To call out a sports coach on his negative language and attitude

[WhereMyRosemaryGoes]

I don't think I was unreasonable. I think that when you see something wrong it's okay to say something - and I was polite and discrete.

But I feel a bit mortified now I've done it. Wondering if maybe I shouldn't have said anything? Not really sure what I've achieved.

Coach is a paid role. He's quite young (early 20s) and not a qualified coach. He used to play the sport in high school. The team are late teens - not much younger than the coach.

I watched a practice earlier today. Afterwards I sent him an email to say that I thought he shouldn't use such negative language about the team. He was laughing at them the whole time, saying they were the worst end of the scale, and he singled out some of them to me to point out bad technique. His whole thing was about how they couldn't be bothered and didn't try hard. But I could see 15 teenagers who get up at 6am, three times a week to train for their team. Some of them have been doing so for years - as well as evening practice 2 X a week and weekends full of matches. He's right that they're not top of the league. Our school does not have the training facilities and we're a small school. They often laugh and say they feel like the 'poor relations' when they turn up to tournaments and the other teams have a branded bus and matching kit bags.

I said that if was going to take on a role of mentoring young people he needed to be aware that language matters, and it is possible to give feedback respectfully, and in a way that encourages.

This particular coach does not normally take the morning training and it's not his area of expertise. Two of the kids in the team are qualified coaches and he was yelling at them about their technique... and they were polite but baffled tbh.

I was right, wasn't I?

Why do I feel I shouldn't have said anything?

Your kid will be the one who pays rhe price for your interference

You should have raised your concerns with people in charge

I think you were right. What you gave him was constructive criticism. He needs to know how to coach and techniques to use otherwise he could carry on damaging people.

No you did right.
I can't stand these pumped up jock types. Ridicule and arse kicking isn't mentoring.
Be more Ted Lasso.

Tbf the coach is probably still learning the ropes too and maybe he thought it was more "banter" than criticism. That being said, I'd not have emailed him directly, but had a word with whoever is in charge of PE at the school.

I also wouldn't have done it for a first offence and he'd have had to be coaching them for a while before I commented on it. It would have had to be a pattern of behaviour from him iyswim.

As an aside, i've known coaches on U10s football teams to be giving similar feedback to players (!)

No, I'm okay on that front. She can and does stand up for herself.

There isn't really a 'person in charge' to raise it with. Raising it with the school sports department would have been a much bigger, more serious move.

And yes, I think he probably did think it was banter, but that's what I wanted to challenge.

Not exactly a first offense. My daughter often feels extremely low after he has attacked her - he never says she's a bad player, just that she's low effort and can't be bothered, which is really hard to hear again and again when you're giving it your all.

Well, he’s not qualified for the role he’s paid for, demoralises the kids, puts them down, criticises them and is shit at what he does. So I don’t think you were wrong. He can shove his ‘banter’ up his arse.

You inspire the kids, earn their respect and confidence, encourage them, help them be the best they can, or at least feel the best, and only then have you earned the right to ‘banter’.

He’s just shit and immature and in the wrong job.

They practice 5 x a week ! Also do you know the coach personally? You seem to lnow quite a lot about him ie he is paid but not qualified.incidentally I would also be concerned about the insurance situation with him being unqualified.
You are also saycdone of the 15 year old players are qualified coaches? I only know of gumnadtics where there us a body that lets under 16 year olds take l1 coaching qualifications

That's such a strange reply @fUNNYfACE36 . It feels like you're insinuating that the details of my story don't add up?

Yes, they train five times a week. Not that unusual in the last couple of years of high school in this sport. A lot of the training is just about maintaining fitness.

I don't know a lot about the coach, but as a parent who pays for his coaching, I know he's not a qualified coach, and that we pay for him.

I don't think you need to worry about insurance, but thanks.

I didn't say the kids are 15. You made that up.

And thanks for the info about gymnastics, I guess?

The sport my kids do allows people to qualify as a coach from 14. They can’t run a session on their own until 18 because of first aid but we have a couple of coaches who qualified under 16.

I think it should be challenged, but I think it should be raised with the people that have employed him.

I am not doubting you at all.why would you want to make it up? You seem a little aggressive.how old are the girls?