Shouldn’t have watched the Rolf Harris documentary

[BlameGone]

Not sure why I did, it’s brought back so
much pain and upset from my past.

i’m much older now, but the whole sexual abuse from my childhood and teenage years has never left me,

I feel like I brought lots of it on myself, I was very confused and unhappy.

I have tried counselling, but it didn’t help.

I don’t know why I’ve posted, perhaps just for a mad hold?

That should be hand hold!

sorry

Sending you a massive hug and a handhold. So sorry you were abused.

I'm sorry OP. I don't have any practical advice for you, but I didn't want to read and run. I hope you manage to find a way work through this. Hopefully others will be able to provide you with some ideas of steps you can take.

Here to give you a mad hold and a hand hold .

Thank you so much, that’s released me tears. I needed to cry.

I haven't seen the documentary but I relate so much to the feelings I have had about my abuse as a child. And the need to reach out for a mad hold. It has improved since I started trauma based therapy. The self blame is getting so much less as I process it, though it hasn't gone away entirely

Sending you love and kindness.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Trauma can be held in the body and may need somatic therapies to release it. There are lots of different ones. As Gabor Mate said the body keeps the score.

I’m so sorry @BlameGone I can be bad at watching triggering stuff too. In some ways I find I am almost drawn to it maybe to try to understand or something. Mind yourself it is incredibly difficult. I think trauma informed therapy rather than talk therapy can be very helpful. I found talk therapy only somewhat helpful to unpick some of the distortions I had bought into but trays informed therapy particularly for me IFS was very good.

So true and I highly recommend the Bessel Van Kolk book of the same title.

Sorry I meant hand hold in my post!

💐@BlameGone

I agree, I feel like I’m drawn to the pain of watching this stuff.

it’s awful, it makes me feel awful.

it sets me on a spiral

He's dead now, which is something.

Aside from that, OP, have you tried EMDR for your trauma? It's very much different to counselling and you make noticeable progress over a shorter time. We use it a lot for people in your situation at work, and I've had it myself for something different.

I literally cheered, he was a vile person! True evil!

I hope their is a special place in hell for him.

Thank you for this, I’m going to research this.

As Gabor Mate said the body keeps the score.

Bessel Van Dee Kolk’s book of the same name is an excellent read for folk trying to make sense of their reactions when they’ve experienced trauma.

You didnt bring any of it on yourself so please dont ever think that x