Anyone else's parents like this?

[Jeezuswept]

It happens ALL the time and it's exhausting. Wondering if it's just my parents?

I'm 40, I have a responsible job, a husband, left home at 18 and have always been independent.

But covos go like this:
DM: "what are you up to?"
Me: "going to mow the lawn and garden today"
DM: "you'd be better doing that tomorrow it'll be better weather."
Me: "I'm busy tomorrow."
DM: "Well you'd be much better doing gardening tomorrow not today."

Another example:

Me: "I'm painting the bedroom today."
DM: "oh what colour?"
Me: "white"
DM: "hmm well you should wallpaper it, it would look better than just bland white."
Me: "I like white walls. Fresh and bright"
DM: "I'll bring some wallpaper samples over"

I know it's only a daft annoyance but it's like her immediate response is that I'm wrong! Had a Sunday catch up on the phone and she did it several times...my dad is the same!

Are you my sister?! My mum's exactly like this.
I'm house hunting at the moment. My mum has taken it upon herself to search, looking at all the same websites I'm looking at and sending me links to places I've already seen and rejected! Arrrrrrrrrgh!

Just don’t give them so much information. This worked well for me with my mother; just keep it oh so bland. “What are you doing today?” = “Not much/haven’t decided” and change the subject.

Yep - massive sympathy! My dad is exactly the same. He'll see us getting out the lawnmower and say that we should wait four days as forecast to be less damp. Or at a restaurant he'll ask what I've picked and then tell me why I should look at one of the other options.

My patience for it varies (😅) but I think it's improved since I realised that for him it really is a fixation on the "right" way of doing things. He spends hours researching everything and when he has reached a conclusion he thinks it's important to share that. Still annoying but I don't think his intentions are bad so I have learned to shrug it off with a bland: "Thanks dad but this works for me/us".

Mine used to be. I think it was based in love and concern and the misguided view that perhaps I just didn’t know of a more effective option and would appreciate some guidance.

They have, over the years, come around to understanding that even if my decision making might sometimes seem to be the edge of chaos, and my lifestyle choices a little baffling to them, it’s all worked out pretty well so far and I’m happy

Are you someone who moans a lot to them when things go wrong, so they think you need a lot of guidance?
Ive noticed with my adult children that when things are going well I don’t hear from them very much, but the minute there is a problem they are on the phone moaning to me. It’s quite hard not to give advice when it’s clear they have caused the problem.

Yes!

Me: The garage said there’s no point repairing my car so I’m going to have to change it.
Mother: What are you getting?
Me: Thinking of a Y-brand.
Mother: A Y?! That’s ridiculous. Get an X like your brother. He loves his X, doesn’t he Father?
Father: Oh yes, Tom loves the X. You should get an X. Get your coat and I’ll bring you to the X dealership. You’ll be wanting a silver one.

It’s wearing.

I try to tell them as little as possible these day.

Yes! I have memories of them coming round and I had hung my washing out. My mum then started to rearrange my washing telling me it wouldn’t dry hung out like that. It took all my strength not to say it drys when you’re not here and I don’t have any issues.

It’s like they constantly want to treat me like I’m an idiot or not an adult. They go into parenting mode without realising I’m now late 30s with my own kids. Drives me round the bend

My mother used to say 'Maybe we should ask DSIL what about it' (DH's sister). I would say 'I have an engineering degree, I am 55 years old, I think I can work out how to fill in this tax form'.

I will not be like this with my DC as quite honestly they are more intelligent and sensible than I am. Depressing at 60 to realize your 20 year olds are more mature than you are.

Slightly different, but my dad likes to tell me the worst case scenario and doesn't care that he stresses everyone out. So if I'm painting it would be 'be careful on that ladder' followed by story of someone brain damaged from a fall. If its mowing the grass it will be a gruesome foot injury story. Head wrecking

I used to regularly have my dad ring up at 830/9am and then when I answered say in a slightly astonished tone ‘oh! You’re up early.’

I was around 32 at the time!

I wish they were that interested in my life!

But equally they don't really listen and often think they know best. So yes but in a different way. How old are they op?

I hear you

Mine went through a stage where telling them anything was like an invitation to say "Oh no, dear, do x instead".

Get them trained. Depending on their age, there could be years more of this.

Yep! Drives me mad, also good at telling me not to do something, then doing it herself but it doesnt count as negative when she does it 🤣

I'm sure that in most cases it comes from love & them wanting to help you, even if it is misguided & annoying. I bet we all have our annoyances too! Just don't tell them so much if you don't want their opinion.
My dad was the same & we just laugh about it now; but he also did a lot to help us with practical things that we really did need help with & loved looking after our children when they were little. Family was everything to him & we'd all give anything to hear him tell us why we X brand car is better than Y brand car (in his opinion). Focus on the good stuff & try to let the trivial annoying stuff go over your head.

@JoDolce i wish it came from a good place but I think my mothers a narcissist. I’ve had a lot of therpy to help with the years of emotional abuse.

It probably does come from a good place but it’s the horn and halo affect. Most things my mother does I assume doesn’t come from a good place.

I don't give a stuff where it comes from, it's annoying.

but I can see it must be worse if your parents aren't well meaning and didn't treat you well.

I think they just like to feel needed. When I was job hunting my mum used to send me things about jobs that if already seen when I was searching online. I just used to thank her and make it seem like she'd done me a favour.

I'm (sort of) glad I'm not alone!

It's not as easy as just not telling them anything unfortunately, because then I'd literally talk about nothing.

They're lovely and helpful but it's the unsolicited 'advice' and suggestions being the opposite of whatever I've decided that I lose patience with...

Sometimes I'm tempted to say the opposite to see if they suggest my actual, real solution!