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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let friend down over birthday drinks

12 replies

Connect3 · 21/05/2023 20:22

I agreed to go when I was invited several weeks ago and usually I am one of those people who if I say I'll be somewhere I'll be there, which is why I'm having a crisis of conscience over this.

He's someone I know as a group but we've become closer (friends) over the last few months and have been out quite a few times just the two of us. He said he was having drinks on this date and I said of course I wouldn't miss it.

However, things that have changed since:

  • I have to catch a train 7am next morning
  • Said train will take me away for a week leaving young adult DC at home, one of whom has just come home after dropping out of Uni. They'll be fine, but I feel like I should be there the night before I go away. Plus I'll have things to do.
  • The venue has been announced and mostly accommodates a different group of friends, so the journey is more difficult than I expected.
  • There are loads of people going and I doubt I'll be missed. I would be gutted if he cancelled on me, but a lot fewer people would be invited to any do I had.

I was thinking I could drive and just "show my face", leave after an hour or so, but I wonder if that might be worse than not going at all, or at least just as bad?

OP posts:
itsmylife7 · 21/05/2023 20:24

Go for an hour then leave.

Rogue1001MNer · 21/05/2023 20:26

I think if there's loads of other people going it's fine. Offer to take him out for a drink another time

Bonelly · 21/05/2023 20:26

Go for a short while

DelurkingAJ · 21/05/2023 20:27

Show your face. You might end up having a ball and staying a bit longer.

Original poster
Connect3 · 21/05/2023 20:28

Rogue1001MNer · 21/05/2023 20:26

I think if there's loads of other people going it's fine. Offer to take him out for a drink another time

Yes, this was my other thought. TBH that would be my preference over going out with loads of people I don't know anyway, but it's not my birthday

OP posts:
Redkatagain · 21/05/2023 20:29

I would drive, go, explain and hope/assume my friend would understand. As a friend, I would rather see you for an hour than not at all.

That said, I would want to know before the night as I might want to re-arrange the time or venue if it was just the two of us.

Original poster
Connect3 · 21/05/2023 20:29

DelurkingAJ · 21/05/2023 20:27

Show your face. You might end up having a ball and staying a bit longer.

That's what I'm scared of 😆 I've got a really long day the day after.

OP posts:
Original poster
Connect3 · 21/05/2023 20:31

Redkatagain · 21/05/2023 20:29

I would drive, go, explain and hope/assume my friend would understand. As a friend, I would rather see you for an hour than not at all.

That said, I would want to know before the night as I might want to re-arrange the time or venue if it was just the two of us.

It won' t be just the two of us, I reckon 30 at least.

Also, sorry, drip feed alert, one of them is a woman he has designs on and lots of people assume we are a couple, so he might not want me there cramping his style anyway!

OP posts:
Redglitter · 21/05/2023 20:33

I'd apologise & explain & arrange something for just the 2 of you so it's clear you're not ignoring his birthday.

underneaththeash · 21/05/2023 20:40

If it was me, i’c want you to come for a bit.

KarmaStar · 22/05/2023 13:34

Call him,offer to go as agreed and explain why you can't stay for long.if he's a good friend he will understand and be happy to arrange another night to celebrate just you two.
Then you can crack on with your preparation

NeedToChangeName · 22/05/2023 13:39

Be first to arrive (every host appreciates the first person who turns up), explain you can't stay long but didn't want to miss it, then slip away early without saying goodbye and drawing attention to it

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