Is it okey that I do not like nor want to be touched, at all?

[CantAskAnyoneElse]

Obviously I don't actually need a permission to be the way that I am, but I was just wondering…

I hate it.
Don’t want to touch, don’t want to be touched by people, anyone.

Is anyone here like me, or know someone who is?
I tried to find threads about this, but peoplw usually said they don’t like other other that thei partners, kids, parents, friends…. 😀
So it wasn’t what I was looking for.

YANBU - It’s allright, we’re all different
YABU - It’s not allright (if so, why not?)

I'm the same. I feel very uncomfortable when people touch me. I am neurodiverse and have sensory sensitivities. It's not just people touching me, it's clothes, hair, anything really. I just can't stand it. It was one of the reasons for my divorce. I wasn't always like this. It started to develop in adulthood and has got worse every year, particularly in the last few years.

Assuming you’re single and child free and happily to remain so, it’s fine- why wouldn’t it be?

If you are single and child free, its perfectly fine.

If you're not, its a lot more complicated.

Agree - don't see what the issue is, each to their own

If you have children or a partner then no, it is not okay, because touch is a very important part of human development.

The majority of humans crave and cannot live without touch, it’s necessary for survival (see the experiment done on monkeys where they had a choice between comfort and being fed, they all chose comfort), so it wouldn’t be acceptable to deny your partner or children that.

.

This is me, I don’t know if I’m neurodiverse, but I have also lots of sensory issues, all kinds of noises are very difficult for me.
And they do seem to get worse the older I get.

It's fine OP. No one has the right to touch you if you don't like/ want to be touched, and there is nothing wrong with not wanting it.

Where you might struggle is with intimate relationships, because most people do want touch of some kind with their close family members/ partner.

If you do have/ want a family or children, it might affect them. So it be worth trying out some counselling to see if you can talk through how you might cope with that.

If you don't really mind about having a family/ children, then I can't see any problem at all.

I would like to find a partner.
I don’t like being single at all.
I’d like to find someone like me, to share a life with.
But yes, this has been a problem in the past.
I kind of stopped believing in love, but I still crave company and a partner.
So it does suck.

Kids I know I couldn’t deal with, even though I’d like them. Although that could also be more about society demanding women to have them and promises of inconditional love and all that crap 😁.
I don’t know.

But partner and love would be nice!

I can’t bear someone rubbing my head/ touching my hair in an affectionate way especially when dry. I find it really hard to explain to partners, it’s like my hearing is super sensitive and it
“feels “ really loud. Does that sound familiar OP?

Well it would be a bit hard to have children if you didn't want to ever be touched, but if it works for you

Noise is a massive issue for me too. It causes me so much anxiety that I have to take a high dose of anti-anxiety meds. Tried therapy but it had no effect. My noise-cancelling headphones are essential in the summer.

I hate it too

I met someone for the first time last year who tried to hug me from behind. Call me dramatic but how do I know you're not going to try and mug me?

Having a partner and love almost always requires an awful lot of touching though.

I mean, it's certainly possible that you could find someone like yourself who does not want to be touched at all, and have a relationship based on not touching, but it might be difficult to find, and keep it going.

I do have kids but they are mid to late teens now. My touch sensitivity was nowhere near as bad when they were small but, even if it was, I would never have stopped them touching me or hugging me. They were both very clingy. My youngest is a hugger but I let her hug me if she wants to and I hug her back. I will always offer a hug if they're upset. I always put their comfort before mine in this instance.

It's totally ok not to like it. I agree with a pp that if you have children, they do need physical intimacy on some level so you do owe it to them to try to work through some level of this with a sympathetic therapist to see if there are some past history issues you could unpick or to find what kind of touch IS ok for you.

For, example my autistic child hates gentle touches or hair touches, but loves a really firm back massage, or sitting back to back while reading, or us pouring warm water onto his hands when he's on the bath. He will also will give us and his siblings leg or back 'massages' using a theragun, which are sometimes a bit painful 😅, or brushing our hair, which are his way of showing physical contact and mean a lot to us, and I think to him, as he most likes to do it if there's been some time apart, or after an argument or telling off.

The only other issue I'd see is if it's getting in the way of what you want with major relationships, or if you might avoid important medical treatment because of it. If not, then you should feel confident in yourself, it's good to be different.

That’s why I said someone like me.

Difficult to find, is an understatement, but just for this thing alone I don’t see why it would be difficult to keep going if that was what we both needed.
It would be impossible to be with someone who would want / insist to touch me.

This is turning into a vent now, but since I’m here:
I really wish there was dating sites that could really fill a form or somehow communicate what people are looking for.

Otherwise I’m good, but I am really lonely.
And I do want to experience love, to see if it’s actually real, in my lifetime.