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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex husband prioritises step kids over his own

7 replies

MissShrinkingviolets · 21/05/2023 18:41

Hi all. Just wondering what other people's thoughts/experiences are. I have 3 children. Been separated for 8 years. We had access arrangements that was the same each year. Then ex husband meets a woman. After 3 months they live together. Now it's 2 years. In this time he cancels lots of dates he's supposed to see the children based on new gf work schedule. I was asking him to take the children for 1 week this year, any week and he's says they will discuss it and have decided they can't offer this. He also won't take his daughter to guides on the night he has his children as he collect his gf child from school. He won't take his own children to school either as he takes hers.

Now I'm fine if this man disappeared out of my life forever. But. I am very offended he treats his children as a choice or worse. A second choice. I have passed comment once. But its getting worse. I'm living my life second to thier/her social schedule. If I start to voice things and it gets hostile is it worth arguing this? Thank you

OP posts:
JMSA · 21/05/2023 18:42

I am furious on your behalf. He is a fucking idiot Flowers

Reugny · 21/05/2023 18:48

Your children are noticing.

If they are NT as soon as each child gets to 11 ask them how often they want to see their dad and follow what they decide.

LittleOwl153 · 21/05/2023 18:49

Well if he can't take them tonachool he can have them overnight can he? And if he won't take her to preexisting social activities she can't stay that night either can she... what does he propose to do? Make sure you tell him to increase the maintenance for the time he's now refusing... dad following his deck sadly. This kids will resent him for it!

HermioneWeasley · 21/05/2023 18:53

I know so many men who’ve done this - just switches all their resources to a new family that isn’t even theirs! Sorry OP it’s so hurtful for you and your kids

occa · 21/05/2023 18:55

I think this is somewhat common and yes, very hurtful, especially to your children if they're aware of the disparity.

I'm in a similar position where my DCs father moved country and hasn't bothered seeing them or paying any maintenance for them in years but has a very new GF with a teen DD who he lives with and spends a fortune on. Luckily my DC aren't connected to him on social media, so they aren't aware. They also aren't interested in seeing him or communicating with him any more.

Murdoch1949 · 22/05/2023 02:35

This is not unusual for a dickdad to do, wanting to impress new gf. How new gf can think that this is acceptable behaviour is also incredible, they deserve each other. Can you get a new access agreement drawn up that stipulates taking children to school, sharing school holidays, the guides evening etc. The children will recognise his behaviour as wrong and will opt out.

porrigeforlife · 05/05/2024 04:19

it is about the children.

get off the treads.

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