21 month old behaviours

[Superstar96]

My ds is 21 months old. I feel his behaviour is different to that of other kids. He’s met all his milestones etc but he has a LOT of energy. I know all toddlers are energetic and are known for being defiant but this (to me) seems on another level and I am concerned he may have ADHD as I was diagnosed with it as a kid but told I would grow out of it. He is constantly at my back doing the next thing he’s not meant to, he smashes every toy he owns off the floor, he smashes any ornaments he lays a finger on, he comes up out of nowhere and hits me or head buts me. When told no he just laughs and proceeds to do it again. At toddler classes he doesn’t seem to participate with other kids he just tends to run about and never seems out of energy. Sorry for the long post but I’d love to hear your LOs early signs of this before I speak with my HV.

tia

my ds 3.5 has been at pre school since January and I know this is the sort of thing can get flagged up by early year’s professionals and they have said nothing yet about ds. But wow did/does he have a lot of energy. Standing joke in our family that he doesn’t walk anywhere only runs! We had absolutely NO ornaments out until we moved house when he was 2 and to be honest we don’t have many out now as he’s ‘in to everything’. I try to gently encourage quite time/play reading, painting ect which he will happily do. I also think he acts differently to other children at groups but I wonder if it’s sometimes more our perception of how other children are behaving? I wouldn’t change a thing about ds he’s highly emotional/sensitive so where there are challenges with that the flip side is he’s extra sensitive with his younger db he’s so tuned into him. Trust your instincts though if you think there’s a problem look into it , as will I if it’s ever flagged up to us. Ds much less ‘wild’ now and I go with it now when he is! Keeps you fit !

@Mamamess this is exactly the same situation with us! Everyone just says it’s typical for his age and for a boy and “oh he’s just into everything”! He’s not a bad boy at all he never hits other kids or anything like this, he’s very age appropriate and a great sleeper and eater etc but I just feel asif his energy is overly through the roof. Thanks very much for your nice comment as some folk on here can be quick to judge. I’m going to give my HV a call and just discuss it with her to see if she puts my mind at ease at all as he’s my first and I don’t really have anything to compare to 🙂

Sounds pretty normal though. I'd take the battle out of things eg not giving him the option of doing stuff you don't want him to by taking it away. There's no way I'd have ornaments anywhere a 21 month old could get to, for example!

@CooCooCaChu yes I get this. I don’t have ornaments anywhere obviously but my mother in laws house is covered in them and anytime I’m there with him I just leave feeling stressed and it’s not even worth it tbh, so I’ve started to go less. But I do also feel he’s at the age when I tell him not to do something he should sometimes listen or even consider what I’m saying - which he absolutely does not.

They've got no impulse control at that age. I'd avoid the MIL house and ask her to come to yours/meet in a park etc or ask her to baby proof a bit. My mum thought she knew how to baby proof for her other grandkids but had not met the determination of mine! It is definitely a phase though and he'll be very different in a year or so.

It could be him being a usual, energetic toddler. Kids this age don't tend to play together and have the concentration of a gnat.

However, the fact that you were diagnosed with adhd as a child (which you absolutely don't grow out of as it's how your brain is wired) means it's worth being open to the fact that he may or not be neurodivergent. Have a chat with your health visiting and go from there. At this age, its likely they'll want to watch and wait.

Normal. Don't label a 1 year old with ADHD for being a 1 year old.

@Mabelface exactly! My mum always says oh the doctor said you’d outgrow it - trying to explain to her ADHD isn’t something you outgrow has proven difficult over the years. Thanks I have contacted my HV

@Sissynova knew it wouldn’t be long before some smart arse came in with this comment 🤣 where did I label my son with ADHD?? I am stating my concerns and looking for friendly advice from fellow mums. Jog on

Labels are for jars. Diagnoses are the gateway to necessary support.

Love

Nd mum of 4 nd adult children.

It does sound fairly normal, and at that age I don't think just saying no is going to have much effect
Are you getting down to his level and clearly saying no - we don't do that.
Removing him/object and distracting.
Even starting a sort of time out - if my toddler had hit or headbutted me regularly he would have got a very clear NO. That hurt. And then sitting him on my lap, facing away from me, and not being given an attention for a minute or two. At the end I would then remind him no hitting etc before letting him down again.
Do you make sure he gets a good runaround outside a couple of times a day?

I think it does sound very active, but it's not a reasonable expectation for him to listen to no just yet. You should be more controlling the environment than trying to get him to comply. He's only little and while they can start to follow some simple instructions, their impulse control is very underdeveloped still. He won't be able to internalise rules yet either. Meet MIL at your house or outside.

It's too early to say whether ADHD because their development is so variable at this age anyway. My older child with ADHD was a very calm toddler until around 3-4.

Hey@Superstar96 please update this thread

@Mohitss hi, what do you mean update? I’m sort of new to mumsnet lol

There seems to be a lot of posts at the moment by people with similar names bumping old(ish) threads asking for updates

I assume they just mean an update on the situation you were dealing with. But I don't see why they can't make their own thread if they want advice.