marsden.

article here

It definitely seems to me like the friend is involved OP.

I agree with you I doubt this boy exists at all. The fact the texting only happens when the friend isn’t there too. What teen has zero social media these days. No snap? No Instagram? No TikTok? Hell a WhatsApp photo?

The bitch is catfishing her. What teenage boy doesn't have any social media? Not even Snapchat? Either she's not a friend and she's just being cruel, or this is her way of getting closer to your niece because she's attracted to her and can't express it herself. Either way, it needs to stop.

Yea it is definitely a possibility that the boy didn’t exist at all.

I don’t know if suggesting her friend is lying is the way to go, but maybe focus on how you can know and trust someone that you have never met….eg how would you know someone was who they said, or belive what they tell you if you have never even seen them.

she sounds quite vulnerable, but this experience could be a learning one for her hopefully and help her be a bit more wary in the future.

It’s odd that her mum isn’t more concerned though isn’t it.

I suspect you've hit the nail on the head. Are you close to your niece? Could you get her on her own and gently express your concerns?

Could you get someone to ring the number on a private caller. Not right this second but in a few days. See if it even connects.

There are apps and webpages you can use that give you a fake number basically. You can only text off it not call.

I wouldn't feel comfortable suggesting it to my niece herself as my sister has already shot the idea down, I feel like I would be undermining her authority as a parent. I'd like my sister to be a little more open to the idea / explore the possibility. It just all seems very strange to me.

Has your sister never seen Catfish? It's the first thing I thought when I started reading your post.

This. It is immaterial whether the boy exists or not. Talk to your niece about keeping herself as safe as possible, and not to be too trusting on sm.

There's a podcast called Sweet Bobby that this reminded me of.

why do you think your sister won’t even consider it as a possibility? Is your sister vulnerable or easily lead to? Just seems unusual to not even want to consider it a possibility. Clearly the friend as the only link is the only “real” connection between her daughter and this boy/unknown texted.

I mean I think you’re right not to undermine your sister but I would work with her a bit maybe to highlight some of the red flags.

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/sweet-bobby/id1590561275

Fascinating podcast about a case where an apparently perfectly sensible grown woman was duped by a female family friend...

This is Catfishing. So sad for your niece.

It seems like cat fishing to me, and I'm fairly sure that is what's happened, but my sister has told me that my accusations are baseless. Of course the most important thing is to teach my niece internet safety, but equally, if it is a case of her being tricked by Molly, my niece should know who she's 'friends' with.

My niece is very upset as it's her first real experience of a boy and relationships.

I think it's worth gently explaining to her, that as they never met , never saw or heard each other, she still has no real experience of a boy and relationships.

Get your sister to listen to the podcast 'Sweet Bobby', and she may understand your theory better x

Get them to start watching CATFISH on MTV should open both their eyes
Yep deffo the mate on a wind up