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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should have told me?

19 replies

rainymay6 · 20/05/2023 22:45

My husband (hopefully soon) told me he was away all weekend, returning Sunday night.

I was dozing off to sleep when I woke to some noise downstairs. I thought it was the cat at first, but then I heard the lights switch on. I grabbed my phone and got out of bed, thinking there was an intruder. Husband then emerged at the top of the stairs.

AIBU to be pissed off he didn't tell me he was back early? I was panicking there was really someone in the house. He said he doesn't need to say when he is returning to his own house (we both own it), but I think it's just courtesy if you're arriving at night especially.

OP posts:
Emmamoo89 · 20/05/2023 22:46

He should of let you know! X

TeaKitten · 20/05/2023 22:47

Arriving at night he should have let you no. Is he checking up on you to make sure you are alone?

iminvestednow · 20/05/2023 22:49

What kind of marriage do you have where you can’t say - if you’re coming home early let me know or you’ll scare the shit out of me!

neilyoungismyhero · 20/05/2023 22:50

Lucky he didn't get a saucepan round the back of his head...obviously I listen to too many podcasts. Yes he should have told you inconsiderate oaf.

Aprilx · 20/05/2023 22:50

I think he was checking up on you.

gamerchick · 20/05/2023 22:54

One night my then teen came home unexpectedly long after we were all in bed. I had no clues as he was supposed to be sleeping out. I nearly brained him with a pestle as thought he was an intruder. He let me know after that.

Yes he should have let you know. Things sound louder at night. He's a dick.

CheersForThatEh · 20/05/2023 23:19

Why on earth is he choosing this hill to die on? Man independent, Man doesnt want to tell Woman his moenement. Man independent. Really 🙄why can he not put himself out for 10 seconds to send a text to make you comfortable instead of making it about him ffs.

TheChosenTwo · 20/05/2023 23:22

I did this a few years ago although it was about midnight and I intended to stay out at a friends house, about half 11 I decided I wasn’t feeling it and left the pub and came home instead. Didn’t text dh as he would have been asleep, just slunk in (quietly I thought!) and slept on the sofa!
Not a big deal here but if I thought he’d be awake I’d text.

wildfirewonder · 20/05/2023 23:25

He should have said. I'd be really annoyed at the attitude he's showing - he should understand why people, women especially, get scared.

Hellocatshome · 20/05/2023 23:25

To be honest if I was supposed to be staying out but for some reason returned to the house after DH would realistically be in bed I wouldn't let him know as I would assume he was asleep.

I would probably shout out "its only me" if I heard him getting out of bed/coming downstairs though.

PaigeMatthews · 20/05/2023 23:26

My husband (hopefully soon)
what does that mean? He is either husband, fiancé, partner…? Why describe like this? This says a lot about your relationship before you even mentioned anything else. Is he in control? Are all major decisions his?

my initial thought was he was checking up on you as he doesnt trust you

but now im wondering where he was supposed to be all weekend and whether a women called off their weekend with him early.

Treesoutsidemywindow · 20/05/2023 23:39

He should definitely have given you the heads up OP, and if he still disagrees, maybe telling him what almost happed in my house might do the trick:

Years ago, my DH went on a 2 week training course at the other end of the country. He was welcomed to the area by a colleague, who kindly invited him back to his house for a meal with him and his family, on several occasions so that he wouldn't feel too lonely. During conversation one night, he mentioned that I always kept a wood chopping axe under the bed in case of intruders, which of course they all found hilarious. As it turned out, the course finished a day early, so he thoughtfully rang his colleagues wife to thank her for all their hospitality, and mentioned that he was going to give me a huge surprise by coming home late that night, instead of the following day. Luckily for him, the wife reminded him of the axe under the bed, and said she thought perhaps bearing that in mind, a phone call might be a good idea! Just as well he did call me, as if I'd heard an intruder, I'd have acted first and asked questions later, so she may well have saved him from a severe injury or even worse!!

determinedtomakethiswork · 20/05/2023 23:55

He should've sent you a text at the very least. If you were woken and were worried about an intruder you'd pick up your phone and see the message.

Nothingisblackandwhite · 20/05/2023 23:57

He should have told you . Mine would as he knows me well enough to know he would end up with a concussion at best if I thought a intruder was in the house

Original poster
rainymay6 · 21/05/2023 07:17

PaigeMatthews · 20/05/2023 23:26

My husband (hopefully soon)
what does that mean? He is either husband, fiancé, partner…? Why describe like this? This says a lot about your relationship before you even mentioned anything else. Is he in control? Are all major decisions his?

my initial thought was he was checking up on you as he doesnt trust you

but now im wondering where he was supposed to be all weekend and whether a women called off their weekend with him early.

Should have said (hopefully soon ex).

OP posts:
Iyiyiiii · 21/05/2023 07:18

So you are divorcing,..?

Why? As if its Behaviour why are you surprised

Oysterbabe · 21/05/2023 07:23

I think DH and I would both let the other know if we were returning early so I'm going with yanbu.

ZekeZeke · 08/07/2023 08:14

If you are in the process of separating and he is soon to be an ex husband then you are bring unreasonable.

ZekeZeke · 08/07/2023 08:15

Oops zombie

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