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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to ask you all to knock some sense into me?

10 replies

StephanieSuperpowers · 23/05/2023 12:51

I know I'm being unreasonable, but I feel quite down. Please knock some sense into me.

Today is my DD's birthday. She had her party last weekend to facilitate another family event this weekend. My siblings came and brought their kids and some lovely presents. It's quite a distance to come and I do appreciate the effort they made.

The actual birthday day is today. None of my family have said a word. We have a family whatsapp group and we normally send messages for each other and the children on it, outside of parties etc, because they're often not on the actual day. But not a word. My practically house bound, very rurally located inlaws (MIL is 90!) sent a card that has arrived today. She has never, ever forgotten any of the grandchildren, no matter what. But my parents? Not a word. DM gave me money (a very generous amount) to buy presents for DD a few weeks ago, and I did. They're bought and wrapped.

I just feel very sad. My parents have made no plans to see DD. This weekend (when we will see them) is someone else's day and because DD is an only child, I am insistent that she grows up understanding that she has her turn and others do, too.

I feel very sad. I haven't said anything, because I don't feel like I am in a space to without being excessive about it, but I know my parents will be annoyed when they realise they forgot and they will blame me for not reminding them. Generally, I feel over burdened at the moment - I'm in the middle of exams, I have a new job, my DD was sick last week, we had the party, I'm carrying an injury that makes getting around harder and it's just me and DH, we have nobody to give us a hand but my parents do help my siblings (they're close by, I don't usually feel resentment about it) and I feel they could just...probably not help, as such, but reach out a bit?

Please be harsh and knock me out of this self indulgent fug before I say something that will only make things worse, stupid whingebag that I am.

Thanks for reading. Writing it down has cheered me up a bit at least...

OP posts:
007DoubleOSeven · 23/05/2023 12:53

Sorry, I don't think you're unreasonable to feel that way. Has your dd noticed?

StephanieSuperpowers · 23/05/2023 12:55

She hasn't, she's been in school today and I made her a special breakfast and let her open a couple of silly presents so she was very happy going off this morning.

OP posts:
007DoubleOSeven · 23/05/2023 12:57

If she hasn't noticed then I would raise it with your family in a non confrontational way at another time.

In the meantime, if they're on social media I'd suggest posting a "happy birthday to my amazing daughter" post to indirectly remind them and give them a boot up the arse.

DiIIy · 23/05/2023 14:28

They seen her for her party and they are seeing her at the weekend, I'd try not to get too wrapped up in it. Especially if she hasn't noticed.

thecatinthetwat · 23/05/2023 14:40

I feel for you, I really do. But, the best thing to do is gently remind them before your dd gets home. They can make it up to you later, but you don’t want your dd to miss out on messages/ FaceTime etc. for today.

AutumnNymph · 23/05/2023 14:44

Can you share a picture of her on the family WhatsApp group saying birthday girl with her special breakfast or somerhing? Or of her opening gifts?

hugefanofcheese · 23/05/2023 14:44

Sounds like you have a huge amount on your plate and this has left you feeling uncared for which I'm sure isn't true. Remember the positives- all the effort made last week, plus your mum's generosity even if she isn't great with cards. Perhaps a birthday photo on the family WhatsApp would be a reminder that today's the actual day? I know it feels like you shouldn't have to but they've shown they care and probably saw last week as a substitute.

When exams are over, make sure you plan something nice for yourself too 💐

StephanieSuperpowers · 23/05/2023 15:09

Thanks everyone. Well, it happens that my Dad called and was chatting to DD a while ago and said "and your birthday is coming up!" and she said, all puzzled, "it's today!". So they know now and are quite upset. So I feel bad now the other way!

OP posts:
007DoubleOSeven · 23/05/2023 15:41

Then you need to tackle it head on with your parents

StephanieSuperpowers · 23/05/2023 15:44

I do. Thankfully, DD doesn't care and thinks it's quite funny.

OP posts:
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