To want to see less of our friends?

[Luckyonetwothree]

AIBU in wanting to see less of our friends? My partner of 7 years (we live together), works nights, I work days so we see very little of each other. At weekends I tend to do housework all Saturday while he sleeps then on Saturday night/Sundays I’d like to spend some quality time with him. He however seems to always want to spend it around other people, i.e. his friends, so he will end up going out on Saturday tea time for a coffee with a mate for a few hours and then later Saturday evening he wants to see couples together, go for drinks/bowling etc.

Come Sunday he’ll again want to either entertain (loads of work for me) or go out to friends’ houses (I’m always invited as they are usually couples). The minute he's up he'll be trying to arrange something. I keep saying I want a romantic meal out/weekend away etc, just the two of us, but it’s almost like he’s avoiding that. I don’t want to spend my spare time preparing and cooking and clearing up after visitors as I’ve done it so much over the past few years and its hard work. I don’t mind the odd time but I’m starting to resent it. When I complain that I want to do things just the two of us he’ll say ‘but we spend all out time together’. Well no we don’t actually as we’re always at work. I’m starting to feel really side-lined and am quite sick and bored of spending so much time with his mates and their wives/girlfriends – I’m quite happy in my own company or just with him. He’s not the most demonstrative man but I know he loves me, however I crave some romance – is this unreasonable?

How can we compromise on this? I’m starting to feel we are not right for each other and I’ve invested so much into this relationship not quite sure what to do next.

Basically he treats you as his unpaid housekeeper/mother/ nanny/ sextoy.

Doubtless you could get a better paid career as any of those.

The question is, do you want to spend another seven years being walked on as his doormat?

Possible answer: he doesn't actually like you that much, but likes having someone to split bills with, someone who spends hours cleaning his house, free sex he doesn't have to pay for dates/sex workers to get. But actually spending time with you, he doesn't like.

You sound like a housekeeper. You clean all day Saturday (!) and then cook and clean for his mates. Why are you accepting this role?

I think you need to have a proper chat with him .Say firstly that you cannot entertain at Weekend all the time ,you need a break! Obv its good to see friends but not all the time, and not if he doesnt want to help! I would also say to him that you are booking a weekend away for you both .Just do it and tell him later.I think his reaction will decide if you are right for each other .When away you will have time together to talk .

I would immediately stop doing all the preparing and cooking, and cleaning up afterwards. Tell him that if he wants his mates round he has to do all of that himself. I think his reaction to this will tell you a lot – if he still asks people round all the time you probably have to accept that he's just a very sociable guy and that's her personality. If on the other hand, he stops asking them over when he has to do all the work, that will give you a clear picture of how he views your role in the relationship.

Personally, if it is the former I would be trying to work out some sort of compromise along the lines suggested by PPs. And if it's the latter, I would be moving on from the relationship, but YMMV.