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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my dh to keep in contact?

27 replies

sportscandy · 19/02/2008 16:46

He works away during the week, often for 2 weeks.This time it is for 3, and he NEVER bothers to phone or text us at all. I know I could call him, and do sometimes, but I think that he should at least call his own children each night.So would you put up with it?

OP posts:
Carmenere · 19/02/2008 16:46

No

beaniesteve · 19/02/2008 16:47

I think that's terrible. Not one call? Is he abroad?

Lulumama · 19/02/2008 16:47

absolutely not ! unless he is working on a submarine and cannot get a working phone signal

surely if you are apart, communication is even more important

has he always been like this?

cestlavie · 19/02/2008 16:51

Why doesn't he? I certainly would?

Blu · 19/02/2008 16:53

I don't know about each night, but fairly regularly, anyway.

Original poster
sportscandy · 19/02/2008 16:53

he is working 2 hours drive away, he says it makes him feel lonely if he calls, but even so! Also because of this I dont feel like making the effort when we do get together so he wants a divorce because of my lack of emotion towards him!

OP posts:
BeauLocks · 19/02/2008 16:55

Why does he need to be away for so long?

Has he got another woman?

Original poster
sportscandy · 19/02/2008 16:57

pretty sure no-one else, jusr dosn't want to do the drive everyday. I think I have to accept he just is not a family man

OP posts:
BeauLocks · 19/02/2008 16:58

Have you got a number to call him on? If so, call him.

Carmenere · 19/02/2008 16:58

Alarm Bells would be ringing for me, big time.

tashunka · 19/02/2008 16:58

YANBU-He should at least call and check everythings okay.

Original poster
sportscandy · 19/02/2008 17:00

his reasons are that he has depression and that there is nothing stopping me ringing him!

OP posts:
bluefox · 19/02/2008 17:01

Surely he is not working every single day during the three weeks - 2 hours drive isnt that long to be able to come home.

cestlavie · 19/02/2008 17:01

I'm sorry, that sounds like a crap excuse. I work away not infrequently and love phoning back home - it makes you feel far less lonely. How on earth does a text make you feel lonely ffs?

bluefox · 19/02/2008 17:02

Excuses excuses excuses - pathetic excuses!

talkingmongoose · 19/02/2008 17:02

3 weeks away, solid? not even coming back at the weekend, although he is only 2 hrs drive away?

Wouldn't like that at all.

Blu · 19/02/2008 17:02

Does he come home at weekends?

Lulumama · 19/02/2008 17:03

so he wants a divorce? i think his behaviour shows you how committed he is to the marraige.. i.e not very much at all!

Blu · 19/02/2008 17:03

Do you ever call him?

Page62 · 19/02/2008 17:03

sorry, alarm bells ringing with me too.
i would find it very strange if my DH did not call me for that length of time. He doesn't work away (i.e. we go home to the same house every night) but he calls me at work possibly 2x a day and i don't think there's anything weird about that! (even if it is just a 1 minute phone call).
it is very strange and TBH, i would be worried.

Original poster
sportscandy · 19/02/2008 17:03

I know! That's what I think, and yet he wants a divorce cos of my "lack of emotional support" !

OP posts:
tashunka · 19/02/2008 17:04

My dh can be away for 48 hours at the most, but he would still ring to say goodnight at least.

bluefox · 19/02/2008 17:04

Bag up all his stuff ready for when he next condescends to visit home - and change the locks.

HonoriaGlossop · 19/02/2008 17:15

sounds like things are pretty complex sports but on this issue, personally, I don't feel there is much to be gained by "you ring" "no, you ring"......if you want him to speak to the kids each day to say goodnight, ring him.

there are obviously many issues at play here but I think this one is easily got around. Yes, he should call; but you can get round this by ringing him if that would help. He's not in the right but what is there to be gained from a stand-off about this particular issue?

CeylonSapphire · 19/02/2008 17:22

My dh has always worked away from home - he leaves at 5am on a Monday morning, and returns either late on a Thursday (10pm+), or sometime on Friday afternoon. He is, at the moment, 6hrs+ away, by train.

We speak every night - he gets too lonely in his hotel room - and we always exchange emails/texts during the day, unless one of us is incredibly busy with meetings etc.

If I haven't heard from him, I will always drop him a text saying 'Is everything OK?', and one usually comes back saying 'out with the boys for a quick drink - will ring later', and he always does.

I find it very odd that your dh is not keeping in regular contact... Especially when away from home for such a long period.

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