I grew up in a very insular household. Right through until I left home my family consisted of me, my sister, and my mum. We didn't have any other family and my mum didn't have any friends. I went to school but didn't really learn that people could be trusted or that it is natural for us to live life in community with others.
I assumed, naturally, that everyone else had this experience too. However this belief has been challenged recently because in my twenties I have begun going to a church where people spend time together, hang out together and get to know each other. I want to do all these things too, because despite my upbringing I love people, so I try to push myself out of my comfort zone and try not to retreat from other people/always go home early.
To others it all seems to come very naturally because they haven't known any different. I feel like nobody would really understand my point of view because they have experienced something completely opposite. But for me it is really blooming hard to spend time with people and it requires a lot of focus/energy. I am an introvert but this goes beyond that. I feel quite anxious sometimes being surrounded by people for extended periods of time. It feels like very high-level stimulation. But I don't want the life I grew up with for the adult me, and I genuinely want and enjoy having relationships with others, so I make the effort to do it. But given my childhood background, AIBU to find it hard?