How to deal with Dp’s female friends

[Fullrecoveryispossible]

I need straight forward advice on how to cope with jealousy of DP having female friends! I’d say about 70% of his friends are female, and I can’t help but feel a bit rubbish when he says he’s meeting up with one of them.

Is it reasonable of me to ask for him to put boundaries in with these women? If so, what would be reasonable?

i know this is my issue not his, and I don’t want to bring it up in fear of sounding controlling. I like him having friends, I just hate the feeling I get!

I also would like to know the issue. Are you thinking he might shag one, or are you jealous /insecure type, do you not trust him?

You either trust him or you don't.

Trying to control who is friends are sounds like you don't and your relationship isn't healthy.

Or you are controlling.

Hi OP,

My OH best friend is a female. She has a partner and it just so happens that they’re all super close.

We’ve never had any issues tbh, the only boundary we have is if there is ever a night out or an after party that he has to come home and doesn’t spend the night on their couch.

He wouldn’t ever any way. But that’s it really. Other than that they meet up a few times a month for lunch with our DD or alone. Doesn’t phase me. I encourage him to see her as he’s always working or with us!

xx

I think you have to ask yourself why it's bothering you so much and whether there's a legitimate cause for concern or whether it is to do with your own insecurities.

Do you actually think there are romantic feelings involved between him and any of his female friends? Do you think he is someone who would try to hide that from you? Has he ever given you cause to doubt/ not trust him? If so, then it's completely understandable that you are concerned, and maybe this relationship is just not right for you.

If these are just normal friendships though and there is no reason to not trust him, maybe there is something inside yourself about feeling insecure that you need to work on with a therapist.

I'm bisexual, am I allowed any friends?!

Please don't go stomping around doing 'boundaries'. Own your feelings, have a chat if you want but don't make him feel as though he's in the wrong.

As others have said, most of my friends are male (and actually one of them I did sleep with yonks ago!) and if DH tried to stop me seeing them because of his insecurities I'd tell him where to go.

I have lots of friends of the opposite sex (probably 70/30 male female), I did a male dominated course and work in a male dominated field. I haven’t slept with any of them.

If someone is going to cheat they will, no amount of rules and regulations will stop that. You either trust them or you don’t.

I think you can feel uncomfortable about anything you like OP, but it's your boundaries that you can control, not his.
You're calling him your partner so I'm guessing you haven't just met, and these women haven't just appeared.
I'd have thought that if this makes you uncomfortable you'd have halted the relationship before now, rather than trying to change the relationship.

You either trust him or you don't, I don't think you can get over it as such if you don't.

Firstly i he ok if you went and hung out with make friends? If no then this is where the problem starts. My ex was the above, one rule for him and one for me. He was very controlling I didn’t realise it.

I wouldn’t feel comfortable with this situation, if he’d had romantic relations with any or fancied then I wouldn’t like it.

Op you say you know it’s your issue. So what are you doing about it? Making it his problem to resolve isn’t the answer.

I also work in a male dominated environment so most of my friends are male, im female. I don’t think it’s ever remotely bothered my husband, if it did, I’d expect him to resolve his issues. I’d also be really fucking offended if he thought I might shag my mates.

Do you have reason to think there's an issue? If not, I think you need to give yourself a bit of a shake, tbh.

I've got plenty of male friends, if DH assumed that because they were male I'm more likely to fuck them I'd be very annoyed. As it is, I'm bisexual, so if he was having issues with me hanging roung with anyone of a gender I'm attracted to I'd be shit out of luck.

Grow up.

This is one of those things that’s only an issue if it’s an issue. If that makes sense.

Having opposite sex friends in and of itself is not a problem. If you don’t trust your partner it’s a problem the issue is the trust, not the friends.

Being around people of the opposite sex is only a temptation to a person who is actively or subconsciously looking to cheat or who is not committed.

My partner has half a dozen good female friends, one of whom is an ex. I trust him so they are no different to his male friends in my eyes. If I didn’t trust him it would be a problem.

It’s all about the trust. Work out if it’s there or not. If it’s not there there’s no point policing his friendships anyway so you may as well end it.