I am dealing with the most frustrating situation. This will be a bit of a long one with back story.
I am foreign and have been in the U.K. for roughly five years. I came here when my son was 6 months old and married his father (British). It was an emotionally abusive relationship with massive amounts of coercive control. I worked throughout our time together but it was never full time as my work had to fit with caring for my son (before he started school). We moved outside of town last year in the spring. Basically, it made it tough for me to visit my multiple part time jobs. I was told to quit and just find a full time job (as our son was in nursery 14 hours a week but starting school in the autumn). I did this. I obtained a job doing care at a residential home. However, before I started, my ex husband quit his job and decided to make me the breadwinner. He said he would do delivery jobs to bridge the gap (which he never ended up doing). This was incredibly scary to me. I didn’t even know if I would be successful in my new job. Anyway, fast forward, I’ve started the job and it’s tough. But really, it’s tough to get there, I had to take extremely early buses just to arrive on time and it was during many strikes happening. Often buses would get cancelled and I would have to get a taxi. God forbid I would ask for a lift. I would be called a c*, or similar. I was exhausted. I was done. I finally ended things. However I had nowhere to go so it was an awkward few months there. Plus, he still wasn’t working. I met someone new at work. I think after being treated abysmally for so long I just craved something nice, and it was so nice. Just to be treated like a human being. Anyway, my ex found out. He began packing my things and stacking them into a corner of the lounge over days and weeks at a time. Eventually he completely chucked me out. Mind you, I was paying for everything and had for months. Unfortunately, he was the tenant and I was just an occupant. He would not allow me to take my son. Fast forward to October and I’ve got a place. He won’t share time with my son. Despite me begging, trying, everything I could for two months I was basically homeless (but able to stay with kind people in this time).
Skip forward several months and I’ve had a court hearing two months ago. Basically I got two evenings a week after school, but I have to take him back to his dads for the night. Then, one Friday over night, back the next morning. Then the next weekends is mine. The infuriating thing is that he has used the fact that I work full time as a reason I should not have my son 50% of the time. He is able to work minimal hours and is now on universal credit. He works term time only. Would be nice for me to work minimal hours like before but unfortunately that doesn’t pay the bills. Mind you, I’m also not entitled to public funds, so help isn’t there for me.
This isn’t the final say. There’s another hearing approaching in the summer where they will consider my position of the 3-3-4-4 schedule being the best option.
Where I want to know if I’m being unreasonable. My solicitor and the courts seem to entertain my ex husband with his notions about me working full time. After the last hearing they asked me to provide a letter from my employer saying they will suit my shifts to fit childcare arrangements. I did this and moved my shifts around slightly. However, now my solicitor is preparing for the upcoming hearing and wants another letter confirming that they would move my shifts around to fit the 3-3-4-4 arrangement. Am I unreasonable to be absolutely enraged by all of this? I work 35 hours a week which is not excessive. I will arrange what I need to fit, however it turns out?! I would never let work dictate how my child arrangements turn out?! I haven’t replied to my solicitor but I wanted to reply that it feels misogynistic having to provide these as things. Maybe I’m just tired by the whole thing. Maybe I’m sensitive. I just want to know if AIBU (before I email my solicitor back).