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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is a good one. Involves perfume, and childbirth.

36 replies

FrannyandZooey · 19/02/2008 19:36

I am just about to book a doula to help with birth of dc2. When we met her we really liked her but she was wearing strong perfume. I have a real problem with heavy perfume (makes me feel nauseous and gives me a headache), especially when pg, and I don't think I can book her if she is going to turn up for the birth wearing it (would rather she not wear it for antenatal appointments but I could put up with it). Would it be completely and wildly unreasonable of me to ask her not to wear perfume while helping with the birth? It sounds like a small request in some ways, but the thing is, she will be on call for up to a whole month around my due date and I obviously don't think I can ask her to not wear perfume for that period, so she would have to go and shower, and possibly change her clothes, when I called her and told her I was in labour This does seem like a lot to ask.

Plus she may not realise it is probably all over her hair and clothes as well - she may still turn up smelling of perfume. Oh dear.

What do you think? I haven't got a lot of options here, as she is the only local doula I have been able to find, and even if I find another, I may not feel so positive about her. I really like this woman. Can I ask her about this before booking her?

OP posts:
itsahardknocklife · 19/02/2008 19:37

Ask her. She'll be used to dealing with pregnant ladies and their requests!

filthymindedvixen · 19/02/2008 19:39

better perfume than fags I suppose!
Or chip fat
Or that wierd oniony-scent some people get when they are not very good at personal hygiene...

Actually, I think I would say something - you could blame it on pg nausea.

squimlet · 19/02/2008 19:39

a doula will understand. explain to her that it makes you feel nauseas and that you dont wish to offend but could she refrain from using it. you are paying her for a service and I am sure she will oblige

moleymo · 19/02/2008 19:39

Just ask her - I'm sure she'd be fine as its its quite common to be affected by perfumes etc when pg.

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 19/02/2008 19:40

really? it seems so personal and also it is part of the way she presents herself so I feel like it is almost an insult if I say her perfume makes me sick

OP posts:
callmeovercautious · 19/02/2008 19:41

Ask her. Tell her you have an allergy to strong Perfume and you would hate to be sneezing during contractions

funnyhaha · 19/02/2008 19:41

She attends women in childbirth - I cant believe she hasn't had worse requests before

If you like her I would absolutely ask her. Explain what an impact perfume has on you (& you could drop into that conversation that you can smell perfume on 'your friend' even if she hasn't applied it that day if she's wearing clothes she has previously worn with her perfume on). Except maybe use less words than I just did

But I think it would probably have to be a shower & dress job rather than a no perfume for a month one.

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 19/02/2008 19:42

I wouldn't say it like that of course
I thought I could say "I noticed you were wearing some lovely perfume; I found I had a real problem with the smell of perfume towards the end of my pg last time - do you think it would be a problem to not wear any for the birth?"

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 19/02/2008 19:42

Ask her, can't hurt. Probably don't say 'your perfume makes me sick' though...

flowerybeanbag · 19/02/2008 19:43

x-post, that way sounds v tactful!

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 19/02/2008 19:43

yes good idea funnyhaha
I do think unless I make a big deal of it, she will probably turn up thinking "oh well I put it on ages ago, it will be ok now"

OP posts:
Littlefish · 19/02/2008 19:44

Franny, that sounds completely reasonable. Beautifully phrased .

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 19/02/2008 19:44

really? god I thought I would get ripped apart for being precious

OP posts:
SheherazadetheGoat · 19/02/2008 19:45

you have to say something [boak @ thought of newborn mini f&z smelling of perfume]

funnyhaha · 19/02/2008 19:45

I sort of agree that you need to make a reasonably big deal of it - she will be used to the level of smell, sorry, scent I think being clear on the effect even a little perfume has on you (ie this is your problem not hers) sounds good. And blaming pg hormones also diffuses any possible insult.

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 19/02/2008 19:46

yup it was strong
we could still smell it before we went to bed, hours after she had left
I went up for a bath and it was definitely on me from where she had hugged me

it was actually nice perfume, it just has a crap effect on me

OP posts:
nospringchicken · 19/02/2008 19:48

She won't mind ! I had the same independent midwife for 3 of my 4 births - the last 2 at home. She actually encouraged me to speak up about such things, perfume being an example. She actually wore none herself, but that would have been the sort of thing she meant.

Pruners · 19/02/2008 19:48

Message withdrawn

sherby · 19/02/2008 19:58

YANBU

I am rather phobic about people who wear tons of perfume, tis much nicer to be subtle.

The wording sounds fine. She may have also just put some on this time because it was her first time meeting you and she wanted to be presentable. So she might not wear that much normally or even at all.

Ledodgy · 19/02/2008 20:01

YANBU I feel exactly the same about strong perfume.

JingleyJen · 19/02/2008 20:06

I feel the same, it makes me retch that when I pick up DS2 after he has spent the day with her and he stinks of her perfume.

I can't imagine that she would mind at all.

BettySpaghetti · 19/02/2008 20:07

YANBU and that wording sounds fine.

When I was pregnant with DD I had bad nausea and used to have to regularly share a car with a colleague who was heavy on the perfume. It was difficult as the nausea was at its worst before I'd told anyone I was pregnant so I just kept quiet and turned this colour

SnafuAtSea · 19/02/2008 20:13

Franny, fwiw, I never wear perfume when working on labour ward, precisely because I know how sensitive pg women - especially those in labour - are to smells.

Just ask her nicely not to wear it. It's completely reasonable and if she's any good at her job, she'll understand.

Then you can buy her a big bottle of it as a thank-you present

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 19/02/2008 20:16

thank you everyone
thank you very much

OP posts:
Flibbertyjibbet · 19/02/2008 20:19

I have had a lifelong sinus/headachey thing from perfumes, more or less any perfume if its newly applied or strong. And aftershave.
Its not just when I'm pregant, I've spent my life suffering from other peoples fragrances. Whenever I've asked them to refrain from ie spraying it on themselves when at the next desk to me they do rip me apart like I am being precious!
Personally I would not book her as even if she showers etc it will be all over her coat, hair, whatever clothes she puts on. Are you going to give her laundering instructions as well?
Can't you find another odour-neutral doula?

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