Sleep deprivation killing me!

[sleepysally22]

Dd is 13 months and has never slept through. Ever. She does go down well (usually because we make sure she is worn out prior to bedtime). And when she was younger she'd wake a few times in the night but then settle down again pretty quickly.

What we're getting now however is hysterics in the middle of the night when she wakes up. And she wakes up lots. She's still in a cot in our room because of how badly she carries on when she wakes up. Full blown screaming that would wake my other dc up if we didn't comfort her quickly. The problem now is that nothing seems to be comforting her. We got into the bad habit of putting her in bed with us which wasn't ideal but seemed to help us all get some sleep. Now even that doesn't help and she screams and writhes around in bed next to us. The only place she'll settle is sleeping on my chest but she's a hefty 1 year old now not a newborn and this is so uncomfortable for me. I don't sleep.

Add to that she's up at 5:00 most days. Luckily dh gets up with her but he's often not had much sleep either. Without that extra hour in bed I'd be functioning even worse than I am now.

How do I go about settling her in the night? We have white noise playing, we've tried her in her own room, we can't ignore that level of meltdown. I don't know what's changed as although she's always been a frequent waker she used to go back to sleep pretty quickly. I'm not sure if I should start offering a bottle again in the night. But that tends to wake her up even more.

Any advice would be great as we are on our arses with sleep deprivation and early starts plus other dc to look after too.

Would you consider getting some help from a sleep consultant?
I’m wondering if her distress when she wakes up is from tiredness and she’s unable to settle herself back to sleep? I follow just chill mama on Instagram and she gives lots of tips for free.
I really hope it improves for you!

Does she sleep with her mouth open or snore?
Does she seem in pain? Does she still nap and how long for?

How quickly is she falling asleep at bedtime and how soon after is the first wake up?

Does she have reflux??

It could be night terrors.

My DD didn't sleep through until she was 3.5 years old. We got the health visitor in to help us as I was exhausted (she is a twin).

What came apparent as she got older was that although she screamed her head off in the middle of the night up to about age 6, when she was able to speak, I'd ask her about it and she had absolutely no recollection of it! She would appear to be awake, sometimes she would look frightened, other times she would just scream, but she was actually asleep. I'd take her downstairs, we would watch funny cat videos on YouTube etc... but in the morning she looked at me like I was crazy when I suggested such a thing!

The other thought is reflux?

I think she's just unable to settle herself. I don't think she's in pain although it is worse when she's poorly or teething. But once she's awake she needs soothing which is fine but very little actually appears to soothe her now! Other than being allowed to lay on my chest. It's really hard as my other dc were all good sleepers and in their own rooms from 6 months. I can't do that with her or she'll wake the whole house up. We are just so exhausted.

Should also add that she naps well in her cot and goes to sleep fine at night. It's just the wake ups that are distressing and hard to deal with.

Similar to towriteyoumustlive above, my DC who did this continued until age 6-7 and it became apparent they had no idea they were doing it/had no control over it. Many a night I’d take them literally out of the house as they were waking everyone else up and as a last resort. Walking round streets at 3am carrying a raging preschooler around in their PJs thinking the night air would wake them up but nothing really would other than letting it run it’s course. It was soul destroying especially with older dcs in the house who would then wake up and also be upset and need settling back to sleep every night, hence ending up outside. It was difficult to manage especially with work and it was always at its worst between 2am and 4.30am. We practised a lot of sleep hygiene stuff and experiments with bedtimes and wake times but in the end we just got used to it really until they just grew out of it. I filmed it once or twice and they had no memory of doing it and still don’t to this day. You aren’t alone.

Get her ears, tonsils and adenoids checked. Wanting to sleep upright and waking frequently and waking upset can very signs of sleep apnea and/or glue ear.

I agree with what others have said about her breathing through her mouth/snoring? Did she have a tongue tie? My little one is 8months and I'm pretty sure some of her more awful wake ups are night terrors. She seems to not even notice me there! And she has a tongue tie and mouth breathes.

No snoring but she does sometimes breathe through her mouth. Not worryingly or noticeably so. She is prone to ear infections so the suggestion of glue ear may be worth looking into. I would say in general she is a highly strung baby though. One minute playing happily, the next having a full hysterical meltdown. I don't know if she's just kicking off because she wants to be held. But something must be waking her in the first place I suppose.

I did also wonder about night terrors as she's always woken with these ear piercing screams even when she was a tiny baby. She was a lot easier to soothe then however and she'd usually be back to sleep within a minute or two.

If she’s prone to ear infections definitely get her checked by an ENT consultant for glue ear or any other related issues.

Following. My DC is younger but we have a similar issue here. My older one used to wake sometimes in a state and we'd have to put on cartoons in the middle of the night until they'd calmed down enough to go back to sleep. But it wasn't every night and often they'd fall asleep next to us quite quickly.

I ended up seeking advice from the HV and their sleep team by this stage. We both agreed my sleep deprivation was at such a dangerous level the safest thing was to cosleep and tackle it when DC was old enough to reason with. They finally slept a full night in their own bed at 4.5 so it isn't a quick fix but some children you just cannot settle.

I suspect what woke my DC was them weeing at night. The start of them sleeping through was when we got the night training solved, by then it had become a habit they were in my bed and it's been a very long slow transition out of it.

It could be separation anxiety. Try 'hey sleepy baby' on Instagram.

Own room.
Ime they sense you are near..
Worth a try imo.

The issue with this is when she inevitably has the midnight meltdown it wakes the whole house up, takes longer for us to get to her and she still ends up in our bed regardless!

I don't mind co sleeping with her. It's not what I'd planned. My other dc have always slept brilliantly and independently in their own room from about 6-8 months old. However if it works with dd I will do it. But even that isn't helping at the moment. She just carries on the hysterics in our bed which is unbearable. I'm seeing the GP today as it's all really ramped up over the weekend and I think she's possibly got another ear infection.

Definitely sounds like it could be ENT related. Enlarged adenoids and tonsils often go along with ear infections and can cause sleep apnea and consequently disturbed sleep and wanting to sleep in funny positions. I would ask the GP about a referral.

Join an evidence based sleep training group on facebook and read the files. I recommend Respectful Sleep Training/Learning. It'd have been better to sleep train when she was younger (six months is ideal) but you can still do it now and the longer you leave it the harder it becomes. I can't recommend it enough. You ALL deserve to be getting a good restful night's sleep each night.